I am ALL that... and a bag of chips?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Did your exBPD extoll her own virtues over and over and insinuate or tell you outright that you'd never do better?

My ex is an extreme braggard and really does believe she is that. When I asked her why her ex's wont ever return a call or email she told me it was "because their new partners were controlling them because I am such a threat"... .so nothing to do with being an abusive uber-hit_ then?

Were your exBPD's up their own bee-hinds?

[turtlesoup]

Did your exBPD extoll her own virtues over and over and insinuate or tell you outright that you'd never do better?

My ex is an extreme braggard and really does believe she is that. When I asked her why her ex's wont ever return a call or email she told me it was "because their new partners were controlling them because I am such a threat"... .so nothing to do with being an abusive uber-hit_ then?

Were your exBPD's up their own bee-hinds?

[lionheart0725]

It is common for other personality disorders co-occur along with borderline.  your ex sounds somewhat narcississtic which is a co-occurring personality disorder.

[2010]

Both narcisissm and BPD share denial as a useful defense mechanism. Denial also goes hand in hand with blaming others.

[PotentiallyKevin]

It is common for other personality disorders co-occur along with borderline.  your ex sounds somewhat narcississtic which is a co-occurring personality disorder.

It is common for other personality disorder TRAITS to co-occur along with borderline.  your ex sounds somewhat narcississtic which IS a TRAIT of borderline personality disorder.



Sorry, too much of a temptation.

I get a lot of flack for saying this, and it is basically more about developmental "Theory" - which i guess is pretty useless when you think about it... .But I still believe a person cannot be both NPD and BPD... .

Borderlines are failed narcissists. Doesn't mean they don't desperately try to be one.

Discuss?

The DSM-IV is utterly useless when it diagnosis on "symptoms" not etiology. All PDs will completely overlap when you compare symptoms. My ex could have been diagnosed HPD, NPD, AvPD, DPD, etc etc etc, but developmentally speaking - she was classic borderline.

[turtlesoup]

It is common for other personality disorders co-occur along with borderline.  your ex sounds somewhat narcississtic which is a co-occurring personality disorder.

Borderlines are failed narcissists.

Hehe, wouldn't that sentence really annoy them :D

[letmego]

MY ex BPDbf would often say I didnt deserve him , that he could do better and find someone that truly understood his needs and then the classic comment every time we broke up was that he was moving on, it was my loss.

Yep I totally agree I really didnt deserve him, I deserved someone that treated me with respect and kindness, and yes he can do better by finding another BPD that will truly understand his needs and yep I really did feel it was my loss when he moved on  .  Lets face it, what I lost was a lot of headaches and pain!

[Welshy]

Mine was obsessed with trying to get in to mensa and even wanted me to take a test with her (in the hope that she would pass and I wouldn't!), she was obsessed with correcting grammar, her favourite tv programme was university challenge, she'd read a brief history of time and understood it, etc... .

She'd make me out to be such a dumbass even though I was the one who had the qualifications, could hold down a job, pay my rent, own my own car and take care of her lazy arse! all she had was her fake tan, hair extensions, a load of debt and a provisional driving licence!

I should of left her sooner, or is that should have... .

[atwittsend]

I should of left her sooner, or is that should have... .

jeez get it right welshy

yup TS my ex is the greatest thing to ever happen to anyone.  bwahahahha

[harmony1]

I heard similar from mine yesterday

in a rant in an email

"I have done more than alot of husbands would have"


wanted to answer

yes you have

lied,cheated,manipulated,blamed me... should I go on?

yeah heard I cant do any better

I have answered back... "YEAH BUT I CANT DO NO WORSE!"

[letmego]

What is it with them and their pretending to be so bright crap?  Mine even started using really big words in his angry texts in the hope i would feel inadequate .  Or say things like " I accept you no longer care for me so i concede "  what sort of stupid speak is that. .  Oh and he thought he should have been in mensa.  Read all these books on psychology and human behaviour oh even studied pick up artist techniques (in the interest of understanding human behaviour of course! YEAH RIGHT) and was always trying to wow me with his knowledge of useless facts.  Most of which he got from lazing about watching tv all day as he couldnt hold down a job.  I used to play him at his own game in the end and use words I know he would end up looking up the next day or say clever little remarks to him in a row , which incidentally he would then use several days later in the next row.   I swear they have no memory of who says what to them at times.

[harmony1]

yes mine too is a master of all trades and expert at nothing

but

pissing .moaning,killing joy... .need I go on?

its their no sense of self

they use the same words so they appear smart...

pay no attention to the man behind the curtain (wizard of oz)

its all  a ruse

[harmony1]

I stand corrected...

a master at "the pity party"

[tori3297]

My uBPDxh's famous line was that I was "lucky to have him".  He usually made this statement as he was posing in front of the mirror. 

[Runningasfastasican]

LOL this thread makes me think... .mine would always say in her messages... .after we separated "you will never ever find another who will love you like I do"... .and she would say it very dramatically... .of course when I would hear these messages, on this point I could not help but grin to myself "I hope that I never do find someone who loves me like you do"... .just a thought ... .of course when we were together... .she alternated between being helpless, angry, controlling, raging, violent... .etc... .of course she often did like to say how smart she was... .and actually to her credit she was smart... .but was just incapable using  those brains in a constructive way... .it was really sad... .

[bkay]

Did your exBPD extoll her own virtues over and over and insinuate or tell you outright that you'd never do better?

Yep... .he was as insecure as they came, but also would claim to be the "sexiest" guy I would ever get. 

Delusional thinking.  He treated me awful 80-90% of the time, but would claim I wouldn't do better.

"you'll never find anyone like me again"

"listen many women have told me I'm the sexiest guy they have ever met, you better be careful"

"did you only love me because I'm so good looking?" 

Yep, he really said all of this and then some.  It was bizarre.  In between crying episodes he would say this.  I was just confused.  I remember either just hanging up the phone and staring at it for a minute wondering if I really just him correctly or looking away if we were in person and just wondering wth was wrong with him.

[hiddenlizard]

Borderlines are failed narcissists.

This is priceless!

My stbx has spent the past year working on the next great million dollar website. Most of our recent conversations consist of him telling me all he is doing (I know better than to try and change the subject) even though I have no idea what he is talking about, (maybe *because* he knows I have no idea what he is talking about?) All I can think about as I make pretend I am interested is, "You really are a self-absorbed idiot and if you had any clue of what you are doing it would be done by now (maybe I am wrong on that count but this project of his seems to be a bottomless pit. At least he is no longer living off of me so maybe he will eventually gain the motivation to get a real job, or to find another woman who, I am sure he hopes, is richer and more needy than I am)

the last e-mail I received (no, have not gone NC - yet) was, on the surface, a list of apologies, which if delivered verbally would have been in that exaggerated and aggrieved tone of voice and was really just a list of all the ways I was not understanding the difficulties he was having. Talk about a pity party... .I declined the invitation.

Once he told me "I" needed to have a successful relationship before he would believe that *he* had a problem. Even though he is on his way to a second divorce and every other gf in his life has walked away (and like me, walked away slowly, backwards, carefully, deliberately, don't turn your back on this guy until you are close to safety and then run like a bat outta hell!)

He recently pointed out that his exes stay in contact with him so he can't be all bad. (reality check - ex wife does phone or e-mail rarely, fiance just before me e-mailed him once, "swinger" couple contacts him from time to time hoping for an "encounter" I guess, a woman he claims to have had a serious relationship with is still friends with him but I have had a conversation with her and I don't know what to really make of the differences in the way she has spoken of their relationshipred-flag ?)

there are times I just want to ask someone to wake me up when it is over... .

oh yeah, I should add that he is a contractor and began a remodel of my house over a year ago, some of it over my objections. He has accused me of wanting to keep him around just to get the work out of him. One of these days I am going to stop biting back the words and I just might tell him that if I was going to marry a man just to remodel my house I WOULD HAVE MARRIED SOMEONE WHO WOULD ACTUALLY FINISH THE F***ING JOB!) He got fired from a job before he even started in on my house which we were going to rent out. He got fired from that job because he was only half way done and had already taken three times the amount of time he had claimed he could do it in. One poor woman in the apartments had to use her neighbor's bathroom for THREE WEEKS!

And he wondered why I was reluctant to start tearing down walls in the house we were living in.

I have been finishing sheetrock and painting. I will hire someone to help with some of the difficult projects. I will gladly pay real dollars instead of with pieces of my soul... .

(and I need some sleep - I couldn't sleep last night after his pitiful e-mail so I gave up and got up at 1 am and worked on painting the bedroom until about 5. I want to get that room finished so I can began to unpack my boxes of books and move some of my furniture back where I want it - slowly reclaim my life and my sanctuary and the peace that I worked so hard to find after the death of my first husband, i need to finish this room... .)

sorry for babbling, thank you for listening, thank you for being here

[hiddenlizard]

taking a break from painting closet doors and trim... .

It seems to me that failing something to brag about a BPD will find a way to put their partner down. I guess it all comes from the same place.

remembering some more of the combination putdowns/self praise that my stbx enjoyed -

I am a professional musician, singer/songwriter, independent recording artist. I played classical violin for 12 years and have also played, and listen to many genres from classical to jazz to rock and folk and bluegrass. I have been called a "musical snob" and told that my tastes are "one dimensional", that he is more "open minded" about music. Please note that this gentleman buys cds for 50 cents at garage sales and listens to much anything that he can get for free off the internet or bootleg from friends. NTTAWWT in and of itself but it has always been very clear that he has no particular "taste" in music, as I guess would be expected of a BPD. He also took it upon himself to give me a singing lesson one time. You see, he sang in a high school choir and I am supposed to be singing scales and other exercises. (Been there, done that - voice lessons for about 15 years myself, mom was an opera singer... .)

I read this and I begin to sound rather uppity to myself but I work real hard at what I do and I don't feel the need to accept non-constructive criticism from someone who's goal is to tear me down... .

I put myself through college working as a cook and caterer among other odd jobs. I am a cancer survivor with chronic digestive problems as a result of surgery. I am very careful about my diet, eat healthy meals, lots of veggies, a few home baked sweets. I have been told that my cooking "lacks diversity", that I eat "too much sugar", that he has "never eaten such greasy food" and that he thinks my herbal tea is the "cause" of many of our fights. When I tried to ask him to refrain from using old, cold dishwater to wash in (the bacteria counts in that stuff is amazing!) he went back and forth between calling me a "know-it-all" and making fun of my concerns, claiming that he has never gotten sick from his own cooking or washing habits but I was wasteful of soap and water and my food was not good for him, he was getting acne and constipation (as he handed me an empty plate - I took to washing the dishes, safer that way ). MAKE YOU A DEAL DUDE - YOU GET SICK AND END UP SPENDING FIVE DAYS WITH A TUBE SHOVED UP YOUR NOSE, DOWN YOUR THROAT AND INTO YOUR STOMACH AND GET BACK TO ME, OKAY? (Or better yet go back to your own house and cook your own meals)

sorry 'bout the yelling - as I was writing this the above mentioned subject called to ask me if it was snowing (left a message) It will never cease to amaze me that he can act as if there is absolutely nothing wrong... .

break over - back to painting after I put on another one of my"one-dimensional" cds.

[reneeth]

HL, please continue after your break,  I pick myself up from the floor, but I am laughing so hard ... .I can hardly type... .OUCH... .tears splashing on the keyboard... .

... .when you are done I have some remodeli9ng to finish

   R.

[Valentine09]

Borderlines are failed narcissists.

This is priceless!

My stbx has spent the past year working on the next great million dollar website.

This is interesting.  Mine wanted to start a website too.  Her idea was, and I'm not kidding she actually told me this:  

to have a site that she could post about all the guys she had strong feelings for anonymously and have anonymous messages sent to those guys directing them to the site so that they could read how much she cared about them.  And the site would be available for anyone to use.  

She told me this right after I told her how much I loved her.  I was pissed off that she'd totally dismiss my feelings like that and told her that her idea was highly implausible and would probably fail.  She doesn't know the first thing about html, css, etc. But these are the types of lame brained ideas that go through their heads.  It's really all about them, because they do think they're worth an entire website devoted to them and their feelings.  

[turtlesoup]

Borderlines are failed narcissists.

This is priceless!

My stbx has spent the past year working on the next great million dollar website.

This is interesting.  Mine wanted to start a website too.  Her idea was, and I'm not kidding she actually told me this:  

to have a site that she could post about all the guys she had strong feelings for anonymously and have anonymous messages sent to those guys directing them to the site so that they could read how much she cared about them.  And the site would be available for anyone to use.  

She told me this right after I told her how much I loved her.  I was pissed off that she'd totally dismiss my feelings like that and told her that her idea was highly implausible and would probably fail.  She doesn't know the first thing about html, css, etc. But these are the types of lame brained ideas that go through their heads.  It's really all about them, because they do think they're worth an entire website devoted to them and their feelings.  

I think this is common too. Mine wrote some kind of political thesis before she got sectioned the second time. When she came out she asked her sister where it was and was told "it was total jibberish I chucked it". Before I thought "awww" and now I think "ha!". 

Ideas above their station mefinks.

[FinPublic]

Mine was obsessed with trying to get in to mensa and even wanted me to take a test with her (in the hope that she would pass and I wouldn't!), she was obsessed with correcting grammar, her favourite tv programme was university challenge, she'd read a brief history of time and understood it, etc... .

She'd make me out to be such a dumbass even though I was the one who had the qualifications, could hold down a job, pay my rent, own my own car and take care of her lazy arse! all she had was her fake tan, hair extensions, a load of debt and a provisional driving licence!

I should of left her sooner, or is that should have... .

Wow. Mine also corrected my grammar and pronunciation. And, for the record? I've got an M.A. in English, taught Freshman Comp for years.

Still... .When I talk, I talk the same way I have for years, things like: "I'm gonna go to the store." Drove him crazy (good, he deserved it), kept yelling at me, "Why do you talk like that? Just go to the store. Don't say you're going to go."

Whenever he'd "let" me answer, I'd tell him I talked like that because I liked to talk like that.  ;p

BC

[turtlesoup]

Mine was obsessed with trying to get in to mensa and even wanted me to take a test with her (in the hope that she would pass and I wouldn't!), she was obsessed with correcting grammar, her favourite tv programme was university challenge, she'd read a brief history of time and understood it, etc... .

She'd make me out to be such a dumbass even though I was the one who had the qualifications, could hold down a job, pay my rent, own my own car and take care of her lazy arse! all she had was her fake tan, hair extensions, a load of debt and a provisional driving licence!

I should of left her sooner, or is that should have... .

Wow. Mine also corrected my grammar and pronunciation. And, for the record? I've got an M.A. in English, taught Freshman Comp for years.

Still... .When I talk, I talk the same way I have for years, things like: "I'm gonna go to the store." Drove him crazy (good, he deserved it), kept yelling at me, "Why do you talk like that? Just go to the store. Don't say you're going to go."

Whenever he'd "let" me answer, I'd tell him I talked like that because I liked to talk like that.  ;p

BC

Mine Three

Or should I say Mine Fwree   

[lionheart0725]

I have seen repeatedly the comment that Borderline's are Failed Narcissists.  I just want to clarify a couple of things from when I commented earlier Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Based on the DSM-IV TR which is the diagnosis manual mental health professionals will be using until around 2012 at which point we will be guided by the DSM 5.0.  Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic Personality Disorders belong to Cluster B of Personality Disorders, individuals appear dramatic, emotional, or erratic.

If an individual has personality features that meet criteria for one or more PD's in addition to BPD, ALL can be diagnosed.  So it is possible to be diagnosed with multiple Axis II's other than mental retardation.  The question is whether or not they meet a full criteria for multiple diagnosis's

Of course there are very similar diagnostic features in these PD's particularly being that they are in the same cluster.

[anker]

When I asked him if he was interested in only me he said "girls don't like me".

But he talked like he should run the place he worked... .like his exes just couldn't get wnough... .he acted at times like his presence was doing me a favor.

In reality he is a fattening balding fortysomething ditch digger with anger issues and a history of mental illness and failed relationships. In his mind he is a sport star (he was pro in his youth) very smart and sexy.

I admit I saw the good stuff in him but his arrogance brought all the bad things to my attention more than anything

[hiddenlizard]

Have you been with a BPD general contractor too?

[lifeisgoodx10]

Did your exBPD extoll her own virtues over and over and insinuate or tell you outright that you'd never do better?

Absolutely! He once told me he reached for the gold ring but instead ended up with me. He was referring to a lady he had asked out a few years ago. She is an ophthamologist and he (x) is a phD (I'm just a nurse). He said they could just not get their schedules together to actually be able to go out. My guess is... .she saw through him and didn't want to go out with him.  Anyway... .he "reached for the gold ring but ended up with me instead. Oh well you take what you get." Assshole!

Of course he covered (after he saw that it hurt my feelings and pissed me off) with, "Oh you know I'm just kidding. I'm only teasing you. You're so sensitive." ASSSShole! I believe he got the response he was looking for. Who says that sort of thing to someone you love?

[turtlesoup]

Did your exBPD extoll her own virtues over and over and insinuate or tell you outright that you'd never do better?

Absolutely! He once told me he reached for the gold ring but instead ended up with me. He was referring to a lady he had asked out a few years ago. She is an ophthamologist and he (x) is a phD (I'm just a nurse). He said they could just not get their schedules together to actually be able to go out. My guess is... .she saw through him and didn't want to go out with him.  Anyway... .he "reached for the gold ring but ended up with me instead. Oh well you take what you get." Assshole!

Of course he covered (after he saw that it hurt my feelings and pissed me off) with, "Oh you know I'm just kidding. I'm only teasing you. You're so sensitive." ASSSShole! I believe he got the response he was looking for. Who says that sort of thing to someone you love?

I was often made to feel second best through action and words for the one whose foot she broke. Maybe its normal that there is one person (who in my case could not stand her, moved countries and never replies to her emails) who was the perfect one. She would say things like "he's twice the man you are" only a day before telling me how he just upped and left her and stole her money!

I keep reading we should hate the disease and not the person, but I gotta tell you, it's hard. When someone has made you feel like crap for two solid years, played on your insecurities and now you find out everything they said was a manipulation, BPD or not, you wanna sock em in the chops!