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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: The fabric of my reality has been shred to pieces.  (Read 530 times)
intodeep

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« on: April 08, 2010, 02:54:46 AM »

Well I'm not conviced BPDrecovery forums is anything more than a safe haven for anyone to tell their lies without accountability.  Just a bunch of BPD's helping BPD's.  Kind of like the blind leading the blind.

After pointing her in the direction of that forum a couple years ago, I never once visited.  I felt that could be kind of a safe haven for her to get some help.  Since she left me abruptly on new years eve, not a week has gone by without her texting me "I love you, I miss you, etc"  Sht, just a few days ago she dropped by (hid her car so noone would know) looked me deep in the eyes, told me she we were soulmates, she needed to be alone for a bit to learn how to be alone in order to beat the BPD.  This went on for the past few months, sure I had my suspicions, bit of evidence, but i guess I would listen to her words, and feel her touch and my emotions would melt.  I believed her.  But the fabric of my reality for the last 3 years is unfolding.  I never could have imagined this type of person or relationship dynamic could exist.





EDIT, not sure why I can't post them full size.  Here's copy / paste of the text

Excerpt
Hello all! It's been a very long time since I've been online here, but I think that's a good thing. I haven't needed to vent, haven't needed an outside source to help find clarity, and haven't really thought about it because things were going so well. I got out of a bad relationship in the time I've been gone, got my dream job and loving it, and met a new man. Things have been going generally pretty good, but I'm struggling with this new man of mine. He really is a nice guy, tries his best to be attentive, but he's oddly too needy!

There was a time in my life (not too long ago in fact) that I would revelle in this, but now, it's suffocating me! I've talked to him a few times now about it, it seems he doesn't realize he's doing it and when he does, he just denies it. I told him straight up he's driving me crazy and that I need room to be me and maintain my independence (he knows I'm BPD). He keeps saying he'll try to give me space and work on things, but he just keeps repeating the same behaviour. Does anyone have any insight into what I can do in this situation?

Again, sorry I've been gone so long, just knew the one place I could turn to for feedback, and the healthiest kind was here.

Cheers!

__________

A women is like a tea bag... .You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water

You can have no greater friend than your mind when you are in control... .And no greater enemy when you're not.

Excerpt
Auspicious:

I'll give you an example, now keep in mind my bf has had 4 car accidents all from his own carelessness (and he drives a suped up Eagle Talon with turbo shiz in it), so that's why I worry.

Example: My bf will say he's coming over and that he'll be here around 7pm. At 7pm, no bf. 8:30pm, no bf. So I call him hoping he's okay and that something hasn't happened again (3 of them were within the past 3 months) but just answering machine. I leave a message saying "just wondering how it's going and if you are still popping by for coffee, gimme a call when you have a sec", and by 9:30 no call back. I go to bed because I'm up at 4:30am for work and he shows up around midnight without calling (also knowing I am up at 4:30am for work).

I get up and let him in and will say " I understand that things come up with service calls and stuff (he does on site computer services) but if you aren't coming by when you say for any reason, please at least call me so I know what's up and that you are okay." I think that sounds pretty understanding and showing just a general concern for his safety and setting a boundary by not leaving me hanging when we have made set plans (if it's tentative, then that's a whole different story).

His response is "you're just upset because I have my own life and BPD makes you worry." I will respond, "the BPD doesn't make me worry, the accidents you have and the way you still drive even after then is what worries me. I don't want to be sitting here thinking you're just busy, or get myself to bed while you're lying in a ditch somewhere again." He tells me " if I was lying in a ditch somewhere, emergency services would find me like they always do, and it's my problem if I get hurt anyways." I tell him " it's not just your problem, it's the problem of all the people that care about you. Think about how your actions affect other people, including your family and friends, not just me." He then says, "I don't need you shoving your program hit_ down my throat because I'm not BPD. You think you are being sensible, but you don't even know what sensible is because you can't see things the way they really are remember?"

At this point, I usually just shut my mouth and ask him to go because I need to sleep. Then, I go into my room, lay in my bed, and cry. I get totally confused and go over everything I said again in my head, read my course books and workbooks to see if I dealt with it incorrectly, but usually come to no solid answer and just second guess myself til I need to leave for work (without much sleep).

I know when I'm stuck in the emotion that I'm impossible to deal with and all over the map with my thoughts, but this particular instance doesn't exactly make me raging mad, but he acts as if I am behaving this way and I think it's just because that's what he's use to. The problem is, that even though I'm changing my behaviour as best I can, and will continue to do so, he treats me in the same way he always has; defensively. I've even told him that I'm not attacking him or meaning to attack him about his driving, but just that I'm genuinely concerned for him because of the recent incidences. Sometimes, I feel like he's the one with BPD! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Opinions are very much welcome on this!

Thanks

Keeks

__________

A women is like a tea bag... .You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water

You can have no greater friend than your mind when you are in control... .And no greater enemy when you're not.

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intodeep

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« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2010, 03:01:22 AM »

Exceeded 15000 chars Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)...

Here's the rest... .:P


My reply, posted on bpdresources.net.  Awaiting moderator approval, it's been a couple of days and never showed up.  I'm now convinced sites like BPDrecovery serve just to enable these people.

Excerpt
Keekster.  Old boyfriend here.  While I've spent countless hours at the bpdfamily forum, it's my first time logging in here as trust was one of the major things I valued in our relationship (or thought I did).  To be perfectly honest, I am astounded by the lies and distortions I have seen here.  First of all, I'm not posting this with any anger, I only want you to see clearly your actions and take responsibility.  Which if you only would, would be a major hurdle towards recovery.

Since you broke up with me (1st time on my birthday, dec 21st, then finally on new years eve), there hasn't been a week gone by that you haven't sent me text messages saying "I love you", "I miss you so much".  This whole time, you've been telling me I am the one you want to spend your life with, I am the one you love.  Your reason for leaving which you stated many times was that you needed to learn to be alone in order to beat the BPD.  :)espite the bits of evidence to the contrary, I chose to believe you, as trust is imo fundamental to a good friendship or relationship.  In the past months I have pleaded with you that if you respected me at all as a friend to just tell me the truth, do not spare my feelings, just tell me so that I may move on.  In fact just a few days ago you popped by, held me tight, looked me deep in my eyes and told me you loved me, and appeared to passionately kiss me though I noticed you were just going through the motions.  You had parked your car on another street way behind my house, cleverly before I even took notice of that you told me a cop was following you and made you nervous so you turned down that street instead.  This is what didn't add up to me, as the only possible reason would be that you didn't want someone to know you were here.

Now my understanding of it, is that people afflicted by BPD have a tendency to want to keep past relationships on hold as a safety net against rejection or being alone.  For your own health, and the health of your current and future relationships, I urge you to let me go.

When I finally confronted you that things didn't add up, you angrily phoned me and told me that your landlord stole your scanner so you moved in with the neighbour's.  However from the time you moved into that basement suite, we hardly saw each other.  You were always out to dinner, or to a concert or other event, with this neighbour, Vital.  After feeling this disconnection, I asked you and you replied you were just friends, I believed you, I trusted you.

We had been long time friends, but I was not close enough to see your symptoms first hand until we were solidly into the relationship.  You had told me you were bipolar (which is what you thought at the time, but it didn't match up to the symptoms)  I was dumbfounded, I couldn't understand the push/pull, the volatility, the rage, the cutting, the suicide threats and attempts, the extreme depth of which out connection grew so quick.  I stumbled upon BPD and after reading a couple books immediately knew what was afflicting you.  I then suggested that you bring this up with your therapist.  Fast forward a few months, it was a confirmed diagnoses.

I supported you through some of the most difficult times for the next year and a half while you pursued your cbt course and even pointed you towards this forum.  I read "The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living with Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder" cover to cover numerous times and always tried to apply the techniques of communication described there.  Everything I could do to help, i tried so hard.

The constant cutting, suicide attempts and threats, threats to my safety, 3am showing up at my door screaming and refusing to come in, hitting yourself in the head, wrestling knives away from you, jumping out of my car while driving you home (or in some cases to the hospital), had it's toll on me.  I eventually slipped into a deep depression and began self medicating which while it helped in the short term, only made me less able to cope in the long term.  I just gave up, but I couldn't just leave you, you 'needed' me.  I lost interest in all my dreams and hobbies, and focused solely on you.  At the time you were constantly telling me your wanted to marry me and start a family.  I kept responding, let's just see where things go, if we can just get along for a period of time.  To be honest, with all the pleading and pressure, and being deeply in love with you, I was almost ready to propose as you told me you wouldn't be around much longer if I didn't, and I didn't want to lose you.

And then just like that you were gone.  But not gone, you continue to tell me how much you want me in your life, that you're doing all this for us, and that you can't be a good mate or a good mother until you beat this, and that you love me and miss me so much.  Again I'm just dumbfounded how you can be telling me this meanwhile in a relationship with someone else.

To be honest, though little bits of evidence were adding up, I chose to believe in you.  It's only in the last week (I guess I've been away long enough to get out of the fog) that I've started to really think about what I know to be factual vs what you tell me.

And now having read some of your posts here, such as one suggesting I have a fast car and drive like an idiot, oh yeah and had four accidents.  Complete lies.  I'd be willing to submit a driving abstract if that is necessary to prove this.  I have not had an accident in over 10 years, and the only 2 that I did have (were in very large, slow and luckily safe cars), I was rear-ended while stopped at a light for one, and the other one I was t-boned while turning left on a green light by a lady who ran a red doing about 90 Kph on the highway.  Both of them I was cleared at 0% fault.  While automotive performance is a hobby of mine, I keep it to the track and events, I pride myself in safe driving, I am a roadstar (maximium safe drivers discount) and have the records to prove it.  Which is why I find this accusation so out of the blue.

In another post you mentioned I would tell you at 7 I'd be coming over and not show up.  Every day regardless of my needs, you demanded to see me.  I obliged to the best of my abilities.  I run a small computer repair business, and as such sometimes my schedule would simply not permit driving 45 minutes each way to go for a 'walk', only to arrive, you changed your mind, went to sleep.  And you slept deeply there was no waking you, until it was time to leave.  No matter how quietly I inched out, you would wake up and demand I stay longer (while you slept).  Sometimes I wouldn't leave until 5am, just long enough to get home and catch a few hours nap before work.  This happened so much I couldn't estimate how many times if I tried.  One particular day I remember was about 2 months into the relationship.  I went skiing (one of my hobbies) for the first time since we had started dating.  I had dropped by a coffee to you at work on my way out and gave you a kiss, told you i'd call you when I got back and would see you tomorrow.  I remember being at the very top of the mountain, and receiving your call, desperately demanding I come see you.  I immediately left the mountain (after maybe 45 minutes of skiing on a $48 day pass) and drove 2 hours to see you, upon arriving, you fell asleep shortly after and wouldn't let me leave.  Any time I tried to say no would result in a fight, often you hopping the bus and showing up at 1am only for my to drive you home, come in, sit with you while you fell asleep so you could go to work the next day.  So eventually I 'learned' to stop saying no.  When I was swamped with work and service calls, you'd demand I visit, I eventually started saying maybe, I'll give you a call once I'm done working.  Sometimes that would be too late for you, but work is a fact of life.  People are sometimes stuck on different hours and see each other a few times a week.  You had to see me EVERY day, which just realistically wasn't possible despite how I wanted to make you happy.

I remember when I finally stood up and told you I would like to visit my friends once a week, you retaliated by staying that night weekly with your old boyfriend.  Of course I trusted you when you told me you were just friends despite those who knew Mark had told me 'he's only interested in sex'.  As I think about it, the numerous times you'd spend nights or weekends at 'friends', the more I see the reality of out 'relationship'  I urge you to drop the safety nets with your current and any future relationships, as this is detrimental to both your recovery and my recovery (and I'm sure others)

I always showed you love, support and compassion to the best of my abilities.  I'm only bringing this up as I feel you need to face the reality of what happened with our relationship.  Radical acceptance, you need to know you destroyed me.  I'm now rebuilding my life now and quickly, but the reality is BPD can have extreme consequences to those close to you.  Please face it head on, you are so intelligent and strong willed, I know you can beat this.

Please do no attempt to contact me again, consider me out of your life.  I gave up so much for you, I devoted my life to you.  All I requested was that you be honest with me, and it appears you cannot be.  I needed closure, and now have found it.  Best of wishes to you in your new relationship and recovery.  No doubt you have a long road ahead, but your inner strength will carry you through.

Love(d),

... .

Since then, there's been phone calls with the "truth", emails, etc.  But as I am now examining every detail in our relationship that I chose to ignore before, chose to trust.  The more I dig, the more truth comes out.  Though she dropped by yesterday, told be she left him last night, we were soulmates, etc, despite fairly concrete evidence to the contrary.  In fact she's living with that guy (told me it was someone else she was dating to throw me off I guess), but the evidence adds up and I'm now facing reality.

During the last year or so I developed quite an addiction to pain killers.  It was the only relief I could find for the daily heartbreak.  It helped for quite a while, but left me just more of a slave.  I'm now free of both addictions, and I must say she was the worst of the two, though the nature of the relationships were  strangely parallel.  The great dualities of heaven and hell.  Perhaps this addiction to what my logical mind says is a toxic relationship, shares even some of the same neurochemistry, the endorphin system is heavily tied to the amazing feeling of connection, acceptance, love, sex, and attenuation of pain, both physical and emotional.  We become addicted to the endorphin rush of acceptance, and crave it when it is taken away.

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intodeep

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« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2010, 03:04:55 AM »

She didn't know good she had it.  I trusted her instead of my inner voice.  She says she's suffocating with the 'new man', well good I hope she drowns in it.

'
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intodeep

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« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2010, 04:11:14 AM »

Was going to edit the previous post as it seemed a bit harsh.  I just want her to face reality head on, she's so intelligent and strong willed I don't see how she can't beat it.  She knows she has BPD, been through programs and therapy, but has only learned better how to hide the low functioning symptoms and project all of her problems onto others (me)   it's only radical acceptance that will ever cure her.  I truly wish her the best.

I am broken now.  To be honest I was prepared to spend the rest of my life alone before I ever met her.  I don't know why it's so hard to face it now.
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« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2010, 05:29:17 AM »

Excerpt
For your own health, and the health of your current and future relationships, I urge you to let me go.

Do not leave it up to her. She won't stop. You have to let go on your own.

Excerpt
I'm now convinced sites like BPDrecovery serve just to enable these people.

Her recovery is not up to you. She must do it. You have your own recovery to look after. This is your way of letting her go- as you wish she would let go of you. You both must let go of one another. Her recovery process will then be off limits to you. And yours will be off limits to her.

Excerpt
but the evidence adds up and I'm now facing reality.But the fabric of my reality for the last 3 years is unfolding. the more I see the reality of out 'relationship' the evidence adds up and I'm now facing reality. Please do no attempt to contact me again, consider me out of your life.  I'm only bringing this up as I feel you need to face the reality of what happened with our relationship.

This is a good read:

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

If you have to read it forty times a day- do so- it will help your spirit mend.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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turtlesoup
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« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2010, 05:43:30 AM »

Hey Guy,

I understand your desire to justify yourself against the smear campaign and how irritating the lies are, the things you wrote resonate with me. Unfortunately we are dealing with people with mental illnesses I have noticed that the truth and making sense do not figure high on their priorities neither do honouring the past nor integrity.

My advice is to step away from that forum and concentrate your time and efforts on you and your recovery. I know it is not justice or fair, you are a good guy, I am a good guy, everyone on here is a good guy when it came to the BPDex, we all tried our best, put up with totally unreasonable demands and were we thanked for it? No, we were/are punished. We feel we gave these people so much and they spat in our face. We can't understand it. We have learnt "treat people how you would like to be treated", to be considerate, to give people chances, to help those with illnesses, but BPD is a self defeating illness. She will reel friends and lovers in with these lies.

Look to your own past with her? Mine is littered with her demonic exes and I mean terrible heinous things they "did", that I believed and swore "hey baby, I'll never let you down like they did". The truth of the matter is, my exBPD brought all these occurances on herself. She blames everyone around her for her problems and instead of turning the focus inwards just skips off to find a new "solution". The comfort for you, and really the only comfort, is that she will never find someone to fix it. You can't look to her for validation or even other BPDers, I imagine many while may show some sympathy will be siding with their ill friends. Misery loves company, birds of a feather flock together, they WANT enablers. So let them play with each other.

Hang here, with us, I have written a tome to my exBPD defending myself against accusations that are not only lies they are ridiculous and impossible. She blames me for things that happened even before I met her, its desperate and its symptomatic. These are not like us guy.

The longer you argue with someone with a mental illness, the longer you are going to be unwell and wasting your time when you could be meeting someone excellent! Think of it like this. Would you walk into a mental hospital and start a row with one of the inmates? Just because they are walking among us lying, cheating, bringing people down, living in a seperate reality doesn't mean they are fit and able.
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intodeep

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« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2010, 06:09:02 AM »

  Thank you for the helpful replies.  I've read that article a good few times, it pretty much sums it up.  The only reason I ventured over there (It's been four months since she left), was that I needed closure.  Here she's telling me she's making the ultimate sacrifice to be alone, for me, so we can both get our hit_ together, I am her soulmate, etc.  I begged her multiple times that if she value our friendship (forget relationship) at all to just be honest with me, I can handle it.  And as I confront her about certain details that don't add up, the story keeps changing.  I'm quite convinced now the truth will never be known.  I don't know if she even knows the truth.

Excerpt
Look to your own past with her? Mine is littered with her demonic exes and I mean terrible heinous things they "did", that I believed and swore "hey baby, I'll never let you down like they did". The truth of the matter is, my exBPD brought all these occurances on herself

That sums it up exactly.  How her last boyfriend was a monster, went to jail multiple times, beat her, and had destroyed her.  How her mother took off on her when she was 16, leaving her to fend for herself.  I am a person who feels more empathy for others than is probably healthy for me.  I felt if I could just show her enough love, compassion and understanding I could help her.

I haven't been pining over her, rather I've been trying to move on with my life.  I'm getting some interest back in my hobbies, and taking on some new hobbies and projects.  It's that she won't let go, keeps somehow dragging my emotions back into it.

I replied to her email "Please talk to me.  Please forgive me.  I loveyou and miss you.  You ARE my soulmate." tonight and told her it would be my last email to her.  I sent her a few links I thought might help her see some of the behaviours she is hiding behind, maybe face them head on.  After all, that is ultimately how one can rid themselves of BPD.

You are right, ultimately she is not my responsibility.  But it of course still pains me to see her in such a state.  I still can't help but think that if she could only just see... . Catch a glimpse of life on the other side, she'd have the goal to strive for.  As she certainly has the intelligence, strength and motivation, just using them for the wrong purposes.  It's not a selfish motivation as I've come to terms with it, but for her, and any of her future relationships.

In the time I have known her, she has successfully transformed from a low functioning type BPD to what I'd say high functioning.  No longer suicidal, no cutting, jumping out of moving cars, keeping a job, etc.  So she has made it that far in the past two year, I'm confident she can beat it, as long as she keeps trying.

I have some deep scars myself now, and just need to focus on recovery.  Many days are filled with hopelessness, but alot has happened in the last four months.  Quit the pain killers, quit smoking, started smoking, quit smoking, started smoking Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)...  Now quitting again... . Maybe with success this time now that I at least have some closure.

Now it's no contact to concentrate on.   I know this is going to be probably the toughest of all as she will likely resist it at all costs, but I've accomplished alot already, I just have to keep focus on my work and hobbies.

Cheers
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Fathom
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« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2010, 06:43:58 AM »

I just happened across your post and although I'm in the "staying group" I had to comment only to say that I know the sickening feeling in your gut when you discover the truth. It's surreal. I've been at this a long time too (15+ years) and the truth is that the pain doesn't go away in situations like this. It's important to remember that in the end it's BPD and you can not rationalize irrational behavior or make sense of senselessness. To me, that is the closest thing to closure you can get. Stay strong brother.

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Interestedparty
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« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2010, 08:15:19 AM »

I just happened across your post and although I'm in the "staying group" I had to comment only to say that I know the sickening feeling in your gut when you discover the truth. It's surreal. I've been at this a long time too (15+ years) and the truth is that the pain doesn't go away in situations like this. It's important to remember that in the end it's BPD and you can not rationalize irrational behavior or make sense of senselessness. To me, that is the closest thing to closure you can get. Stay strong brother.

Fathom, that was a valuable contribution and insight. Thanks.

We all struggle with that 'fact'.

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CVA
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« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2010, 08:30:54 AM »

Wow great post  thanks for sharing... I can indentify for sure except there was no cutting,, she wanted me to Disfigure her... .which was really twisted and dark, and gave me the creeps.
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Interestedparty
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« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2010, 08:41:13 AM »

I sent her a few links I thought might help her see some of the behaviours she is hiding behind, maybe face them head on.  After all, that is ultimately how one can rid themselves of BPD.

You are right, ultimately she is not my responsibility.  But it of course still pains me to see her in such a state.  I still can't help but think that if she could only just see... . Catch a glimpse of life on the other side, she'd have the goal to strive for.  As she certainly has the intelligence, strength and motivation, just using them for the wrong purposes.  It's not a selfish motivation as I've come to terms with it, but for her, and any of her future relationships.

No-matter what she is doing or not doing it is HER responsibility. You cannot save her. You should not try to rescue her. When she reaches that point, if she ever will, where she genuinely wants to seek help and is committed to it, she will search out all that she needs to. As you said, she is intelligent enough.

That is part of her growth experience. Don't take away that experience and disable her into not taking responsibility for her own mental health care and the process. It is more valuable for her to do it herself, if and when she is ready.

Excerpt
I have some deep scars myself now,

Naturally... .you've been through a lot. More than can be expressed on this board, I imagine.

Excerpt
and just need to focus on recovery.

 

Absolutely... .

Excerpt
Now it's no contact to concentrate on.   I know this is going to be probably the toughest of all as she will likely resist it at all costs, but I've accomplished alot already, I just have to keep focus on my work and hobbies.

Everything you said in the above paragraph is so right! It is NOT going to be easy but if you stick with it and keep the focus on taking care of yourself, enjoying yourself, discovering new things that you like, pampering yourself in small ways... .really works... .if you are committed to helping YOU, with the same energy you were committed to helping your xBPD.

With time and NC, a positive forward thinking attitude, positive people around you and getting yourself out there doing things... .you'll get emotionally where you want to be  x
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squaredots
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« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2010, 08:47:00 AM »

The longer you argue with someone with a mental illness, the longer you are going to be unwell and wasting your time when you could be meeting someone excellent! Think of it like this. Would you walk into a mental hospital and start a row with one of the inmates? Just because they are walking among us lying, cheating, bringing people down, living in a seperate reality doesn't mean they are fit and able.

That makes such sense! Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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Interestedparty
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« Reply #12 on: April 08, 2010, 09:08:37 AM »

The longer you argue with someone with a mental illness, the longer you are going to be unwell and wasting your time when you could be meeting someone excellent! Think of it like this. Would you walk into a mental hospital and start a row with one of the inmates? Just because they are walking among us lying, cheating, bringing people down, living in a seperate reality doesn't mean they are fit and able.

That makes such sense! Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Excellent point and way of putting it, Turtlesoup.

Worthy of being made into a fridge magnet!  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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hiddenlizard
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« Reply #13 on: April 08, 2010, 12:27:19 PM »



I am broken now.  To be honest I was prepared to spend the rest of my life alone before I ever met her.  I don't know why it's so hard to face it now. (intodeep)


My husband of 21 years had passed. Three years later I married the BPD in spite of my acceptance of certain solitude. I have to relearn the joy and freedom of being alone. I know I won't ever marry again but I would be open to a relationship once I can extinguish the "need" for one.

I told my Therapist I was broken. She smiled and said I could be fixed. I am working on it.
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« Reply #14 on: April 08, 2010, 12:44:42 PM »

I am broken now.  To be honest I was prepared to spend the rest of my life alone before I ever met her.  I don't know why it's so hard to face it now. (intodeep)


My husband of 21 years had passed. Three years later I married the BPD in spite of my acceptance of certain solitude. I have to relearn the joy and freedom of being alone. I know I won't ever marry again but I would be open to a relationship once I can extinguish the "need" for one.

I told my Therapist I was broken. She smiled and said I could be fixed. I am working on it.

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your first husband. I think a lot of people her (me included) feel like damaged goods and if I loose my wife over this BPD battle I know I will never remarry. I will become so centered around my children and myself that nobody would want me!  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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