afraid

[two]

My 32 year old daughter has BPD.  The mood swings are draining me. She twists everything I say into something negative and blows up. She has a  2-1/2 year old daughter. I have been apart of the little ones life on an almost daily basis.  she threatens to with hold the baby if I don't pay for her babysitter because that shows "i don't really care about the grandbaby"  I receive pages of texts telling me that I am Dense and Stupid and that she is DONE  with me.  Breaks my heart that my daughter can look me in the eye and lie, then there is another lie to cover up the first one. Last year she got evicted for non payment of rent (after receiving $30K) from her divorce payout, showed up at my house, and refused to leave telling me she was now a tenant (though she didn't pay rent) and I would have to get a court order to get her out. I don't know what to do anymore.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[WickedStepMum]

I don’t know what to advise, except get a lawyer, when it comes to the squatting situation.

What’s the situation with the baby’s father? Are you on good terms with him? Can he be an added source of support considering the baby?

[two]

unfortunately the babys father just got out of jail, and just started supervised 4 hour visitations every week.  Its just heartbreaking

[Sancho]

Hi Two
I am in a similar situation although things have moved on a bit now and gd is 13 (which has it's own challenges!)

I am assuming dd is still living with you? Can you describe how things go as regards any routine - eg do you go out to work, does dd? You mention dd wanting you to pay for babysitting - is that occasionally, regularly etc?

The reasons I ask these questions is that I recognise this is a terrible situation to be in. The welfare of this toddler is a high priority - so is your health both mental and physical.

Knowing a little more of how things work in your home is probably necessary in order to see if/how these competing interests can be managed - if they can at all.

I think it is helpful to think of time slots. Once a child reaches school age and is settled into a regular routine there, you at least have the knowledge that for a good part of the week the child is in a caring, learning environment - and that there are other adults involved in his/her life.

I think it's good to think of if/how you are able to stay in your grandchild's life at least until then. For me that was a critical time and I let go a lot of the stuff dd put on me because I prioritized being there for gd and did not want to risk losing that contact.

I hope you can post again with some thoughts on what the next 3 years or so could look like.