Did your BPD ever "smile" when they did something to hurt you?

[maxen]

holy moly some of the stories on this thread.

i saw that smile very early on. yet another day/week/month when she simply would not do anything as a housemate. i lost my patience bigtime, and the she was in her element, prolonging the argument. at one point she said with a grin "well you certainly are expressing yourself now!"

[ShadowDancer]

Twas Christmas Eve. She appeared unusually dressed with meticulous make up for so early in the morning. She announced she was going to her daughters house to "house sit" because they were out of town for the holiday.

I incredulously watched her walk out of the house swinging her ass hyper provocatively.

As she was backing out of the driveway I walked out and stepped up to her vehicle. She rolled down the window. I asked, "are you seeing someone else"? She said, "if I was you wouldn't know". And she gave me that Cheshire grin and drove away.

When she returned three days later she was served with a thirty day eviction notice. I never touched her physically again and rejected all her usual tearful advances. I did not discuss or explain my reasons. I paid first and last months rent on a cottage for her without her knowledge.

At the end of thirty days of no activity on her part, without announcement, I had a moving company appear and all of her possessions were packed and loaded when she arrived from wherever she was that day. I informed her of her new address and gave her the keys and took back mine. She had a hurt little girl look on her face. I turned and walked away.

Although I will never forget it, I never saw that evil Cheshire grin again.



 

 

[bruisedbattered]

all the horror stories, wow!  im so glad to hear im not the only one, and not insane!    Ive seen the evil grin come out when she would deliberately try to make me jealous... .   im so glad to be done with all that bs!   I AM FREE!

[alliance]

Ok this thread made me spew coffee. I always see these things exactly when I need to. It's freaky.

My ex had that "Clarice" smile. It was freakin weird. It usually came when she would ask me something totally out of the blue, that was designed to bait me. I think.

Weird thing is, I have been feeling my ex and this sense of foreboding the past couple of weeks after not feeling her for a long time. The feeling came with seeing that smile on her face in my minds eye.  I had to imagine bopping her in the nose until it would fade away.

Every time I think maybe she didn't have BPD, weird little stuff arises to remind me my perceptions were spot on.

[love4meNOTu]

yup... my stomach is in knots reading this thread.

My x husband (of two whole months who is now engaged and living with another woman) backed me up into the counter in my kitchen. He was screaming at me and I was cowering in terror trying to get away.

I screamed this wierd little ahhh ahh scream... .pure terror... and he smiled. This crazy arse smile that made a chill go up the back of my spine. I realized at that moment, he knew I was afraid of him, and he liked it.

Ugh. So disgusting.

[boatman]

My most recent exBPDgf would either smile or look at me with a completely apathetic blank face while I would be crying desperately, telling her she was hurting me. She smiled at me as I cried when she said she wanted to break evening plans with me to go drinking with another guy, and when she was texting with a guy that wanted to sleep with her. She was doing that while I was cooking dinner for us. I still have urges to break NC with her, but when I do I try to remember her evil smile and her blank face of apathy.

[Traumatized]

Mine eerily smiled the night she threatened my life.  Then she glided around the room humming to herself like she didn't have a care in the world.  It was straight out of a horror movie.

She'd also smile while introducing me to others as a "liar, backstabber and thief."

[BPSurvivor7588]

Yes! His eyes would get empty and he would have smirk and look of accomplishment. The day we broke up for good. He had another girl spend the night in OUR house while I was house sitting for a relative. She and I were yelling at each other in the front yard, classy I know. And he was standing on the porch... .watching his masterpiece. I will never forget that look. I moved out the next day.

[Lady31]

In another post I mentioned something about how some of us nons have such a hard time seeing the possibility that some of these evil things they do are on purpose and calculated.  That we sometimes blame some of this on an "illness" because we simply can't believe they KNOW and CAN CONTROL what they are doing.  I made the comment that some could be dating sociopaths and not even realize it.  A moderator (?) commented asking me if I saw what I was saying (how I could not when I wrote it is beyond me) and to keep it to BPD.  I did not respond.

BUT this thread and these types of dangers is EXACTLY WHY I made that comment.

Mary87 - you asked if this is a BPD trait.  IMO NO!  Well, not ALL the examples here are a BPD trait.

Some of these behaviors are evidence of psychopathic traits or sociopath (word I used in other thread I believe.)  Anyway - BPD is obviously not the same thing.  VERY important I think to be able to tell the difference to better gauge the DANGER RISK.

Some of these situations sound very dangerous and beyond BPD to me.

[RecycledNoMore]

Hed spit in my face, and then walk away laughing.

[charred]

Mine did... in fact she smiled and caught herself when she heard my daughter had broke a bone... it was a turning point for me, taking glee in a child being hurt... horrible. Each time she was painting me black I could expect the whole evil Chesire cat grin thing and lots of very bad behavior.

Noticed lots of what is called "duping delight" as well, she would do something and be amused happy about terrible stuff. My NPD dad was same way only much worse. He was responsible for my grandmother's death... was at her funeral at last viewing and smiled at me like he was happy. (I had already broke all ties with him. Rest of the family caught it all, and followed suit.) Life is to short to keep evil people in it.

[ShadowDancer]

In another post I mentioned something about how some of us nons have such a hard time seeing the possibility that some of these evil things they do are on purpose and calculated.  That we sometimes blame some of this on an "illness" because we simply can't believe they KNOW and CAN CONTROL what they are doing.  I made the comment that some could be dating sociopaths and not even realize it.  A moderator (?) commented asking me if I saw what I was saying (how I could not when I wrote it is beyond me) and to keep it to BPD.  I did not respond.

BUT this thread and these types of dangers is EXACTLY WHY I made that comment.

Mary87 - you asked if this is a BPD trait.  IMO NO!  Well, not ALL the examples here are a BPD trait.

Some of these behaviors are evidence of psychopathic traits or sociopath (word I used in other thread I believe.)  Anyway - BPD is obviously not the same thing.  VERY important I think to be able to tell the difference to better gauge the DANGER RISK.

Some of these situations sound very dangerous and beyond BPD to me.

I have to agree with this observation. I do believe the moderators are sensitive to straying out of strict BPD descriptions and experiences because under certain conditions the conversation or comments can get, how shall I say?, Out of hand? It is a complicated illness.

Once we go into realms of personality disorders outside of "average" emotions and experiences of the victims (myself) the forum can become volatile and control of the thread is difficult as we attempt to articulate what we have seen beyond the "usual" manifestations of the disorder spectrum. I believe the moderators mean well in attempting to control boundaries and coherent discussion given the differing experiences of the members.

From my studies my over the past year the Personality Disorder spectrum can and does include a whole range of social and personal malfunctions. I cannot in honesty say the person I was involved suffered with Borderline Personality Disorder in the strictest sense, for in truth that is a rare occurrence. I have concluded the person I once knew was afflicted with Histrionic Personality with a heavy overtone of Antisocial traits and habits and morals. Indeed truly dangerous. With the injury of my little dog during the robbery of my home and the fact my elderly mother was alone on the property during this highly criminal act, the situation could have easily escalated to something of horrifyingly dire consequences. I was actually lucky. It could have easily been much much worse. My therapist pointed this out.

For this reason I do not overly discuss the mechanics of what happened then, or much of my interpretations of her malfunction and try to focus on my life now and what we here do have in common. For me this is all about OUR healing. This is about here and now. This is about us. This is about understanding and compassion for ourselves the victims, and them the afflicted to the best of our abilities. We are all in different places searching for the same healing.

Furthermore online resources are not inclusive of the variations of the disorder spectrum, as in I have not located a discussion site for survivors of Histrionic PD or Anti Social disorder per say and therefore have to use what resources that I can find. This site is one of the best going as I have been on others that were completely out of control and not much healing was going on. Lots of venting and lots of ranting and power struggles, and the offerings and selling of "private" services, but very few workable solutions were being formulated for the understanding of and workable conclusions of our dilemma in common. I am of the opinion healing has to be an honest and disciplined guided effort and not a continuous or contentious free for all of ranting and aimless raving. That is my actual observation.

Whatever descriptive "box" the disordered fit in, what ever their injury, the thing I must remember in MY healing is that I am the survivor and they are the sufferer... .regardless of how terrible and horrid their acts. In the end I volunteered to witness the unthinkable, and it changed my life. For the better or the worse? That remains to be seen. It depends on how we conduct ourselves now and I do believe the moderators are sensitive to that. It is unrealistic to think they are going to make the perfect call in each and every situation. After all the are the same as us, just survivors.

[OTH]

In another post I mentioned something about how some of us nons have such a hard time seeing the possibility that some of these evil things they do are on purpose and calculated.  That we sometimes blame some of this on an "illness" because we simply can't believe they KNOW and CAN CONTROL what they are doing.

You can never be sure what goes on in someone Else's head. You can be sure of the way they are treating you and the way they make you feel. The better question might be why does it matter? Why does someone Else's illness come before your own personal safety and happiness? You show somebody their behavior is bad and uncalled for by putting up boundaries to protect yourself. Rather than trying to help somebody that may not want to be helped (at the expense of yourself) isn't it more helpful to show that person that there behavior is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate it? Not only do you get to protect your own safety and happiness you get to teach those you are in a relationship with what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. If they can not accept or begin to make positive change towards that then you are not in a healthy relationship and it is time to step back.

[BPSurvivor7588]

I got the same thing, its amazing how the only time i think they felt joy was that smile, so deep and evil... .[/quote]
Its a relief to see I am not the only one to use that word. There were so many occasions that his eyes would go empty... .there is no better fitting word than evil.