dream about my BPDs

[caughtnreleased]

Wow. i had such a telling dream of my BPDex and uBPD mother!

So in my dream, I was looking for my BPDex.  A guy who looks nothing like him at all (essentially different race), shows up and says he's my ex.  I believe him, but am skeptical, but we hang out for a week.  Then after a week, I call his bluff out and say... .you are NOT my ex.  Where is he? Bring me to him! I run into a girl who tells me that if I do a scavenger hunt it will bring me to my ex... .I too call her bluff and tell her: this is just another diversion... .bring me to my ex.   Then my mother (who is uBPD) appears and says "Caughtnreleased perhaps the reason why your ex has gone away and is hiding from you is for your own good, and it is best to stop trying to find him."  End of dream!

WEIRD.  Yes I have always been trying to figure out WHO my ex was... .and he rarely, if ever, showed me what I could surmise were true glimpses of himself.  But my mother... .who, let's face it, has not been a mother to me in real life, actually appears in my dream to speak to me about what is perhaps in my own interest.  Could this be progress for me? hard to know what these things means.

[blissful_camper]

It sure sounds like you're making progress.  It seems as though, in the dream, you acknowledged something important.  What did you acknowledge about him, about yourself, and the relationship, in the first part of the dream? 

Then the dream shifts, and your mother appears advising you that "it is best to stop trying to find him."  My impression is that's you giving yourself advice. 

How did you feel during the dream?  How do you feel now? 

[caughtnreleased]

Hi thanks for your response. In my dream I suppose what I acknowledged about my ex was that he was un reachable, unattainable, in hiding and not willing to be found... .And that in fact my searching for him was futile, and led me only to diversions and going around in circles. 

I felt frustrated in that first part.  In the second part of my dream I felt loved and relieved.  Finally there was a voice that in a sense offered a solution and spoke the truth :stop looking.  But it conveyed love from both "my" BPDs. For the first time my mother gave me comfort. And the voice introduced the idea that my BPDex was acting out of love for me by staying out of reach.  So yes, first part of my dream was frustration and obstacles, second part was accepting and relief with a feeling of love.

[blissful_camper]

Hi thanks for your response. In my dream I suppose what I acknowledged about my ex was that he was un reachable, unattainable, in hiding and not willing to be found... .And that in fact my searching for him was futile, and led me only to diversions and going around in circles. 

Do you mean that the person you thought he was will not be found? 

I felt frustrated in that first part.  In the second part of my dream I felt loved and relieved.  Finally there was a voice that in a sense offered a solution and spoke the truth :stop looking.  But it conveyed love from both "my" BPDs. For the first time my mother gave me comfort. And the voice introduced the idea that my BPDex was acting out of love for me by staying out of reach.  So yes, first part of my dream was frustration and obstacles, second part was accepting and relief with a feeling of love.[/quote]
The acceptance and relief must have felt really good.   

[myself]

I had a dream about my ex this morning. She was driving her car on some roads out in the country and I was running alongside. We were talking pleasantly enough, for awhile, but she started making rude comments and angry accusations towards me. It was obvious I wasn't going to be invited inside the car, and didn't feel like asking to, even though part of me still wanted to be with her. We came to the top of a large hill where I stopped and watched her continue driving, seeing she was going around in a repeating pattern that was like an infinity symbol. Each time she went by again it was as if she noticed me less and less. Each time she went by again I saw she was stuck with herself, but eventually I turned and walked away. Waking up.

[caughtnreleased]

blissful camper,

I think rather, that I cannot find the person that my ex actually is.  His identity.  He hasn't defined it himself, and therefore that is what remains unreachable. When I was with him, I did feel that he never really revealed himself to me... .he told me certain things about himself... .but I didn't really know who he was.  What he liked, what he didn't like... .etc.

So I think I was searching for HIM in my dream... .I wanted him to be defined, to be real. Instead, I felt his presence in my dream, like he was kind of watching over me, but in a wizard of Oz kind of way, and was hiding behind a curtain made of steel, so there was no way I could find him. 

The acceptance, and relief, and mostly just a feeling of love, that cut through my anxiety of searching for my ex, and finally gave me a mother who was looking out for me. I felt like my mother AND my ex were looking out for me and therefore, I needed to stop my futile search.  It felt really great.   I don't really have that feeling now that my dream is over, but I am not really affected by my ex leaving me again (we had a brief recycle), and am less affected by my mother's behaviour.  Perhaps I need to try and remember the feeling that came over me in my dream and allowed me to stop and let go.

Myself, thanks for sharing your dream.  Seems like you have also reconciled with yourself in your dream... .Would you say it has helped with your feelings about your ex?  I think my dream really did. 

It told me that, regardless of the outcome with these unstable people in my life, there was and is love, because I am capable of it.

[Blimblam]

Wow. i had such a telling dream of my BPDex and uBPD mother!

So in my dream, I was looking for my BPDex.  A guy who looks nothing like him at all (essentially different race), shows up and says he's my ex.  I believe him, but am skeptical, but we hang out for a week.  Then after a week, I call his bluff out and say... .you are NOT my ex.  Where is he? Bring me to him! I run into a girl who tells me that if I do a scavenger hunt it will bring me to my ex... .I too call her bluff and tell her: this is just another diversion... .bring me to my ex.   Then my mother (who is uBPD) appears and says "Caughtnreleased perhaps the reason why your ex has gone away and is hiding from you is for your own good, and it is best to stop trying to find him."  End of dream!

WEIRD.  Yes I have always been trying to figure out WHO my ex was... .and he rarely, if ever, showed me what I could surmise were true glimpses of himself.  But my mother... .who, let's face it, has not been a mother to me in real life, actually appears in my dream to speak to me about what is perhaps in my own interest.  Could this be progress for me? hard to know what these things means.

Woe amazing

Yes this is major progress

[Deeno02]

Trying to get the picture of her and the other guy out of my head. Anxiety of her and him together in all ways makes me a functional idiot. So painful... .