Overwhelmed

I actually have SO and child (teen) with BP traits. Both lower acuity, but dealing with significant conflict with SO and suicidal ideation with child (recent hospitalization). I am motivated to stay with spouse for numerous reasons - first and foremost because I love him. But right now I am overwhelmed! I'm just now realizing that he has BP traits (suspected in child for a while now), had been attributing behaviors and moods to depression, but I'm realizing it is that and more. In learning all I can to help my teen, I'm seeing so many similar traits in my spouse. I'm so grateful for all of the resources here on this site, but I'm also overwhelmed at the enormity of responsibility I'm taking on. I've always considered myself pretty emotionally mature, stable, and resilient, but I'm really starting to question myself. Especially with all of the nasty things my spouse says to me, he's got me second guessing myself all the time. I am working with a therapist, but I am excited to read more and interact on this message board.
Back to feeling overwhelmed - I am finding myself feeling very lonely and isolated. I don't really have any friends I can talk to about my spouse (many think he's a narcissist and that I should just leave him) and none of them are familiar with BPD. And in wanting to keep my child's hospitalization confidential, I've kept that mostly to myself as well.
I'm going back and forth (quite quickly at times) of feeling committed to doing whatever it takes to best support my family members and feeling unappreciated and taken advantage of (martyr complex?). My resentment leaks out all over the place and is very counterproductive to what I am trying to accomplish (i.e., supporting my family). I know there is a balance, and I'm learning all about boundaries, but in these beginning stages, it's going to take some time.
Thanks for listening!



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