well dear friends...there is so much to tell so I will start at the beginning. I may not get it all done tonight but I will give it a shot!
sunday, december the 19th. husband is ill. went to the 24 hour clinic for meds to help. caught our flight ok. had problems at the rental car center as they had us picking up car at 10 am and listed us as a no show...wanted to charge us about 25 a day more than the agreement so we went elsewhere...found a nice young man at Budget rentacar that gave us a great deal plus a free upgrade...it was raining in vegas when we landed so we had a long drive in the rain up to utah. we didn't get to see BPDd-13 sing in the chorus of Messiah. the residential treatment center called just as we arrived at our hotel room to see if we were ok as BPDd-13 was expecting to get to stay with us at the hotel that night. told them to go ahead and put her to bed and we would see her in the morning at 8 for breakfast.
monday 20th.
arrived at falcon ridge at 8 for breakfast. BPDd-13 so glad to see us ... asked me to "call next time if you aren't going to be able to be here when you said you were". assured her I would and also apologized for not making the concert...told her also that I had told the case manager we would do our best to get there but it would be close...somehow the message got miscommunicated...or maybe BPDd-13 was just overly hopeful...anyway...it was ok. after breakfast we had family Positive Peer Culture with nale and all the other girls and their families that were there for the weekend. I was so proud of my BPDd-13 as she was able to explain to the newer parents who have not had much time working with nale or Positive Peer Culture how the whole process works. one family was "awarded the meeting" which means that all the others present would give them feedback on their particular family situation. at the end of the meeting several people told me "you and your daughter could have run the meeting". that really gives me the confidence that when my BPDd-13 comes home we can really make a go of starting a Positive Peer Culture group here.
we had an hour free before lunch was being served so my BPDd-13 played a game of chess with another students dad. she did very well against this 50 something Englishman. after lunch parents went to a class on "the cycle of anger" with the clinical director/equine therapist.
we were only able to stay for one of the two hours of this class because we had individual family therapy with lorneta...my BPDd-13's t. in this session we talked about mazlows hierarchy of needs. we received our assignments once more that were to be done during the home visit.: BPDd-13=close facebook account and delete all emails., give mom and dad the password to the computer, read "anatomy of peace" if you want to apply for trans when you get back. all of us: journal daily, make a paper chain with positive memories or attributes about BPDd-13 on each link, say the cleansing prayers in BPDd-13's rooms. we also received a worksheet to do on thinking errors.
BPDd-13 had to go get ready for the graduation program. she did not want to wear a dress! husband and I sat at a table up front and BPDd-13 sat on the front of 2 rows of chairs for the girls performing. there were 2 girls graduating from high school and one girl graduating from the program...she had been there for 14 months...wow! that's a fortune if mom and dad paid out of their pockets...they sang some Christmas songs. the last musical number was "wind beneath my wings". BPDd-13 looked me straight in the eye while she sang that song...i was a blubbering mess! :'( at the end I signaled to her 'my heart is yours' and she told me "i love you" with silent lips...still standing in the line of girls across the room from me...i will never ever forget this precious 2 minutes. I would walk to the ends of the earth to experience it again! after the program was over we had a nice dinner there and the girls were given gifts. one of them was a book of poetry and writings by the girls. here is one of the poems my BPDd-13 wrote back in november:
My Forest
my wicked forest will turn you away
even if it seems like it begs you to stay
at the top of the trees there's a fighting wind
like a sword of steel it won't break or bend
a lifeless river flows around it all
to protect my forest so it will never fall
the stones of ash are solid and rough
they make my forest look scary and tough
but inside of it...hidden away
is a sweet little girl who is very afraid
with the help of my friends and those who are close
the ones I push away will help me the most
so i'll tear it apart, by root and vine
this wicked forest is no longer mine.
we left the ranch and went back to our hotel. husband was tired as it was about 9pm by now and he went to sleep. BPDd-13 and I laughed and talked...took video of husband snoring, snuck down the hallway to get snacks and she was still having trouble getting sleepy. I started reading "BPD in Adolescents" by blaise aguirre and she asked me what I was reading. I told her the name of the book and she said "read me some of what BPD is". so I read some of the descriptions of how teens experience BPD. she said "that sounds just like me". I also told her that since she is so young technically she is dx w/ BPD traits...not the full blown disorder even though there are times in the past that she behaved like she did. throughout the entire day and night it never stopped raining. ;p
tuesday 21st.
we gave a lift up the mountain to another "new" mom who had not rented a car. BPDd-13 has her d as a room mate at falcon and reassured her mom that she is doing well and working hard. we arrived at a few minutes after 8 and had a lite breakfast and headed over to our academic meeting w/BPDd-13's teachers. just as we came down the hall the case manager came out of her office and told us the call to evacuate had come in and we needed to get BPDd-13 and leave the ranch...no meeting w/clinical director about finances, no power point presentation on nuero feedback therapy, no academic meeting to discuss an iep...just out! so we did! we headed back down to hurricane and went to walmart to get BPDd-13 some cold sore medicine..then we went to a resteraunt and had a little more breakfast. we went back to the hotel where husband rested and BPDd-13 and I watched a movie. we met up with another family who had rented a house and their d is bffs w/my BPDd-13. we had pizza at their rental home and the girls sang and danced to cd's. BPDd-13 invited their d back to our hotel to swim in the indoor heated pool. after the girls swam about and hour BPDd-13 showered and wanted to go do something...go shopping or something. we went back to walmart and planned to get subway there for dinner as well. just as BPDd-13 was coming out of the dressing room the entire town of hurricane utah went black! the emergency lighting came on after just a few seconds and of course the registers still worked!
subway could not sell anything though so we left with only chips. husband wanted to find somewhere else to eat but the whole town lost power and BPDd-13 was telling him "i don't feel good about this. let's just go back to the hotel please". so he did. at the hotel the only light was the headlights of cars coming through the open window. all 3 of us layed in the same bed eating chips and laughing and talking until the power came back on about an hour and a half later.
maybe i'm a little shell shocked...but I think i'm going to hit post so I don't lose all this. i'll begin another shortly...to be continued...
lbjnltx
