Can you give me a reality check?

[random]

That's really smart, newfreedom. I am easily influenced too, and learning to mull things over, take input but listen to myself. (You've seen how well it's going in my scary move thread  )

And kudos on not seeing things in black-and-white!

Still, I'm glad you heard us offering you a kinder perspective on yourself! Big hug.  x

[LionDreamer]

Hi nf,  How are you doing today?  Have things improved with your T?

Thinking of you,

LD

[newfreedom]

Hi nf,  How are you doing today?  Have things improved with your T?

Thinking of you,

LD

/

Hi LD,   

I won't talk with t again until next week, no appt. this week.    I'll be talking with her about what I have shared here so we'll see.    Thanks for checking in, LD,   x  nf

[LionDreamer]

Hi LD,   

I won't talk with t again until next week, no appt. this week.    I'll be talking with her about what I have shared here so we'll see.

I really like your process, where you consider things deeply before evaluating and making decisions.     

Let us know what happens,

LD

[newfreedom]

Update:

After I wrote this post and shared about my therapist here, I became depressed, anxious, confused and really tired, wasn’t sleeping well.   I had some big concerns about my T of 14 years, who in many ways is the mother I never had.   I contemplated not bringing up my concerns and  just terminating the therapy, after all, I had that right, didn’t I?  I was considering finding a PD specialist  as had been suggested by some folks.

Every time I thought about the issues I needed to bring up (lots more in addition to what I shared here came up), I became nauseated and so tired I could barely stay awake.   

So yesterday, I talked with T and first shared my huge anxiety about sharing my concerns and angry feelings.    She could not have been more helpful….or more human.  Then I got it all out.    She stayed so grounded and authentic.    She was open and vulnerable and expressed hurt over some of what I shared, but never got defensive or mad at me.  It was such a gift for me to have had the experience.     

She didn’t grow up with borderline parents so does not have the personal experience and she is not a PD specialist.   (She has had borderline clients and so knows a lot about the characteristics.)   I mention that because despite that she is not a specialist,  she makes up for it in so many other ways, ways that are invisible really, ways that can only be felt.     

I’m so grateful to have this forum, it was where I got in touch with the anger and was subsequently able to have this breakthrough in my therapy.    Now I can say that I am grateful that there were some legitimate issues about the therapy that I have not been happy with, she is only human.   Those things enabled me to voice my anger and be heard, validated, and experience real intimacy.     Lots to be grateful for today, especially this board.         nf

       

[Jbird]

    awesome thank you for sharing that!     I bet it feels great to have a T that you know can handle your truth when you give it to them!

[LionDreamer]

She didn’t grow up with borderline parents so does not have the personal experience and she is not a PD specialist.   (She has had borderline clients and so knows a lot about the characteristics.)   I mention that because despite that she is not a specialist,  she makes up for it in so many other ways, ways that are invisible really, ways that can only be felt.     

I’m so grateful to have this forum, it was where I got in touch with the anger and was subsequently able to have this breakthrough in my therapy.    Now I can say that I am grateful that there were some legitimate issues about the therapy that I have not been happy with, she is only human.   Those things enabled me to voice my anger and be heard, validated, and experience real intimacy.     Lots to be grateful for today, especially this board.         nf

Thanks for the update nf and awesome work!  Finding your voice and having it heard is terrific. I'm so proud of you.  

LD

[random]

Newfreedom, that's so great! Congratulations on getting up the courage to voice your concerns, it sounds like it wasn't easy. And I'm so happy for you that you got a helpful and productive response from your T.

 

[BMama]

 x

[joiesophie]

   

js

[LionDreamer]

Hi nf,  I see you've done some awesome work lately.     

How are you doing today?

LD

[newfreedom]

Want to update and ask for support today.    A week or so after my last post here re: my therapist, I decided to terminate with her.    So we have been working on closure and today is my final session with her.     I am a mess.    She's been really supportive of my desire to terminate and fully supports it.    (I'll most likely do another thread or add to this one about how I got to this point).    Right now though, I just want to say that without this board, I wouldn't have found my voice or the courage to do this.   Please send me your good vibes and prayers, I need it today.   She is like the mother I never had in many ways, been with her for 14 years, love her very much, but right now I need apples and all she has is oranges (for the most part).     Separating from mother was  dramatic and life threatening...I'm sure that is being triggered here...I'm so sad, it feels like yet another huge loss.    nf

[BMama]

 x

NF

and some more

   x

[Erika]

NF - Thinking of you!  x

Erika

[LionDreamer]

Right now though, I just want to say that without this board, I wouldn't have found my voice or the courage to do this.   Please send me your good vibes and prayers, I need it today. 

Yes this board has helped you but you have done all the work!   I think the paradigm for this journey of healing is courage and the reason I think this is we have to look at really painful, difficult aspects of ourselves, knowing exactly what we will find (the pain,the shame, the hurt) and yet we look inwards anyway.   

I truly honor your courage (root: coeur = heart)!

LD