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Author Topic: What a heartless...  (Read 3530 times)
Butterfly03
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« on: February 19, 2010, 10:45:40 PM »

Well I have seen my exBPDbf for the last time... .ITS OVER... .I turn up at his place and walk in and what do I see a frame that I painstakingly made from my heart with seashells we collected together with his new girl in it I use to be in it I went nuts and said dont you dare use my frames I made for you to put her in them he recons that she put it in there anyway I am in the garage and he is helping me pack my stuff in the car and she rings and while he is in conversation with his new girl he makes sexual gestures towards me and I find out he has lied to his girlfriend bout his whereabouts he told her that he was working when he was standing right next to me (what the!) after he got off the phone to her he said I care bout you more I am honest with you she comes in handy to stay at her place when I get shifts at work and then he went on to say that when he is sleeping with her he feels bad and he thinks of me    what a muddled up man I simply said it is all too late I just want to get on with my life without you in it he broke down and cried and said it was my fault he looked elsewhere for happiness that he warned me not to push him away... .we couldve had a life together mmmmm right... .I drove home with a cloudy head from all his crap he said but now I feel so good and now I can get on with my life in a positive manner!

What an hit_... .

Butterfly
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OnceConfused
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« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2010, 10:54:59 PM »

Butterfly:

Congrats. You are free now. Trust me, the next chapter of your life will be a better one.
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« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2010, 11:15:40 PM »

exactly!... .what an hit_!

hi. just wanted to add some encouragement to you.

i am 16 months of the most strict NC you have ever seen, despite having to run into her most days. its been scorched earth stuff, despite the re-engages, packages at my door, emails, hang up phone calls.

she is on the the next victim. very high proflie and well known to many in the entertainment world. god have mercy on his soul!

move forward my friend and dont let this toxic dangerous hit_ waist another precious minute of your life.

peace be with you.
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« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2010, 11:53:47 PM »

Excerpt
while he is in conversation with his new girl he makes sexual gestures towards me and I find out he has lied to his girlfriend bout his whereabouts he told her that he was working when he was standing right next to me

He has also lied to the girlfriend when he was talking on the phone with you. He cannot be trusted. You have proof. This is what liars do, they lie. Calling them on it just makes them deny and distort and gaslight you.

Do not compare yourself to the girlfriend- she may not be as smart as you.

Collect your belongings- get out. Expect blame, lies, distortion as the aftermath. The only way to deal with this is to put down firm boundaries and stick to them. You will not tolerate this behavior and the best way to get your point across is silence.  Keep your head up. Do not engage.
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Tippy
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« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2010, 03:16:19 AM »

Wow what a complete A hole.  Pat yourself on the back for keeping those boundaries  Smiling (click to insert in post).  They really are a piece of work arent they?  As for the photo, yep, been there.  I took mine to Los Angeles, I did not have a clue he was having a double life with someone else then.  Whilst there we had a fab time, hired out a yellow mustang, met with some friends, took loads of photos.  Whilst he was there he was texting his other woman and organising his holiday with her a month later! WTH!  He moved the other woman in and he was happy to tell me that the wonderful photos we took in LAX were on the fridge... .minus the ones with me in.  I went completely loopy and told him to get the photos off the fridge and how dare he let his new live in girlfriend enjoy seeing them without knowing it was ME who he was with and took the photos!  So I know the anger you are feeling right now.  Good grief, lets all just breath a sigh of relief that we dont have to go there anymore.  As for sexual gestures, yep, mine came round not long ago uninvited to hand me a cd of love songs   , he then tried to make advances on me.  I literally recoiled in disgust.  I didnt realise how difficult it was to bend and break a cd, I threw it in the fire and watched it burn instead. Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2010, 07:17:04 PM »

I was expecting re-engages but not so bloody soon... .he wants me back the love he has is only for me i am the girl for him blah blah blah you know why he is saying this because he knows i got a loan approved on Friday and i am moving out from my parents he asked me for a loan while i was packing my stuff... .they sure do love to fulfill their needs... .

Angry Butterfly
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lifeisgoodx10
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« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2010, 07:31:31 PM »

Butterflies are free to fly!
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« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2010, 07:34:35 PM »

Bank of Butterfly huh? Gee, that's sad. Sure doesn't sound like a good person. I think you know that- but something is keeping you connected and vulnerable. What is it?
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« Reply #8 on: February 20, 2010, 09:05:20 PM »

Yuck!

Let that feeling of disgust carry you forward into a new life without him.
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harmony1
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« Reply #9 on: February 20, 2010, 09:26:03 PM »

butterfly

if you are out... try to stay out... he has done you a favor... I have been with mine for 11 years... the lies the unknown... if you  can start fresh... please do

and yes... he is an ahole Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

sorry you had to even see her pix in your frame... that was intentional and shows you a very dark punitive side ?

x

harmony
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JoannaK
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« Reply #10 on: February 21, 2010, 12:10:43 AM »

Hi Butterfly... It is hard to leave, isn't it?  But it sounds as though you have plenty of new things to think about... that you are really moving forward.

Now... .  how can  you cut down the communication with him (texts, emails, phone calls, any kind of communication ) down towards zero?  What do you need to talk to him about...   anything?
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #11 on: February 21, 2010, 03:25:48 AM »

Thanks to all!    Well I've unfortunately have had to shut down my enquiry form on my business website and I have blocked my exBPDbf email address so he cant email me I have a new sim card ready for my mobile and I am just about to write a letter tonite (its sunday night here) to post tomorrow so I will be totally NC from Tuesday... .I have seen this guys true colours so much more over the last month and I am emotionally cut off from him I am over caring about him well I dont care about him anymore... .Yes I have moved forward dramatically over the last weeks I am out of the FOG and Im never going back... .He told me today he made a mistake seeing this new girl with two kids that he is not happy I knew it wouldnt last long he wouldnt be getting alot of attention I simply said back to him you chose that path you only have yourself to blame it was like he was trying to make me feel sad for him and take him back with open arms... .now that aint ever gonna happen Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)... .he turned round and replied "why are you being mean for" I love it when he says that! He has asked me to move near him and he would spend his time with me i asked what about Vanessa his reply "i dont care about Vanessa I just tell her Im too busy with work and cant come to see her" lovely this is the new girlfriend... .geez how long is that first stage with BPD last? It didnt take him long to get over it! I cant wait till Tuesday so I can get on with it... .hopefully he will respect my requests in the letter and leave me alone and let me get on with my life... .he has no one but himself to blame he will never change he will end up a very lonely old man... .I tried my best with him and I ended up very sick.

Butterfly  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Tippy
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« Reply #12 on: February 21, 2010, 07:15:53 AM »

I swear they right the same script and pass it round!  I am in the identical situation to you.  Let's hold our heads up high, keep the boundaries and move forward.  Good luck xxx
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #13 on: February 22, 2010, 02:54:25 PM »

Well I have woken up this Tuesday morning and it is back to day one of NC I hope he understands what I have written in his letter if he thinks about it and leaves me alone... .I am not religious but I said a little prayer that he lets me get on with my life in peace... .I am now in a stronger position to not want to ring him or give in to his re-engages... .as far as I am concerned his new girlfriend can have him I am over caring

Strong Butterfly 
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Colombian Chick
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« Reply #14 on: February 22, 2010, 03:10:36 PM »

Excerpt
Collect your belongings- get out. Expect blame, lies, distortion as the aftermath. The only way to deal with this is to put down firm boundaries and stick to them. You will not tolerate this behavior and the best way to get your point across is silence.  Keep your head up. Do not engage.

Excerpt
I hope he understands what I have written in his letter if he thinks about it and leaves me alone

He doesn't need to "understand". Why are you leaving it up to him? It's not his choice. He has stepped all over you like a doormat, I mean seriously. This guy sees you like a complete joke. He stomps on you, lies to you, manipulates you, asks for money being with someone else, and you still want to leave it up to him to "undertand"? For him to decide when he leaves you alone?

OMG sweetie, come on now! You have got to be stronger than this, there is no way you can allow a man to treat you like garbage and still have a say on contacting you or not. It's YOUR DECISION, YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND, not him. What do you want him to understand? That he needs to clean his shoes before he stomps on you? Who gives a crap what he thinks or wants!

HE'S AN A$$HOLE!

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crazyoverher
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« Reply #15 on: February 22, 2010, 03:10:46 PM »

good for you butterfly! Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

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crazyoverher
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« Reply #16 on: February 22, 2010, 03:11:57 PM »

great point colombian chick!   you have had great advice for me when i needed it and the same applies for butterfly!   x
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Colombian Chick
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« Reply #17 on: February 22, 2010, 03:15:26 PM »

great point colombian chick!   you have had great advice for me when i needed it and the same applies for butterfly!   x

x

Thanks!

I'm happy to hear my posts have helped you too  Smiling (click to insert in post) 
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« Reply #18 on: February 22, 2010, 03:16:47 PM »

yay for you butterfly.     
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« Reply #19 on: February 22, 2010, 03:24:13 PM »

you are getting stronger dear that is awesome! Keep looking forward dear.  x
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TonyC
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« Reply #20 on: February 22, 2010, 03:40:09 PM »

i hate to say this... .but everyone needs to have or see a defining moment... to make the final cross over... .

that frame thing... .was you point... .something to push you over the edge... .

well you got what you needed ... a definite reason... to stop the madness... .and put a stop to the non sense... .

so block it all babe... .hold onto the thought of the shell frame... .

if you ever had any thoughts... .of change...

this should kill them... .

time to move on... .and wish them well...

good goin... .now be pissed for a while...
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Colombian Chick
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« Reply #21 on: February 22, 2010, 03:50:40 PM »

Excerpt
good goin... .now be pissed for a while...

Yes  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Allow yourself that feeling and then free yourself from it. It's aprocess, embrace it, accept it, and then move on from it. There is nothing wrong with feeling upset or upset. They are feelings you need to allow yourself to feel. Then you will slowly release it.
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #22 on: February 22, 2010, 11:13:15 PM »

WOW OMG thank you so much for the posts guys I really appreciate it I feel the love and support!

It is amazing how much they play with your head i have been so paranoid today it is unbelievable always checking out my window!

I just felt a had to write a letter to have my final say before i dissapeared from his world i told him how it is he constantly told me that he loved me and missed me even though he was with this new girl and asked me back twice while still with her that he realised that he made a mistake but his actions definately didnt  match his words and to me love is actions not words it is so easy to tell someone that you love them to get what you want and that is what he was doing with me... .and yes tony the frame was my turning point and i let him know it in the letter saying that it was totally dissrespectfull towards me so the next couple of days i will be praying that he respects my requests of letting me be in peace... .i also told him that he wanted his cake and eat it to with holding on to me as a friend while having a new girl and i am not that type of person i wanted someone that can ove me with all of his heart not just part of it i told him it was what it was just let it be you chose that path of being with another girl you have to live it - it is not my problem anymore nor are your problems mine anymore i am over caring it is not good for my health especially when you send me a suicide text so i really told him how it was the hind of him to expect me to loan him $2000 and to ask to take him away somewhere and expect me to pay for it unbelievable... .will this new girl go through the same thing? he already told me that she comes in handy when he has work as he is able to stay at her place its like he uses EVERYONE in his world it is horrible! How can there be people like this in this world? This experience sure has opened up my eyes even more... .

Butterfly
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #23 on: February 23, 2010, 02:53:53 AM »

I am filled with so much anger hurt and hate at the moment and it just isnt me to use the word hate... .why cant I get him out of my head!

Maybe I should buy a punching bag and put his face on it!
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Im.okay.now
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« Reply #24 on: February 23, 2010, 03:18:48 AM »

... .why cant I get him out of my head!

The more you try to forget the more you will keep it in your head. Try not to fight it. Try to focus on something else even if it only for a few minutes at a time. Eventually the periods of not thinking about it will grow longer and longer. It's almost like it will leave you alone after you just accept that it is there and that eventually it goes away.
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Tippy
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« Reply #25 on: February 23, 2010, 05:45:49 AM »

I have been in such a similar situation to you its so uncanny.  Mine went on holiday with his girl behind my back without me knowing when we were together, I acutally lent him money to get the tickets as he said it was him and his kids going, he used it to pay for her too! WTH!  Now I have sat with this anger and boy doesnt it just burn away at you.  Here is my recipe that I used.  Take one dining room chair, put it in the center of the room, put a very large cushion on it. Take one large bat/rolling pin/racket, ensure you are alone with all windows closed.  Then beat the cr*p out of the cushion and shout and scream as if its your ex.  Its absolutely fantastic especially if you find yourself in a crumpled heap sobbing.  Get it out and get relief.
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TonyC
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« Reply #26 on: February 23, 2010, 07:46:58 AM »

no letter... .
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GCD145
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« Reply #27 on: February 23, 2010, 07:49:25 AM »

no letter... .

I agree with TonyC, Ms. Butterfly: no letter

Let him go already.  You're just prolonging things needlessly.  Nothing you can say to him is going to get through.

GCD145
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Butterfly03
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« Reply #28 on: February 23, 2010, 08:53:49 AM »

Too late guys he got the letter today and from the message I got on my old mobile sim card he didnt get it I have been "painted black"... .

" You know what F*** you you F*****G lying hit_ im gonna help you shane (my exBPDbf) you are such a F***g liar you said you were going to help me with the loan I change my phone company for you and everything I F*****g hate your guts"

Well all I can say is how charming - he totally didnt get it or understand the letter. To think I was going to loan him money after the way he treated me? Is he for real?  My psychologist told me the loan was just a way for him to hold on to me even longer. Some people are just unbelievable. Well I suppose I can get on with my life now! He is now someone elses problem... .

Butterfly
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« Reply #29 on: February 23, 2010, 09:30:48 AM »

yea... .your t is correct on the loan... .just a way to keep you around... (sorry)

at yes... .that was a really sweet response... .

and yes... .good luck... so long... .and good luck to new g.f

she just slipped on you shoes... .and she wont like the way they fit... .

him... .he will go on... .and be the same... .she will be replaced in the shell frame... one day...

see how this works babe... all predictable... .like there is a movie script... .


no more contact right... ?

cause your due for the follow up... .

sweetie , baby,... just checkin to see how you are doing... .

oh you can puke now if you wish

your on your way babe... .
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