Hi and welcome to the group
really glad you felt ready to reach out and get some support. Relationships with pwBPD (persons with BPD) are challenging at best, so the more support and resources we have for ourselves, the better.
In the past, when you two would have fights and stop talking with each other, how long would those times usually last -- hours, days, weeks... longer? And how would the communication usually start up again (from her, from you, something else)?
Does this time feel different from those times in the past, or are there similarities?
Getting a diagnosis of BPD can be a big deal. How did you find out about her diagnosis -- was she the one to tell you? If so, how did she seem to be coping with the diagnosis? Some pwBPD can be relieved, as it explains a lot, other pwBPD can reject the diagnosis as too shameful.
One key part of being in a relationship with a pwBPD is that the "non" (the person without BPD) needs to build relational tools and skills that aren't always intuitive. For example, in a "normal" relationship, explaining yourself or defending your choices can be a normal part of an argument or a conflict, which can then move to resolution. However, in a BPD relationship,
"JADE-ing" (Justifying, Arguing/Attacking, Defending, Explaining) often makes things much worse, as the pwBPD can experience that as hurtful and not validating.
It can take a lot of emotional strength to stay in a relationship with a pwBPD, and, especially, not to lose yourself and your own emotional health in the process. If you have a minute or two, take a look at our article on
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship with a pwBPD, and let us know -- what do you think about it?
We understand the hurt and confusion that you're feeling, and we're here for you.
-kells76
