Worried about what she told her dad

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I hadn't thought about this in a while, but I was reading some Facebook related posts here, and it caused me to remember something.  BP wife left in about mid December.  We had planned on going to see her parents out of state over the Christmas holiday but obviously that didn't happen.  The thing that is bothering me is wondering what she told her parents when she went home alone for Christmas.  This is because it was about that time that I noticed that her dad unfriended me on Facebook.  Why would he do that?  I mean, if the story was "sorry Mom and Dad but we're having marital difficulties," he wouldn't have unfriended me.  But if she had some bad story about me, he might.

This is her second marriage (she's only 34) and I know this must all be very disappointing to her parents.  I am thinking that it is possible that she needed for it to not be her fault so she made up something about me that is bad enough to cause her to leave.

I suppose I shouldn't really care, but I really like Father in law.  And I hate for him to think badly about me.

[goldenblunder]

I hadn't thought about this in a while, but I was reading some Facebook related posts here, and it caused me to remember something.  BP wife left in about mid December.  We had planned on going to see her parents out of state over the Christmas holiday but obviously that didn't happen.  The thing that is bothering me is wondering what she told her parents when she went home alone for Christmas.  This is because it was about that time that I noticed that her dad unfriended me on Facebook.  Why would he do that?  I mean, if the story was "sorry Mom and Dad but we're having marital difficulties," he wouldn't have unfriended me.  But if she had some bad story about me, he might.

This is her second marriage (she's only 34) and I know this must all be very disappointing to her parents.  I am thinking that it is possible that she needed for it to not be her fault so she made up something about me that is bad enough to cause her to leave.

I suppose I shouldn't really care, but I really like Father in law.  And I hate for him to think badly about me.

[DAS]

This is her second marriage (she's only 34) and I know this must all be very disappointing to her parents.  I am thinking that it is possible that she needed for it to not be her fault so she made up something about me that is bad enough to cause her to leave.

I suppose I shouldn't really care, but I really like Father in law.  And I hate for him to think badly about me.

I think this is quite likely what happened. I  spoke the truth to some people that we were both friends with - and it obviously got back to her as my last communication from her included "badmouthing me to mutual friends"

But ya - I figure she'll lie to convert 95% of our former social circle so it was all my fault.

Let it go. Let it go. He will always take her side over yours.

[Beast98]

I tend to think that most people will see through that. I went through the whole post break-up smear campaign and none of it worked. I just told her a couple of weeks ago that even now, all her friends and family (including her kids) want her to be with me. Her response... ."Yeah and all your friends and family want you to be away from me."

Can't really argue that. 

[goldenblunder]

I tend to think that most people will see through that. I went through the whole post break-up smear campaign and none of it worked. I just told her a couple of weeks ago that even now, all her friends and family (including her kids) want her to be with me. Her response... ."Yeah and all your friends and family want you to be away from me."

Can't really argue that. 

Ha!

Most of my friends and family have no clue about my wife, but I do know that her family seemed very happy when I came into the picture. Something about me being "stable" her mom said once.  So I can only hope they see through any smears.

[Im.okay.now]

Its her father ... .if he is like most fathers he will always take her side whether she deserves it or not and whatever she says about you or not ? 

Does it really matter what anyone else thinks anyways ?

[Beast98]

Have to agree with ION.

I was married to my (sane) exw for 27 years. I have no local family so her extended family became mine. Even though she and I are the best of friends now, I lost pretty much all of them with the divorce. Could be more of a normal human relationship thing, rather than BPD. Or perhaps I'm just a total a$$hole and they were glad to be rid of me. *shrugs*

[Im.okay.now]

Have to agree with ION.

I was married to my (sane) exw for 27 years. I have no local family so her extended family became mine. Even though she and I are the best of friends now, I lost pretty much all of them with the divorce. Could be more of a normal human relationship thing, rather than BPD. Or perhaps I'm just a total a$$hole and they were glad to be rid of me. *shrugs*

Exactly - i was with my sane (more or less  ) ex wife for over 20 years ... .i am also still friends with her. Her mother dropped me like a hot potato when we split up.  Maybe i'm a total a$$hole too and she couldn't wait to be rid of me too ! LOL

[goldenblunder]

I guess I care because I never had a dad before (grew up with just my mom).  Kinda sucks but I'll just let it go.

[Beast98]

I do understand. I miss them all dearly. Life giveth, life taketh away.  :'(

[2010]

This dynamic was in play *long* before you came on the scene. It happened to the previous Husband as well- so if you can think back on how they described him- you can save yourself some time and just fill in your name. It'll be the same story.

I know it stinks- but this is how dysfunctional families work to save face. The theatrical play has been on stage since her childhood. You've got to understand that the part was already written for you. You cant change the screenplay now.

[goldenblunder]

This dynamic was in play *long* before you came on the scene. It happened to the previous Husband as well- so if you can think back on how they described him- you can save yourself some time and just fill in your name. It'll be the same story.

I know it stinks- but this is how dysfunctional families work to save face. The theatrical play has been on stage since her childhood. You've got to understand that the part was already written for you. You cant change the screenplay now.

Strangely enough, the ex-husband was NEVER mentioned.  They were married in their hometown and the families surely knew each other, but it didn't come up.  It was kind of like well, she is all better now and with GB so lets just go along and get along.  Issues there, though, I could tell.

Interestingly, I remember getting kind of the cold shoulder from the parents at first - somewhere between, "we are tired of meeting new guys" and "this guy will never last".  But they did warm up to me after a few years, it was nice.  I could only save her for so long, though.  As TS posted earlier, It's their loss.