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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: ok, so I did respond ----  (Read 1194 times)
redrover
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: free at last !!!!!!
Posts: 477


« on: March 17, 2010, 11:47:55 AM »

this is what my BPD's email  said this am

I remember a time when we talked about vacations and there was mention that vacations were about spending time together... .

I'm getting the feeling like theres something wrong here.  If I left would it make your life better.  You say you dont say things you dont mean but saying nothing at all is really confusing.  You never say "I love you until I say the words.  You never touch me... .  what does all of this mean?


after much deliberating this is what I sent in response-

I am tired drained  I have a hard time getting too enthusiastic about things.

I don't  know what to tell you
.

do you think this will work at getting her gone?

I am a wimp ( well I am really scared of her to be honest, so out and out saying things to her is out of the question )   

you know like in a normal relationship , i could say " this isn't working how shoudl we procede at splitting up... ."


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Beast98
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Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 1667


« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2010, 01:59:29 PM »

No, it won't get her gone. Nor will anything else as long as you leave the 'going' to her. You're miserable but you're not doing or saying anything concrete to make it any different. Here's one of my favorite quotes... .

By now I'm sure you realize that the world's not fair and sometimes you get the short end and that's all you get. But unless you're willing to do something, personally, to change it... .That's all you'll ever get.

Think about it. You may feel weak, but you have to summon strength from somewhere and do what is best for YOU. All the best to you.
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TonyC
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Relationship status: single
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« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2010, 02:08:34 PM »

i understood it... .

she wont


get ready for what do you mean?
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MxMan
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Posts: 309


« Reply #3 on: March 17, 2010, 10:06:42 PM »

redrover,

this is a court of BPD. Anything you say can and will be held against you (and will be completely misunderstood). You're just better of not responding to these things at all. If you can work up the strength to ignore or block the incoming "junk mail" I think you should.
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cali girl
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« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2010, 10:35:06 PM »

The only time you can make sense of a BPD's reaction(s) is when they are gone and they convey feelings over email.

This is the catch 22 - they respond appropriately, they put their heads on straight WHEN THEY ARE GONE, they can't live up to these words, it's merely a survival mechanism, their only defense... .cause it sure ain't TRUE LOVE!

think about how crazy your life was, how confused you found yourself WHEN SHE WASN'T GONE.

like night and day... .don't get caught up in the words, remember there is a BPD booklet of kind words floating around out there somewhere.
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2010
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« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2010, 11:02:33 PM »

Excerpt
do you think this will work at getting her gone?

Honestly, this is getting you nowhere and you seem unaware that the problem is your (lack of) truthfulness. Quit messing around with the girl and being passive aggressive.  If you want her gone- then say so
Excerpt
" this isn't working how should we proceed at splitting up... ."

Leading her on because you can't hurt her is hurting her (and you) even more.  Ask yourself why you feel like you cant do exactly what you want to do to solve this.  Who is telling you you *dont* have self-determination?  :)eep inside you there must be a voice that tells you this and it's not from your BPD girlfriend or Wife- These bad passive aggressive habits are old defenses.

Passive Aggressive traits:

Passive, usually disavowed resistance in interpersonal situations.

Ambiguity or speaking cryptically: a means of engendering a feeling of insecurity in others. (a perfect set-up to trigger angry reactions from BPD Women!)

Making excuses for non-performance.

Victimization response: instead of recognizing one's own weaknesses, tendency to blame others for own failures.

The first problem here is yours. Try something different this time and see how easy it is to break this habit. You'll be feeling empowered in no time. Passive aggressiveness is a hard habit to break- but it's within your power. Be forthright and upfront with people. Speak you mind clearly. Stand your ground. Be yourself.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)  Let her go. Tell her.
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