Mother and sister with BPD…… they tried to steal my child and Destroy my busines

[Lavoy222]

My mother and sister are both diagnosed growing up surrounded by these two women that I thought were the e sample of what love and family are supposed to be.. constant competition jelious outburts constant changing or rules and exspectation emotional neglect lies minipulation just so much that I now know is not normal yet as a child I thought I was seriously broken or crazy Becuase I just didn’t relate or agree with how life was presented to me.. as a you don’t adult I would back off for months in my own life and comming back to the family unit out of guilt my mother has a auto Immune disease and my sister lives in a constant state of something being wrong with her health.. and this was used as a tool for every aspect in both their lives for getting what they want. Finnaly having a child of my own I put my foot down in what I allowed around my little family .. I bought a house with my then husband and opened a business and made a some what comftoble life .. I’m trying yet again to have a relationship with these People the competition was was just so much more .. however I would not compeat backing off all the time and keeping comments to myself … wich just fueled the anger .. my mother going as far as saying “don’t ask me to match your child till he can why’re his own ass” then constantly crying over that I would spend more time with my mother in law who was nothing but love and support.. dealing with this I tried I gave my mother a job bad idea she loved to walk around exspressing to all the customers how she initiated the busness how everything would not have come together without her and still I kept my mouth shut and let her live in this glory.. Threwout my child first 8 years ide fade away get guilted and come back.. every family gathering was filled with Alcohol completion guilt and conversations all the time of how someone did them wrong or how messed up someone’s life is or how someone else is just trash… and again I kept my mouth shut and take my son and husband and retreat from whatever gathering I attended … the older my son got the more this behavior just became so apparent as I spent more time with my mother in law seeing what unconditional love was .. I started to open my mouth asking if they liked the way they felt I’m living in constant negativity.. that didn’t go over well.. I found my voice in calling them out on their toxic bahavior.. my husband and I grew appart and eventually seperated … my mother dove into this Façade of support I actuwally thought for once I had a mom… I was then dignoised with bipolar 2 and dove in head first into therapy and treatment … my family helped me move into my new place and “pretended “ to celibrate in my want to start over and be the best I could be.. 3 weeks later I was served with devorce papers “wich I exspected” with affidavits from my mother sister brother and their spousees accusing me of drug abuse sex parties and stating that I intended on moving across the country with my child wich resulted in my x picking up my son and running to Boston (I live in New York) when he didn’t drop off my child on my return day I panicked I ran to his house (our house) ponding on the door to no avail I called my x no answer mom no answer my sister no answer no one picked up.. I had no ideas where my son was for a months and a half I had no communication with anyone no one told me anything .. I filed for emergancy custody I filed a bunch of police reports and I had Finnaly had monitored FaceTime calls with my son and one supervised visit untill moy court date (during this I took 2 hair folical tests done wich of course was negative on everything) my “sex parties” we’re pizza parties with my closest friends (wich are men) and their children and because of these Affidavits and no court meeting yet the courts sided with my x resulting in him keeping jacon and the supervised visit… my sister started reaching out to my customers on social Media telling them
I shoot up herion between my toes and abusing my child.. of course they came to me with printed conversations on the accusations and my lawer threading a law suit of liable.. this went into for little over a year … I was to go to trial and be testified against me family and x… ok so all this sounds unbelievable to anyone who has never exsperiance bordeline let alone 2 people running the show woth borderline.. I felt helpless if it wasn’t for my now fiancé and his guidance and support I don’t know where I would be mentally .. they used my bipolar as a way to adversities I was an unfit parerent and complealty out of control.. the part that killed me the most was that my x knew these people and their toxic behavior .. threwout our marriage he would rage over not wanting anything to do with these people and here he let them get their claws in him
And buying the lies and vishiouly going after my son.. years of trying so hard to be a good daughter sister and mother..busness owner and working on multiple charities and bennifits with my child to just focus on doind good had been turned into this.. I know no one’s perfect and I did start to date my fiancé wile I was techniqly married and befor all this my mother and sister knew about him and complealty supported me going as far and creating there own relationship with him praising him for the support of my bipolar and journey to be the
Best I could be… … when I first moved in the my apartment on my birthday my mother wrote me this amazing letter about how wonderful I was what a great mother and busness owner and all I’ve overcome ….. 3 WEEKS later after my son was kidnaped the only communication I had with my mother was a letter from both my mother and sister on how I need rehab and help on how I’m abusing my son and destroying my life… lies all this was lies and they knew it… they freaking knew it… they too exsperiances of my having migraines into mental breakdowns and going to a concert and vapeing nicotine into doing unknown drugs in front of everyone.. of course I gave my lawyers these letters and Tex messages ect.. Finnaly I had my first court date and in the judge seeing me and my 2 negative drug tests told me to go get my child.. I was so broken to think what has been told to him and what he would feel and believe and that’s past 3 years after this I have spent so many heart to heart with him trying to approperalty exsplain everything
 Just kinda wanna know what you all would do or Handel this situation…. How would you talk to your 13yr old about this
S.O.S
 

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Lavoy222,

I'm so sorry that you're going through all this. Words don't do much to help the depth of pain and betrayal you must surely feel and have felt for so long. The best we can do is support you as you keep working on healing yourself.

There are a few members here who have gone through similar issues. Hopefully they'll chime in and offer some thoughts too.

Tell me what things you're doing to keep gaining strength these days? Something my marriage T said to me is to not go down the guilt trip road with my kids. Be available to answer questions if they ask. Otherwise be a normal and healthy parent. That shines through far more than anything else, whether you have supervised visits or not. Who we really are, consistent and steady, is how we can show our kids that we're different than those with PDs.

Please keep sharing,
Wools

[I Am Redeemed]

Hi, Lavoy22, I'm so glad you posted.

That sounds like a very traumatic situation to experience. I just want to tell you you're not alone. Something similar happened to me with my sister with narcissistic traits and my own children. I'm actually still involved in a court battle to get them back.

Have you considered individual or family therapy for you and your son? If I do get my kids back, I plan to have services through a local agency where a therapist will come to our home for family reunification therapy. Not saying you have to do that, but perhaps a good therapist could help you have those conversations with your child in an age-appropriate way.

I find that focusing on how my kids feel about what's happening and validating their feelings goes a long way in helping create a safe place for them to talk. Especially with my D14 and D15, I can acknowledge their reality of how they feel about what they have experienced.

As Wools said, do your best to be a stable, healthy parent and it really does go a long way with kids.