Letting it go...

[Mystic]

I feel like I've learned so much these past few months.  Things I never wanted to learn, believe me, but perhaps things I needed to learn.  Gotta wonder about that... .sure would have been nice if the wonderful part was for real and we just got to build the lovely life we'd planned instead of it all being some sadistic illusion.  

Annnnnyway... .

I'm going to continue to give time to my recovery.  I want to learn as much as I can about myself, my own inner spirit and issues, and about the snares that exist out there in relationships as I can.  No more wandering around in a minefield for me, I can't do another trainwreck relationship.  

But I am going to cut back the time I'm willing to give to this.  The past few months since the breakup it's been quite consuming.  Understandably so, the relationship and breakup were quite devastating, costing me in many ways.  Thankfully I do have the support of my family and friends who have been completely aghast at his behavior.  

It as been consuming.  It's cost me financially, cost me in job search time, cost me emotionally, in manners concerning my health.  

It will take no more from me.  From now on only the plus column will see any activity.  

As for the plus column... .

I've become much more deeply spiritually connected both at home and with my church.

I've learned a great deal about myself.  

I've strengthened bonds with my family and friends.

I've reevaluated my outlook on relationships.  I am listing my wants, deciding what's acceptable and unacceptable.  I will be very discerning from here on in... .refusing to accept anything but the best when it comes to character and temperament.

I'm continuing my education and my credentials are excellent.

And above all I've resolved to come through this shining, to succeed and surpass everything I can in spite of him.  

If there is to be any resolution or closure it will come through my own success.  That will be my victory over such a painful and ugly defeat.  

So... .not quite so much time for analysis anymore... .and plenty of time and energy into recovery and growth.

He will take no more from me.  He is nothing now.  

[2010]

Excellent post!