he found me so entertaining and was so fascinated with me.
Actually, you found yourself entertaining and fascinating because you were mirrored by a person with a personality disorder. He just pinpointed with accuracy what you wanted to feel about yourself- and he manipulated you into thinking that he was *the only one* who saw that and appreciated it. That's not true. Now that he's gone, you're left to think that you'll never find someone like that again. Also, not true.
There are so many difficult things when we try to heal from these traumatic relationships, but there is one that keeps showing up in posts, and that is: mirroring. Mirroring is a skill that's honed by people who have hidden agendas. Once you recognize the symptoms of PD mirroring, you'll stop yourself from being hooked into it.
We each assume (we don't even think about it, it seems so obvious) that we are unique and special, that they "loved" us because they saw in us our true personality, the caring, fun, sincere, amazing people that we are. They loved us because of who we are; we are unique, desirable, attractive, smart, funny, courageous, perhaps their soulmate and true love. Because we assume this, when they leave us and replace us so easily we are confused and traumatized.
For a long, long time we persist in believing that they really, truly "loved" us, and only us, and that they will eventually come back to us because we are the right one, the perfect mate for them, because they loved us for our special and unique qualities that they will never find in anyone else.
What is hard to accept is that this person we wait for has a personality disorder. Yes, they desired and wanted us, but they desired and wanted others too. We were not desired or "loved" because of our uniqueness or special qualities. We were just another bit player in the script. The next person that enters stage right thinks the same thing we thought.
This "stand-in" replacement believes that the bPD "loves" them because of their uniqueness. The next victim assumes that the bPD had a rotten relationship with us, that we were not a good match, and that the borderline discovered them and realized that they were a better match.
We are all "loved" in the sense that we are desired as objects that provided something for them. Cluster B people (the Histrionics, Narcissists and Borderlines) have a hidden script running underneath their emotional resonance table. They follow that script. All they need are bit parts (that's you and me) to fill up their stage. Once you realize what script is playing, you'll recognize the behaviors that come along with it and you'll see what part you are to play.
In the case of the Narcissist, the show is all about them. The bit players are there to witness a monologue and just fill the stage. Narcissists are highly in tune with the needs of other Narcissists, and will suffer through another Narcissists monologues because they expect the same consideration in return. The Senate floor is a good example of a pathological Narcissistic Space (PNS) IN other words, the Senate floor is a fine theatre stage. In that arena, there's allot of jostling for who gets the monologue. Believe me when I say, this is no different in a marriage with a Narcissist.
Although the Narcissist picks people who are each different from one another, and each person believes that they are being chosen because of their special, unique qualities, from the point of view of the Narcissist picking the bit players, you'll all do the job equally well if all you do is admire, adore and listen. (BTW, Borderlines know how to admire, adore and listen)
In the case of the Histrionic, the theatrical show is all about *proving* to others that the World revolves around them- so the bit players are there to listen to a soliloquy. A soliloquy is different from the Narcissist's monologue because the Histrionic relates every thought and feeling to him/herself and to an audience *without addressing* any of the other bit players. To a Histrionic, the World really does revolve around them- but only to provide drama and attention.
Although the Histrionic picks people who are each different from one another, and each person believes that they are being chosen because of their special, unique qualities, from the point of view of the Histrionic picking the bit players, you'll all do the job equally well if all you do is listen. (Most people find this taxing and isolating and fail to bond to the Histrionic.)
In the case of the Borderline, the theatrical show is hidden- except to the Borderline. The script is all about proving to hypercritical parents and *themselves* that they are good. The bit players are there as stand-ins for those very people who are criticizing on the tape that plays within. That critical inner tape could be a monologue from a Narcissistic parent or it could be a soliloquy from a Histrionic one. It could also have been a parent with their own hidden tape playing- which made it even more confounding to the child. Either way, the tape is an inner script that reflects punishment. Thoughts of persecution and annihilation are looping over and over again on a critical inner dialogue. (That's why it's called "Borderline" as it's said to be on the verge of a psychosis.) The Borderline has critical voices inside their head. Functionally and structurally all is intact on the outside.
So the stage is set and you are the stand-in for the parent. You are mirrored, mimicked and adhered to- in order to keep you on the stage in center spotlight with the Borderline. Every quality you love about yourself is lit with a spotlight. You are adored, admired and being led, much the same way as a Narcissist giving a monologue. You are now sharing center stage thinking that you are admired and "loved." But it's all a ruse. You soon find out that the qualities that got you there are now being twisted. You soon find out that to get you where they want (center stage) they had to lure you- but you're not playing you anymore- you're playing their parent. They needed you as a stand-in so they can re-work the drama and blame you for everything that's happened in the past.
So frustrating how "alone" they can really leave us, center stage and in their spotlight.
:)on't let it fool you. This wasn't about you. It was about them. Let them have their blame. Let them have their psychosis. It's not yours. You will get better. Eventually you'll see how this happened, and you'll recover. Take your time. Be kind to yourself. These are highly toxic people even in very small doses regardless of their label.
(In the words of poster named Alamobelle:)
I hope you were able to resist the impulse
you will never get what you want and need
from a Borderline -
its not there to give.
Trust that
This is a battle for sanity
and one of you
will lose theirs -
please don't let it be you.
When you eliminate the wingnuts
it makes a space for kind nurturing people
to enter - make the space
for real love and kindness
to come into your life
it does exist ... .really 
