Hello
Welcome to bpd family.
I'm also in the UK my exbpd had some help through steps2wellbeing which they can offer cbt/counselling, There is some private programmes to bpd here also or if when the police was called in my situation I had a dv officer and he had threats of suicide and would call them or he would be in hospital for feeling suicidal.
Has he got a mental health team at all, and do you know if he has told the truth as my exbpd would say all kinds of thing with therapy or felt betrayed by his health professionals even his gp and would give up on medication, has your husband been offered any?
So violence towards you has started?
I'm sure this is all very upsetting for you and it must feel really confusing at the moment be careful as it may get worse as he has started that.
I would say here in the UK it has changed I think it wad 2019 but not sure if that is 100% correct but if a child is seeing that behaviour it is now classed as domestic abuse to children and it does come under safe guarding. If you are considering staying you do need to safe guard and have a plan when he is in a episode/ splitting etc.
if you are condersidering leaving I suggest you make a plan to leave and be prepared it can get worse on both sides.
It is good that your thinking of your child's safeguarding.
I know it really does hurt when we are in a mouring phase of our breaking down realtionship.
My exbpd Did occasionally hit me but it did get worse and my children did witness it I have 19 month and a 11yr old and my daughter struggled with the behaviour and unkindness. my toddler started to have sleeping problems.
So if you look back at your self in from 55 let say where do you think you will be,
what life would you like to have for you and your child?
I'm going to pm another area that I think that might help you and benefit you and your toddler.
if you ever need support can always pm me if need be.
Take care.
Thank you so much for your message and response here.
He is under community mental health team but they are planning on discharging him to the GP soon. He has been under them for years and i have been fighting them to offer proper treatment. They don't want to offer cbt (he did do some and refused other) as his needs are too complex for that and are unable to offer him longterm therapy. They are assessing him and thinking on adding a comorbid diagnosis of bipolar. He is on medication. Crisis team tried to add another medication recently after a crisis but he refused it. I supported him in it as the assessment of that was so poor and he was previously on that medicine and it didn't help.
He has been in hospital before but only for a day or two after a suicide attempt. He was never kept in long-term.
I am aware this is a safeguarding issue. He was half asleep and had a drink when it happened, and of course it isn't an excuse but the thing that is so confusing about him is that he is the most emotional and sweetest person when in his right mind. Cries watching adverts, loving and caring.
I was considering leaving before. I dont know why now, after he actually slapped me, there is this strong resistance in me.
I guess i am also worried about him. I am the bread winner of the family. He doesn't work and is not able to deal with any admin things. Also the logistics of leaving, me potentially moving to another country... i don't know, there is too much there and my mind is rushing and freaking out.
But thank you for your thoughts. I really find this all helpful. Just hearing other people experiences is a lot. For all this time I ve never spoken to anyone who was in a relationship with a person who has BPD.
