Vacation basics

[krt]

When going on vacation with BPD basics to remember

1. Keep it short.

2. Think about what you will do to have fun.

3. Make the kids the focus.

4. Don't panic.

5. Pray

Does this sound fun to you? 

This is what I do and am doing right now. 

Other helpful hints?

[goldstar]

The ex always felt better when he got a good rage in at the beginning.

Also, made sure I studied the maps, because I was the navigator and if I messed up. oh boy.

Plus, plenty of time letting him do his own thing, whether it's fishing or windsurfing or whatever.

Have Fun!

[JustSaying]

Forgot one:

0.5. Select separate destinations.



My wife chose to ruin a dinner and a day in the middle of the vacation, and then felt fine after, while D and I were left with the memories of screaming, etc. Only hint I have is to make sure you have options for getting away at times you need to. An isolated island or a small ship would not be a good choice.

[krt]

That is funny because my kids baught us a GPS so the rage could not happen.  My uBPD yells at me because I can't program it fast enough and that it is wrong.  don't use it anymore.  Would love to have a moment to myself but uBPD follows me and hates the books I read or that my child and I go off and have fun.  If I preplan uBPd just complains about my choices and if I ask uBPD the answer is 'I am not going to go there"  My children hate vacation and that is sad.  I am not a fan either.  I dream of vacations other people take and think someday that will be and my kids.  Notice I do not dream of uBPD with us.

[havana]

1. Keep it short.

2. Think about what you will do to have fun.

3. Make the kids the focus.

4. Don't panic.

5. Pray

Vacations are horrible. 6. Leave pwBPD at home.

[krt]

Took some advice and took my child for the evening to a pool.  We had so much fun, so relaxing, met people and talked about kids and places to go.  No stress.  If this is what normal people and families do on vacation I want it.  3 hours was the best part of two days. 

[JustSaying]

How wonderful!

[goldstar]

Vacations are horrible. 6. Leave pwBPD at home.

krt - Glad you and your child had some Peace and Fun!

[TonyC]

there is no vacation... its just a change in venue...

[krt]

That is my problem, " No vacation just a change in venue"... .  How can I live that way, waiting for the next moment for my uBPD to go off.  Have been doing it so long already.  Thinking about how to do it for the rest of my life, which is what I am really looking at. Knowing that everything I do for my uBPD can not do any more than 'change the venue'. 

[fatheroftwo]

I'm sorry that I didn't know about this site a week ago.  We went away last Monday and returned Friday.  Of course I still didn't know she was BPD but she certainly raged a few times mostly at D's but it always came back to them not meeting her needs and her expectations.  In retrospect, kids will be kids and BPD's will be BPD's. 

[182RG]

How can I live that way, waiting for the next moment for my uBPD to go off.  Have been doing it so long already. 

You can't live that way... .in a healthy, normal way.

Vacations were some of the worst times with my xBPDw.  She would become severely dysregulated, especially during trips where we were in crowded places, like New York and Orlando.  It took her out of her element of control and comfort. 

[Bulgakov]

Our trips usually involved being around her parents. Her parents are a trigger for her. I think we all know the end of that story. I have had some great experiences on trips with her none the less, though they also left me nervous and drained. It leaves me craving trips by myself, for myself. Family vacations were a big part of my childhood. They hold a dear place in my heart which I do not want to fill with anxiety and stress. I prefer the less planned out vacations, which I handle much better on my own. Camping, chatting with locals, exploring, personal field work of sorts. I have sat for hours by myself just soaking in the experience. I don't consider my pwBPD incapable or exempt from this. But I don't think she would have the same understanding as me.

anyone else have these cravings to get out and explore independently? I mean, who doesn't? As for myself, even more so lately, I have wanted to just be out there by myself where I don't have to regulate for anyone. The people in my life up until this relationship have always been accepting of me being busy or doing my own thing. Even my own family when I am on vacation with them. I drove out in a rental car to meet them.