Confusing behaviour

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Interested to learn from any similar experiences. Did he set out to make me doubt myself?
We were long distance friends for just over a year. It was a rollercoaster but I did harbour hopes that he would commit to therapy and one day we could be more than friends. He believed he was too ill for a relationship at that time and I would agree - there was a lot of self trashing. At the start of the pandemic, he began a relationship with his homeopath/therapist. He began to judge me by her opinions, and she made a video claiming to have turned his life around with homeopathy. It was all a bit too much and I walked away.
By early summer last year I had spent some time doing other things and felt stronger. I regretted that we were no longer in contact and hoped we could maintain some sort of casual friendship. Although his behaviour and choices made difficult listening, we shared an interest in art and architecture and I missed that. I reached out with a postcard of something I knew he would like. Over the next month, we exchanged the odd text. It was polite and friendly and not at all intense - I felt hopeful. Then, late one evening, he sent me a text that was different in tone. He told me about some craft activity he was doing with her extended family. Something about it was different - as though he was trying to get a reaction from me. He asked if we could speak on the phone soon. I changed the subject but the next day I realised getting back in touch had been a mistake. How was he living a completely normal life when previously his existence had been a chaotic mess of broken relationships, infidelities and all kinds of sexual self trashing? Had he lied all along? And, if so, why? I was surprised by how bad this made me feel. I wrote to him and honestly explained that I had realised I didn’t want to hear about his relationship but was very happy for him. I acknowledged that it was my fault/problem. I resolved that I would never be in touch again - it would be damaging to both of us to try again. Two weeks later he emailed me. He told me he wasn’t in a relationship with his homeopath but they were very close friends - she stayed at his house when he was ill, was treating him with homeopathy, driving him to his appointments, taking care of him etc AND he was going steady with someone else. He told me that if we couldn’t give each other an “unconditional friendship with no expectations” we should delete each other’s details (I had already deleted his number) - the tone was quite stern, with some sentences typed in bold. I replied, telling him I was happy to hear that he had two people in his life to care for him, wished him well for the future, and reassured him that I had deleted his number. It was an entirely polite, positive email. After six months, just before Christmas, he texted me as though nothing had happened - asking how I was. I didn’t reply.
I just don’t understand. Why didn’t he just delete my number and carry on with his life? It was obvious that friendship was impossible.

[Gerontius]

Interested to learn from any similar experiences. Did he set out to make me doubt myself?
We were long distance friends for just over a year. It was a rollercoaster but I did harbour hopes that he would commit to therapy and one day we could be more than friends. He believed he was too ill for a relationship at that time and I would agree - there was a lot of self trashing. At the start of the pandemic, he began a relationship with his homeopath/therapist. He began to judge me by her opinions, and she made a video claiming to have turned his life around with homeopathy. It was all a bit too much and I walked away.
By early summer last year I had spent some time doing other things and felt stronger. I regretted that we were no longer in contact and hoped we could maintain some sort of casual friendship. Although his behaviour and choices made difficult listening, we shared an interest in art and architecture and I missed that. I reached out with a postcard of something I knew he would like. Over the next month, we exchanged the odd text. It was polite and friendly and not at all intense - I felt hopeful. Then, late one evening, he sent me a text that was different in tone. He told me about some craft activity he was doing with her extended family. Something about it was different - as though he was trying to get a reaction from me. He asked if we could speak on the phone soon. I changed the subject but the next day I realised getting back in touch had been a mistake. How was he living a completely normal life when previously his existence had been a chaotic mess of broken relationships, infidelities and all kinds of sexual self trashing? Had he lied all along? And, if so, why? I was surprised by how bad this made me feel. I wrote to him and honestly explained that I had realised I didn’t want to hear about his relationship but was very happy for him. I acknowledged that it was my fault/problem. I resolved that I would never be in touch again - it would be damaging to both of us to try again. Two weeks later he emailed me. He told me he wasn’t in a relationship with his homeopath but they were very close friends - she stayed at his house when he was ill, was treating him with homeopathy, driving him to his appointments, taking care of him etc AND he was going steady with someone else. He told me that if we couldn’t give each other an “unconditional friendship with no expectations” we should delete each other’s details (I had already deleted his number) - the tone was quite stern, with some sentences typed in bold. I replied, telling him I was happy to hear that he had two people in his life to care for him, wished him well for the future, and reassured him that I had deleted his number. It was an entirely polite, positive email. After six months, just before Christmas, he texted me as though nothing had happened - asking how I was. I didn’t reply.
I just don’t understand. Why didn’t he just delete my number and carry on with his life? It was obvious that friendship was impossible.

[Mutt]

Then, late one evening, he sent me a text that was different in tone. He told me about some craft activity he was doing with her extended family. Something about it was different - as though he was trying to get a reaction from me. He asked if we could speak on the phone soon.

It’s possible that he he asked to talk on the phone because he didn’t want to receive texts because he’s being questioned about the text messages. Image may he asking why he’s getting text messages from an ex. That could be a reason why the your
changed because he’s around her.

How was he living a completely normal life when previously his existence had been a chaotic mess of broken relationships, infidelities and all kinds of sexual self trashing? Had he lied all along? And, if so, why?

He’s in a r/s with his homeopath and then says that he’s really close friends with her but in what sounds like a r/s with the things that she’s doing for him and he’s going steady with someone else. That sounds like instability in r/s’s.

Why didn’t he just delete my number and carry on with his life? It was obvious that friendship was impossible.

BPD is an attachment disorder - a pwBPD don’t completely detach themselves. He’s in a r/s with his homeopath and is another r/s and he’s talking to you as if nothing happened before - when one r/s doesn’t work and he has an innate fear of being abandoned the he finds another r/s only to go through the same pattern again - r/s’s don’t cure BPD - the chaotic nature is still there.