Letter to my exgf

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Do not worry. This is never going to be sent. I just need to get some stuff out today on here.

C,

Dammit. 4 and a half months.

The lies really hurt more than anything. The cheating. I know you cheated. Lie all you want. I know. I saw the picture of you and your married boss together. I saw the other pictures you took with the camera I gave you a few years ago for XMas. That just put salt in the wound. You really have no respect for anything. For anyone. Not even yourself. I can only imagine what you did with him at work every day. Did you flirt with him on some days? Rub up against him in his office when no one was around? Drop sexual innuendo like you did with me? Steal a kiss or more? Give him a blowjob in his office with the door locked? Go up to a room in the hotel where you two worked? Or was all of that saved for when he came over your house at night with a bottle of Moet? Or all of the above?

Nothing can surprise me anymore with you.

Remember how you triangulated us when we were first together? We could see other people. You reveled in the competition between us. He was just your on again/off again rich bf, not your boss of course. I did not realize that fully until I found out the truth five years later. Wow. A lot of lies on your part. A lot of stories, excuses and covering up. I know you ran to him when you were lonely or wanted something. I know you cheated on me.

And then we went exclusive. What a fun first Valentine's Day it was for us, huh? You were flirting for two months with some guy on myspace. More like cybersex. You would send me a good morning handsome email and one to him that sounded the same. You even said the same things to both of us. You had to have more attention, didn't you? No one person was enough. And he tried to blackmail you, sent me the emails. How nice, huh? You were really sorry then, weren't you? Only sorry you got caught.

And then the issue with your claiming you were violated and drugged by that one old photographer. Yeah. I am sure. I think you were just drinking way too much and things go out of hand. How surprising. It was not until you said you were thinking of hurting  yourself I even considered taking you back. Wow. I really needed you, didn't I? Emotional blackmail.

Those lovely one night stands when we could see others. The flirting online. The boss who was always there for you "to lean on." Who knows who else you were with. What do I not know? You are so screwed up. Just constantly filling those emotional holes with anything you can. Sex, traded for attachment and security. To feel good for a little while. The modeling. The message boards. Me emailing you every day. Etc. etc. Never enough for you.

You were so fake. So plastic. So screwed up. And you screwed me up. But, I won't stay screwed up for long. I am getting better each day. I am forgetting you. I am purging myself of you and your lies. You will have yourself for the rest of your life. And you'll be alone one day as you always predicted.

A

[ArtistGuy70]

Do not worry. This is never going to be sent. I just need to get some stuff out today on here.

C,

Dammit. 4 and a half months.

The lies really hurt more than anything. The cheating. I know you cheated. Lie all you want. I know. I saw the picture of you and your married boss together. I saw the other pictures you took with the camera I gave you a few years ago for XMas. That just put salt in the wound. You really have no respect for anything. For anyone. Not even yourself. I can only imagine what you did with him at work every day. Did you flirt with him on some days? Rub up against him in his office when no one was around? Drop sexual innuendo like you did with me? Steal a kiss or more? Give him a blowjob in his office with the door locked? Go up to a room in the hotel where you two worked? Or was all of that saved for when he came over your house at night with a bottle of Moet? Or all of the above?

Nothing can surprise me anymore with you.

Remember how you triangulated us when we were first together? We could see other people. You reveled in the competition between us. He was just your on again/off again rich bf, not your boss of course. I did not realize that fully until I found out the truth five years later. Wow. A lot of lies on your part. A lot of stories, excuses and covering up. I know you ran to him when you were lonely or wanted something. I know you cheated on me.

And then we went exclusive. What a fun first Valentine's Day it was for us, huh? You were flirting for two months with some guy on myspace. More like cybersex. You would send me a good morning handsome email and one to him that sounded the same. You even said the same things to both of us. You had to have more attention, didn't you? No one person was enough. And he tried to blackmail you, sent me the emails. How nice, huh? You were really sorry then, weren't you? Only sorry you got caught.

And then the issue with your claiming you were violated and drugged by that one old photographer. Yeah. I am sure. I think you were just drinking way too much and things go out of hand. How surprising. It was not until you said you were thinking of hurting  yourself I even considered taking you back. Wow. I really needed you, didn't I? Emotional blackmail.

Those lovely one night stands when we could see others. The flirting online. The boss who was always there for you "to lean on." Who knows who else you were with. What do I not know? You are so screwed up. Just constantly filling those emotional holes with anything you can. Sex, traded for attachment and security. To feel good for a little while. The modeling. The message boards. Me emailing you every day. Etc. etc. Never enough for you.

You were so fake. So plastic. So screwed up. And you screwed me up. But, I won't stay screwed up for long. I am getting better each day. I am forgetting you. I am purging myself of you and your lies. You will have yourself for the rest of your life. And you'll be alone one day as you always predicted.

A

[2010]

 

[JL]

I guess there's going to be some good days,and some bad days.Today was a bad one.

I was lying there thinking of her,the good times we shared,and the bad ones.We had broken up a couple times in the past,but not this way.Before it was on a good basis,and agreed we would stay friends.I promised her,even though we were broken up,that I would always be there for her.But every single time we saw each other as"just friends"it was too hard for us to control,the physical chemistry was stronger than both of us.My heart would pound just at the thought of her.

But I never thought for a second that she would ever cheat and lie to me,now everything has changed.Laying there it dawned on me,felt like a huge weight on my chest,thinking omg,I'm never going to see her again,as I shouldn't.I just never imagined her being out of my life.

[ArtistGuy70]

I hear you.

I was put on this pedestal.

I was adored. Loved. She said she was addicted to me.

Then I was pushed off. Not rewarding. Painted black. Done.

[ReclaimedLife]

ArtistGuy,

   With very little change I could be sending that letter to my BPD/NPD ex-wife. We once were on a vacation and out of the blue she tells me, "my boss may have to move to another town." WTF? Why was he even on her mind? Then, conveniently, just a few months later she was asked to spend at least one week a month in that town for her "career." No promotion, no difference in pay, just "Kudos."

I of course had the gut feelings, and the questions, the denials, followed by multiple lies that didn't add up, then finally admission that they went out drinking alone together, and to his apartment and her hotelroom, (in which she always requested a jacuzzi tub for "her back" BUT- she always denied ever having sex with him.

Anyway, sorry to ramble, but I will tell you that I rode that rollercoaster for 18 years, went NC last February, divorced in Sept, and have been improving each passing day. Understanding this disorder has helped me tremendously. Do I ruminate at times? Yes, but all I recall are the bad memories, because I know that each "good time" was all part of her manipulation. The Valuation/Devaluation, and I know that she has moved on to multiple new victims now. I am so glad not to be one of them anymore. She has her looks, her skills and her f'd-up head, but as a friend told me; "Only one of those things will be with her for life!" -So true. While we have our brains back, we are arming ourselves with the tools to never let this happen to us again!

I know it's tough when there is no closure, but we can create our own closure in knowing what the real problem was... .THEM.

Good Luck to you, DON'T SEND THE LETTER, it would only give her satisfaction that you are still on her mind!

[ArtistGuy70]

ArtistGuy,

   With very little change I could be sending that letter to my BPD/NPD ex-wife. We once were on a vacation and out of the blue she tells me, "my boss may have to move to another town." WTH? Why was he even on her mind? Then, conveniently, just a few months later she was asked to spend at least one week a month in that town for her "career." No promotion, no difference in pay, just "Kudos."

I of course had the gut feelings, and the questions, the denials, followed by multiple lies that didn't add up, then finally admission that they went out drinking alone together, and to his apartment and her hotelroom, (in which she always requested a jacuzzi tub for "her back" BUT- she always denied ever having sex with him.

Anyway, sorry to ramble, but I will tell you that I rode that rollercoaster for 18 years, went NC last February, divorced in Sept, and have been improving each passing day. Understanding this disorder has helped me tremendously. Do I ruminate at times? Yes, but all I recall are the bad memories, because I know that each "good time" was all part of her manipulation. The Valuation/Devaluation, and I know that she has moved on to multiple new victims now. I am so glad not to be one of them anymore. She has her looks, her skills and her f'd-up head, but as a friend told me; "Only one of those things will be with her for life!" -So true. While we have our brains back, we are arming ourselves with the tools to never let this happen to us again!

I know it's tough when there is no closure, but we can create our own closure in knowing what the real problem was... .THEM.

Good Luck to you, DON'T SEND THE LETTER, it would only give her satisfaction that you are still on her mind!

I feel for you, friend. Don't worry, it won't be sent.

She is a really screwed up person. To go through life using people is just so alien to me. To cheat, lie and betray the person you supposedly love is so mind blowing to me. 5 years of lies. 5 years of manipulations. I could NEVER attend the XMas party at her work... .I was left out of a family dinner there... .hmmmm I wonder why. When I confronted her I was met with guilt, anger, excuses, lies.

It was like she led a double life and was fine with it. No guilt. No remorse. No admitting any wrong doing.

[ReclaimedLife]

I can remember a Valentines weekend where she and I went to the town that she worked in, and I too was "not allowed" to go into the office with her, as well as other company functions. It is a little crazy what we find ourselves putting up with, or how we allow our boundaries to diminish. Let's just be happy that we aren't in that place anymore and trying to make sense of the non-sensical!

[innerspirit]

Hi AG --    for writing this.  I think it gets to the point that expressing the thoughts, releasing that energy replaces the need to convince the X.  It's like finding a different kind of peace, redefining the process of closure.

Even if your X never hears you, never gets it, we're listening here.

Good job -- and a good example to those here with stuffed-down feelings yet to be voiced.

Thanks, friend.

x

[RedDevil66]

Artist, I am always glued to your posts. Our stories are so much alike, it's eerie!

My ex is a male version of your ex. I too cannot understand how people live their lives in lies, cheating, manipulation and using others.

To be so fake is so strange to me

My ex lied to me for 5 yrs too. I was so niave in believing him and like a moth to a flame, I still bite when I think he's trying!

For months I wanted to send a letter as well, but I was told by people in AL Anon, it will just feed his HUGE ego and he will take SUCH satisfaction in my pain. He's always taken peace in my pain.

Here is a quote from my quote of the day. It's PERFECT timing.

“One therapist told me, ‘Brad, you have a choice. You can begin to love yourself today or you can die from all this.’” - Brad Lamm


We need to get through this... .my pain is so great today because I replied to his contact and fell into his sick trap again.

Day one for me and I can now promise, I will never EVER speak to this robot again!

[WoundedButWiser]

Well done -- everyone on this board should write one too.  BUT IT IS NOT TO BE SENT!  Just write it for yourself... .this is a big part of the healing process.

Hang in there

[innerspirit]

Well done -- everyone on this board should write one too.  BUT IT IS NOT TO BE SENT!  Just write it for yourself... .this is a big part of the healing process.

Hang in there

You know what has worked for me (several times so far... .)? 

Write the letter, seal it in an envelope, put a stamp on it.

Do everything like a normal letter but without an address or return address on it.

Then walk it to the mailbox and drop it in.  So it "feels" like the real thing.

[ArtistGuy70]

Artist, I am always glued to your posts. Our stories are so much alike, it's eerie!

My ex is a male version of your ex. I too cannot understand how people live their lives in lies, cheating, manipulation and using others.

To be so fake is so strange to me

My ex lied to me for 5 yrs too. I was so niave in believing him and like a moth to a flame, I still bite when I think he's trying!

For months I wanted to send a letter as well, but I was told by people in AL Anon, it will just feed his HUGE ego and he will take SUCH satisfaction in my pain. He's always taken peace in my pain.

Here is a quote from my quote of the day. It's PERFECT timing.

“One therapist told me, ‘Brad, you have a choice. You can begin to love yourself today or you can die from all this.’” - Brad Lamm


We need to get through this... .my pain is so great today because I replied to his contact and fell into his sick trap again.

Day one for me and I can now promise, I will never EVER speak to this robot again!

Sorry, Red. Stay strong. Day one is here. Make it to day two. One day at a time. I have had NC since 9-11 and I do not intend to start again.

Think about this. Why respond to them? Why contact them?

1. We could never trust them again

2. They would go back to that behavior

3. This is a game to them - they just want to FEEL needed and wanted

4. It will only damage us

The BIGGEST revenge we could get is to ignore them... .show indifference. Move on with our lives. Trust me, they would hate that. They want to be pined for. They want to be remembered and sought after. Mine, who was a model for a lot of my art prints, is being replaced one at a time. Soon she will just vanish all together.

[ArtistGuy70]

Hi AG --    for writing this.  I think it gets to the point that expressing the thoughts, releasing that energy replaces the need to convince the X.  It's like finding a different kind of peace, redefining the process of closure.

Even if your X never hears you, never gets it, we're listening here.

Good job -- and a good example to those here with stuffed-down feelings yet to be voiced.

Thanks, friend.

x

This site and all of you are a Godsend.

[innerspirit]

She was a statue of a Greek Goddess

One day she crumbled

All that was left was a broken, hurt, angry little girl hissing at me and giving me the finger.

I wonder if that's what the Venus de Milo's hands were doing!  (Was she censored?)

[Travis]

I hear you.

I was put on this pedestal.

I was adored. Loved. She said she was addicted to me.

Then I was pushed off. Not rewarding. Painted black. Done.

Me too.  All of the above except several times duing our three and a half year r/s.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  Ihave no proof, but I am sure she has someone else to idolize but I know she is going to freak when she gets the divorce papers.  I am not looking forward to that conversation.

Hang in there stay strong and realize it is her illness that made her treat you that way not anything lacking in you.  At least you didn't marry her.  I did, knowing something was wrong but not what it was.  When she told me the security of marriage would fix things I chose to believe it  Now how sick is that?

[RedDevil66]

Artist, I am always glued to your posts. Our stories are so much alike, it's eerie!

My ex is a male version of your ex. I too cannot understand how people live their lives in lies, cheating, manipulation and using others.

To be so fake is so strange to me

My ex lied to me for 5 yrs too. I was so niave in believing him and like a moth to a flame, I still bite when I think he's trying!

For months I wanted to send a letter as well, but I was told by people in AL Anon, it will just feed his HUGE ego and he will take SUCH satisfaction in my pain. He's always taken peace in my pain.

Here is a quote from my quote of the day. It's PERFECT timing.

“One therapist told me, ‘Brad, you have a choice. You can begin to love yourself today or you can die from all this.’” - Brad Lamm


We need to get through this... .my pain is so great today because I replied to his contact and fell into his sick trap again.

Day one for me and I can now promise, I will never EVER speak to this robot again!

Sorry, Red. Stay strong. Day one is here. Make it to day two. One day at a time. I have had NC since 9-11 and I do not intend to start again.

Think about this. Why respond to them? Why contact them?

1. We could never trust them again

2. They would go back to that behavior

3. This is a game to them - they just want to FEEL needed and wanted

4. It will only damage us

The BIGGEST revenge we could get is to ignore them... .show indifference. Move on with our lives. Trust me, they would hate that. They want to be pined for. They want to be remembered and sought after. Mine, who was a model for a lot of my art prints, is being replaced one at a time. Soon she will just vanish all together.

You're so right! I never want this crazy back in my life and in fact, I don't even love him. It's more about my ego now and some game I'm playing to see if he will validate me in some way! Which he never will!

And so true, the best revenge is indifference.

When I stopped ALL contact with him for a month and ignored his emails, he went nuts! I didn't even send him a bday email and he said "I let you go after you did that, but since forgave you"

HAHAH, yeah ok idiot!

My closest friend is a therapist (not my therapist of course) and she told me everyone who's been abused goes back because they have been brainwashed and cannot determine reality from lies anymore.

One of her clients found out her husband is a pedophile and she called the cops. He was arrested and she contiuned to see him even after. This man now has a new girlfriend and he wife is so devastated, she cannot function.

My friend said "very common actions from an abused person"

It's not how smart you are, how much you have or how great your life is, it's all about how much we trust and want to believe in others.

We just need to realize, some people are just NO GOOD!