I think that this approach is fundamentaly flawed
Because couples counseling is based on the premise that both individuals are willing to discuss the issues and that both are willing to make changes.
When one person has BPD though, they aren't able to accept any blame. They aren't able to do any self evaluation.
They don't have the skills to be compassionate or offer empathy, since they are so often in self defense mode that they can't take their eyes off their own internal pain. When a MC tries to work on communication skills, which they believe to be at the root of the couples problems, they miss the elephant in the room -
the BPD sufferer's inability to accept any blame or responsibility. If the pwBPD can't see the need for change or accept their part in things, then how will change occur? It won't. It can't.
Why marriage counseling so often fails with BPD sufferersHave a read through the comment made by Randi Kreger regarding higher functioning pwBPD:
1. They strongly disavow having any problems, even tiny ones. Relationship difficulties, they say, are everyone else’s fault. If family members suggest they may have BPD, they almost always accuse the other person of having it instead.
2. They refuse to seek help unless someone threatens to end the relationship. If they do go to counseling, they usually don’t intend to work on their own issues. In couples therapy, their goal is often to convince the therapist that they are being victimized.
3. They cope with their pain by raging outward, blaming and accusing family members for real or imagined problems.
4. They hide their low self-¬esteem behind a brash, confident pose that masks their inner turmoil. They usually function quite well at work and only display aggressive behavior toward those close to them. Family members say these people bring to mind Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
5. If they also have other mental disorders, they’re ones that also allow for high functioning, such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Workshop - BPD: What is it? How can I tell?