Does this make sense to anybody?

[Torimagic]

I am currently traveling with a huge group of people seeing some concerts. My ex-partner is one of them. It’s been 6 months since separation. She is pretending she doesn’t know me which is one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced.  So in love, so much care, such intensity, taking care of her, her intense clingy ness. Splitting is awful. Does she really not feel anything? How is she so okay?
 What I am currently so disturbed by is she actually seems like a different person. She can barely make eye contact with me, but her mouth expressions are so different, her voice, and overall energy. It’s so hard to explain, but it makes me feel crazy. Physically she looks the same, but everything else is just off. I’m so disturbed and I’m 3/25 days. I’m gonna call her out at the end of this tour because I hate pretending and playing this game. I’m not built for this, and I don’t know what to do. Have people had this experience where you look at your ex and you really can’t find them inside this character they are playing. I have never experienced this before. And it brings up this horrible anxiety shaking feeling. It’s like this whole  relationship has been taken away and gaslit from me. I literally had to look at pics to not feel crazy, like yes that did happen. I hate how much this impacts. Still shaking from the interaction.

[Skip]

Some people act weird in breakups, even basically healthy people. A lot of this depends on what scars they are carrying. These scars are caused not just by our relationship breakup but also by prior experiences in their life.

You can't know what's truly going on in her head. They say people grieve a death in many, very different ways. The same is true for breakups.

Now when you look at people with personality issues, addictions, depression, etc., they often don't see themselves as lovable. To compensate, they try to be someone else - someone they think is more lovable. If one "personality" doesn't work, they will often modify it or try another. People with BPD traits often change to be what they think their love interest will find attractive.

We all do this to some degree. People with mental/emotional struggles just do it to a much greater degree. Often pathological.

I wouldn't call her out. That won't fix the situation or make you feel better.

Try to see it for what it is. Deep down, it is her compensating for her own self-loathing.

Your relationship was real. She cared for you. She became the girl she thought you wanted. The highs and lows were real, but exaggerated.

Now she is off trying to be the girl she thinks someone else finds lovable.

How is she so okay? She is not OK. She's just living on the surface and staying as far away as she can from her own true feelings about herself .

[Torimagic]

Thank you very much for taking the time to write. Didn’t sleep at all and need to face her again today. Any validation helps. It’s also hard for people to understand this kind of a break up.
I guess when I say call her out I’m desperately wanting validation that our relationship was real to her and it’s so weird pretending to be strangers. I know she will look at me like I’m crazy, and that will also kill me. I get it’s not weird to her and this is her normal, and she probably thinks this is the nicest way to interact with me.

[Notwendy]

It makes sense in terms of how someone would behave if they had difficulty with uncomfortable emotions, black and white thinking, emotional immaturity. This sounds like an awkward situation for both of you, to be in this group together as ex's. This is probably how she's handling it. It's not a mature way to do it but it may be how she can manage.

This has more to do with her than with you. What makes this difficult for you is that to you it feels personal but it's not. For her, it might be that she has to dissociate from her own feelings as if the relationship didn't exist.

"Ghosting" is common and inconsiderate but also a way to avoid the discomfort of a break up. Teen agers do this, go to school pretending they don't know the person they "liked" at one point- and it's not a nice thing to do but it's the best they can do at that emotional age. It takes emotional regulation skills to be on social friendly terms with an ex.

I agree with Skip- don't call her out. This is how she's coping with an awkward situation. It's an emotional boundary for her. She's sending the message to you to "not bring this up". I think it would help to see this as not about you but her way of managing this. You can remain cordial to her and gravitate towards a different friend group on the trip. Being that it's a large group of people, that seems doable. It sounds like a great experience and a chance to meet new people. Try to shift your focus to that and not let this affect the trip as much.