New to this diagnosis for my adult child

[SilentLips]

My adult 28yo son moved in with us last Tuesday.  I have never seen him quite as troubled as this.  Underweight, angry, everyone is against him, demanding - but also at times conciliatory and apologetic. He told me a few years ago that he had been diagnosed with BPD and I thought it might be a mistake (one therapist also said bipolar which really didn't seem to fit).  Based on the behavior since he (who identifies now and dresses as a she - fairly new behavior) it would appear s/he fits the DSMV.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Silentlips
There is so much going on for you and dd at the moment. It seems that what you are seeing is somewhat new, or at least more extreme than it has been before?

I gather there have been issues for a long time because a therapist has suggested Bipolar and dd says she was diagnosed with BPD some time in the past. You seem to be wondering if either of these are a good fit with dd's signs and symptoms. I am wondering if struggles with gender identity has contributed to dd's deterioration?

My dd has for a long time self medicated with various substances, so my mind always goes to wondering if this is the case for others. It is often something that adult children don't want to mention to parents. It also means that if it is the case, then when they come home they can be withdrawing which can be responsible for some of the things that are happening: short fuse; weight loss etc.

It is interesting that dd is apologetic. Has dd been employed and living independently for some time and was there a crisis that prompted returning home?

I really feel for you at this time. It must be quite a shock to see dd in this state and at home with you. There are many factors here and not knowing the wider history it is hard to know how to offer support - except that we are here and we are all in the same boat. Step by step is how I manage to cope, but I am clearly dealing with BPD and it seems you might not be so sure in your situation.

I hope you can get a clear picture and that things settle soon.