NEA-BPD Family Connections Program

[heronbird]

Wow, this is interesting, sounds a bit like what I want to do. Id like to know, how many weeks is the course, mine for now is just 5, first one is how to reduce conflict I believe. I havent remembered what we are doing every week one week is validation.

Did your new techniques work with your daughter?

I am trying to learn not to be judgemental with my children, I realise now that I have been a bit like that, its not good for pwBPD is it. Will you learn that do you know?

Im going to see if I can find it on google now, see what they do.

I have already reduced tension in the home by reading Valerie Porrs book and learnt new skills there. Its such a good feeling when it works.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jbmom]

I am trying to learn not to be judgemental with my children, I realise now that I have been a bit like that, its not good for pwBPD is it. Will you learn that do you know?

Im going to see if I can find it on google now, see what they do.

Yes... .she did an exercise as a  group about how we are judgmental without realizing it. I found it difficult to hear what is considered judgmental... .as all through school and work we are asked to be more descriptive. What I discovered... .what I considered descriptive is judgmental to that 5% (her wording for sensitive BPD peeps). 

An example she used... .She asked all of us to chose two words to describe the room. After the simple words of cold, yellow were thrown out, a lot of us started getting more descriptive... .old, tired, boring ... descriptions of the room which held emotion.  Its more so of sticking to the facts with out our perception. 

So bottom line... .I thought I was nonjudgmental... .but really to that 5% how I say things could be judgmental. So I need to turn off the higher communication style when talking to DD and stick to the basics.

Well let you know how it goes. THey do run a teleconference version of this meeting... .its 12 weeks.

[vivekananda]

jbmom that sounds great! I like the description of you and your dh having three heads trying your new techniques   

Your enthusiasm for the chance for you and dh to do this together is wonderful. My dh and I are going to a group here for parents of people with BPD, in a couple of weeks. I hope it is as positive an experience as yours. I am a bit worried that my group will have only extreme BPD people whereas our dd is functioning, sort of, I think... .

Please keep us up to date with how it goes. We need the good stories 

cheers,

Vivek

[heronbird]

Jbmom,

Yes I realise, my son who is 21 was going out and he had an unlit cigarette in his hand, I gave him a look, but then I saw in his face he felt bad.Then I thought thats judgemental, but isnt it hard as a mum, course we are judgemental, we have opinions, I have strong opinions and I think theres nothing wrong with that, well my dd does not have opinions much, just goes with what others opinions are.

I do judge my dd, she has been so bad, so its the hardest thing not to, although its easier now she is 18, I more or less leave her to it.

I dont get how to help them without being judgemental or seeming to be controlling, I dont think I am controlling just careing. Your course sounds really good.

Viv,

Im sure your course will be good too, let us know how it goes.

Oh my gosh, my daughter has been so easy for the last 3 weeks, I have fallen into the trap of, its ok, she is fine now, no more BPD. Why do I always do that ?

[jbmom]

I dont get how to help them without being judgemental or seeming to be controlling, I dont think I am controlling just careing.

I struggle with this... .because she is 13 and still has lots of life lessons to learn. I am not ready to give up on giving her guidance... .and yes it comes off very judgmental... .its our family values vs the community values (which suck).

We encountered another problem... .I think it went okay. DD is not eating. She has been getting harassed at school - again.  She has a friend that doesn't eat... has an issue. ANd lucky for us, that friend moved into our district this year and now she sits at lunch. I had reports of DD just buying a bottle of water... then she is dizzy and shaking come dance class. This morning I gave direct orders to DH who has the early shift... .to make sure she eats breakfast. She didn't. Then said she had a banana, then confessed she threw half of it out.  So my talk this morning. She can't afford to do this to herself. Her grades, her dance relies on her being well nourished (not well fed - but nourished) so all her body functions correctly. She had been complaining all weekend of not feeling well -- well try eating and you will feel better. I gave in and told he she doesn't need multiple helpings, but she has to have something so her brain is nourished and can focus.  She grabbed another piece of fruit.

My threat is real... .I do not want to get an aide to sit with her at lunch to ensure she eats. So start eating.  I think she heard it... .gave me a hug as she left. No eye rolling, no nothing. Just a little sadness that she was caught. I can't tell if this is just the next way to hurt herself and get attention or if she is just really copying this other girl.  But everyone was calm and that's the good thing.

[lbjnltx]

jbmom,

I think you handled that very well.  You communicated care and concern without judgement and let her know that you are going to look out for her best interests ... .especially when she will not... .good advocating! 

[heronbird]

Well jbmom at least you have the advantage of knowing how to teach her coping skills or what ever she may need, and you can change, but when my dd was difficult at 13 I had never heard of BPD so for 3 years we didnt validate or anything, school treated her like a rebellious teen, and we thought she was a spoilt brat. well I can understand that now, even dd says she used to act like a spoilt brat.

Course she didnt, I just remember that all the time her head is all over the place and she cant do normal things easily.

I think its great that your dd is doing dancing, mine never stuck to anything for long, she did like gymnastics but gave up after a few months.

Keep up your good work

[vivekananda]

so proud of you jb, so glad you were able to walk that tightrope between judgement and advocacy... .i never thought of it that way before. I do have a lot to learn   .

cheers,

Vivek  

[cfh]

Has anyone taken this 12 week course and how did you like it?  I took the Family to Family Course (NAMI) 12 week course given by NAMI and I thought it was wonderful.

I registered for the next Family Connections Program but since they don't have a schedule I have no idea when it will be given next in my area.

[Esperança_Hope]

   This is great, cfh

I wish we had here in Bahia such a blessing. A few people know what is BPD in my small village.

Is there any way you talk about it with us?

Thanks

Esperança

[cfh]

Esperanca

I think that Family Connections does the course by teleconference for those who live in an area where the course isn't given.  I will get some information on this and post it.  I don't think NAMI has anything like that though.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Esperança_Hope]

       

thanks, cfh

[pattyt]

Has anyone taken this 12 week course and how did you like it?

My husband and I took this course this past spring.  It did help us very much to understand what our dd is experiencing, and to help us find ways to communicate better with her.  Just being around others who had the same issues and concerns about their loved ones was so very helpful.

[jbmom]

DH and I are in current Family Connections course. We have been to 4 classes - then the storm hit, so I don't know when we are continuing.

IT is fantastic! It has really helped me understand validating and mindfulness.  If you can get in a class... .I highly suggest you take it.

[Reality]

Hello,

Has anyone done the Family Connections course online?  Wondering what that would be like... .only way we in the backwoods of Canada can do the course, unfortunately.

Reality

[Someday . . .]

Dear Moderators, Advisors and Ambassadors - I don't know if this is ok for me to suggest the course on this site . . .I looked for a way to ask you privately but did not find one . .so here goes:  The National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorders has a 12 week program for relatives with a loved one who have BPD.  The program seeks to provide the most current up to date information and research on BPD, to teach coping skills based on DBT and to develop a support network.  My co-leader and I will begin our first program in the San Francisco Bay Area (located in the East Bay - Pleasant Hill) on Thursday, February 7.  If you are in the area and are interested in the program, please go to NEABPD's website and register on the Family Connections page (specifically Family Connections Registration Form).   We will get your name from NEABPD in the next month and will contact you!

Thanks!  Look forward to meeting you!

[lbjnltx]

Thank you why oh why.  The NEABPD and Family Connections program are spoken of often here on the board.  They are well respected and promote solid skills.

lbjnltx

[Someday . . .]

Thanks!  I'm glad that it is promoted!  Anything that can help us is soo appreciated!

[lbjnltx]

Just wish there were more classes across the continents and the oceans!

lbj

[cfh]

whyohwhy

We are so excited to start the course in NYC in January.  We need to drive 3 hours to get there but  my non son lives there so we will stay with him Wednesday nights.  A couple of years ago we took the Family to Family Course (NAMI) and that was great too but dealt with all types of mental illness.  Excited that Family Connections focuses on BPD.

[Someday . . .]

cfh, I'm so glad that you are able to attend a class!  It is nice to have a class that just focuses on BPD and btw, what a great 'excuse' to see your son too! 


lbjnltx, I didn't realize how popular Family Connections courses are, I believe that our training class was told that it is now in 16 different countries . . and counting!  I'm so glad that the word is getting out about BPD! 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lovesjazz]

I was trying to find the locations for the course but couldn't on the website. Could someone direct me? Thank you.

[cfh]

When I first got on their website they do not give specific locations or dates.  You fill out the information and when a class is being given in your area they notify you.

[radioguitarguy]

Just wanted to give y'all a heads up for anyone who lives in the greater Danbury, CT or New Haven CT areas. My wife is starting up a new "Family Connections" group in Danbury, CT which begins tonight and goes for 8 weeks. There will also be a new group startup in New Haven CT in January. If you're interested or just need some general info, contact me via private message, and I'll put you in touch with my wife.

These Family Connections groups are wonderful! They are much like these wonderful "boards" but you're in the same room. We've made some great friends, and like this BPD Family, they are truly the only people that really understand what we're up against and are going through.

[uniquename]

I need a lot of validation right now to get through this (see my other posts ). I have started the NAMI Family-to-Family class. Before that, I had signed up to be notified about the next NEABPD Family Connections in my area or telecom. I just got an email one's starting in September so signed up for that. I'm planning to go to try out a NAMI Family Support Group tomorrow night.

Have any of you tried these? Thoughts?

[teapay]

At times I've been involved with NAMI, but much less now.  The groups and F to F course can be somewhat helpful and provide you more insight and a connection with people locally which can be very important.  Those involved in nami are typically parents/siblings/adult childten of adults with MI.  Partners are definitely in the minority, 15%or less.  As such, nami seems to have a focus on individuals being caretakers for their sick loved one with the hope that that the sick one can ultimately get healthy and gain independence.  For partners some of it can be validating and some of it can be invalidating.