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Author Topic: Needing advice:  (Read 637 times)
lovinghating
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: boyfriend but do not live together
Posts: 97


« on: February 20, 2010, 11:35:02 AM »

I apologize that I haven't been on in a while as I love this place and the support I get here is wonderful!

My current position:  Ok, so we broke up mid-January and were doing good.  Then a couple weeks ago we started talking one night, just as two friends and nothing else.  It felt good to communicate with him, and we were communicating well.  I had already accepted that he was probably dating again, and it didn't bother me.  Well, last Saturday I was going out with friends who live close to him, so he invited me to come get ready at his place, as well as to come crash afterward on his couch.  When I got there, he had a date there with him, which only upset me as I had told him in advance that if he were going to have someone there to please let me know and I wouldn't show up.  He claimed it wasn't a date and that he had met her the night before when he went to get a suit to wear to his son's wedding.  She helped him pick out the suit, so he took her to lunch and on a motorcycle ride to thank her (ummm... .that is a date in my book).  I didn't care. 

After I got ready, I had a few minutes before I had to leave and we started talking again.  He had told me he was going to start getting help earlier in the week, which is the only reason why we remained friends.  Saturday night he fed me every single line I wanted to hear knowing that he was lying bold face!  Luckily we didn't do anything that night when I got back.  The next morning I got up and made breakfast, only for him to start yelling at me for doing the dishes and going shopping!  No surprise there!  He seemed eager for me to leave right away, and after I left I realized that he probably had another date and was running late or something. 

So now I'm back to square one of trying to get over him!  Except now it's even worse than ever before because I honestly (stupidly!) believed him when he said he was going to start getting help, wanted to be with me and commit to me, etc.  I honestly don't know how much more of these games I can take before I totally lose it and end up in a psychiatric hospital! 

I have to deal with him at work, and that is the hardest part!  How can I totally leave him in the past once and for all?  How do I quit being so gullible?  He has finally dragged me down to the point that I honestly don't believe I will ever be happy again!  (I know... .therapy, but there are reasons why I don't want to do that route if I can help it)
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havana
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Widower
Posts: 5308



« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2010, 11:45:56 AM »

I guess you have figured out that going over there was a bad idea. He let you down from the get go by having another women there when you told him not to.

Excerpt
Saturday night he fed me every single line I wanted to hear knowing that he was lying bold face!

You need to trust your instincts
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Life is short. Shorter for some than others.
2010
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 808


« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2010, 07:31:55 PM »

Excerpt
I honestly don't know how much more of these games I can take before I totally lose it and end up in a psychiatric hospital!  I know... .therapy, but there are reasons why I don't want to do that route if I can help it

Ending up in a psych hospital sort of takes the responsibility away from your own powerful decisions. What are the reasons why you dont want to go the route of therapy? Let's start with those.
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Bdawn
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1497


« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2010, 08:34:28 PM »

Sorry you hurt lh,

I just went through something similar with my ex and we broke up end of October. Unfortunately for me I took it even further than you and ended up back in bed with him before I found out that there were others in the background. I wouldn't have ever known except my gut was telling me something was off so I went snooping. He, of course freaked out at me for snooping and sees himself as the wronged one. I guess it's the hope that keeps us hanging on, even when we know that there is no hope. I feel foolish because I should have known better. Now I'm reeling and trying to work through the fresh pain. It is a setback but I don't think it necessarily puts us back to square one.
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