Wills / Trusts for Adult child BPD

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi All,
 I am in the process of working with a lawyer on setting up a trust for my BPD adult son.  The thing is , he is dual diagnosed with substance abuse and other issues AND he has been estranged from me for over 2 years.  I am not sure if he is even alive right now.  Does anyone have any experience with how to do this?  I am not wealthy at all, just want to leave part of the cost of my home to him if I could. 
Thanks for any tidbits you could share.  I am completely overwhelmed to the point where I have gotten sick over this .

[Swimmy55]

Hi All,
 I am in the process of working with a lawyer on setting up a trust for my BPD adult son.  The thing is , he is dual diagnosed with substance abuse and other issues AND he has been estranged from me for over 2 years.  I am not sure if he is even alive right now.  Does anyone have any experience with how to do this?  I am not wealthy at all, just want to leave part of the cost of my home to him if I could. 
Thanks for any tidbits you could share.  I am completely overwhelmed to the point where I have gotten sick over this .

[Turkish]

Attorneys have access to the Lexis-Nexis database which can be used to find people, among other things.

What are your thoughts on writing him in with the caveat that his portion goes to another person or organization?

This might be a good question to ask on avvo.com. There also might be answers already on the site.

https://www.avvo.com/topics/wills-and-estates/advice?question=1

[formflier]

We are in the process of setting up a trust to handle most of our assets.

Very much like picking the right executor is important for a will and probate, having the right trustee and back up is where you need to focus.

Also, given the issues you raise, I would be thoughtful about how much "discretion" is left to the trustee.

As in...you can  clarify that your money can be paid directly to a treatment facility, but never directly paid to your son.

Ultimately, find a good attorney with trust experience (not all are) and speak frankly to them about what you wish to accomplish.

Depending on the size of your estate, you may be better of just having a will that creates a "testamentary trust".

National Academy of Elder Care attorneys would be a good place to start.

Best,

FF

[ForeverDad]

Part of the concern is that any support you provide could be sabotaged.

My first thought is that the administrator or trustee will have expenses or fees.  That alone could decrease how much you can direct to your son.

Then there's the self-sabotaging aspect.  If, for example, the funds were used to buy a house for son, then what would stop him from mortgaging it to buy drugs or whatever?  Perhaps best to set it up to issue a monthly sum (or rental payment) that at least couldn't be wasted all at once?

[Swimmy55]

Thank you all, these are great  points to keep in mind .