Hey Hamster411... I want to acknowledge that you chose to post here instead of reaching out to her right away.
That's not to say that "it's right" or "it's wrong" to reach out. More that acting from a place of impulse, a place of perhaps wanting to change how you were feeling, isn't the wisest place to act from. So, nice job recognizing that in yourself, and trying something different.
How are you feeling now that you got that out on paper?
Couple of things you said stood out to me:
It is so very hard for me to see this, and I struggle with wanting to reach out and try to stop things from getting worse.
Sitting here and re-reading that part in bold, what are your thoughts? Who do you think has control over stopping things from getting worse, and in what ways?
I’ve been thinking, and maybe the good behaviors that I labeled as “growth” over the past 2 years was actually just her mirroring me and not really her (this is a painful realization).
That would be painful to realize that a loved one might not have been all that you thought they were. Again, that's not to say "she definitely faked it" or "no way, it was totally real". I think I mostly want to point out that -- you are willing to look back at your relationship from a different angle, even if it's painful. That's growth on your part.
She lost a loving home, a dedicated partner, her job, her money, her cat, etc. Does this affect her?
It's a good question and one that so many members have. Kind of like -- how can she move on so quickly, how can she seem so okay, is she not grieving the loss?
It's also a big question, and while unfortunately I have to cut this short, I know others have a lot of experience with that same situation -- how is it that my ex seems not to be grieving or experiencing loss like "would be normal"? All I can say in the time I have is -- that is part of the disorder.
Again, sorry this is so brief. Just really wanted you to know that we saw your post.
-kells76