I am very interested in any thoughts on how our sex life evolved (devolved).
I am a 45 yr old woman with a healthy sex drive. It was something we did talk about it the first couple of months, that we both thought sex was a priority, that it was important, and that we both liked it very regularly. He even joked that if it wasn't good, would I be with him and I joked "no", but we both knew that it was something we both needed.
He told me that in his marriage that he was just in it for himself. That he didnt try to do anything for her.
In the beginning it was very hot, very balanced, very good. Multiple times good. I remember when it went from twice a night to just once,but he lasted a long time so it was ok. Then it was not every night anymore. I tried to talk to him about us having less sex and he became very defensive so I dropped it. Sex continued to dwindle down to a couple of times a week. Once or twice more I tried to talk to him about it. It had gotten to where I stopped wearing lingerie because he had rejected me so many times. I stopped initiating sex. Then it went to once a week. And it was still good when we did have it.
Then it got to where he was really quick if you know what I mean. Leaving me frustrated. When I told him I was frustrated, he got very offended.
I mean, even if he was kind of quick, he still could have tried to help me to have some enjoyment. But he didnt try.
Then it got to where he hardly participated in foreplay at all. he wanted me to, while he did nothing. And then he was quick and blamed it on me saying "if we did it more often he wouldnt be so quick"
I think it was another form of control. Nearing the end of the r/s he made a few comments that he wanted our sex life to be like it used to be. I told him I did too.
The last weekend before he left, we had quick shower sex- for him. I felt like a handy object. But he told me he would really take care of me later. rght. That night his "stomach hurt" after eating a huge bowl of ice cream, so he didnt feel like doing anything.
I will give a disclaimer that he has ulcerative colitis and that did play a part in the decrease because his stomach did hurt a lot, but sometimes it was because of what or how much he chose to eat. I could watch him dive into something and know that there would be no sex that night. so tha was the last weekend. One quickie for him, nothing for me.
Another disclaimer is that he had lost his job earlier this year and I know that plays a big part in the male ego and he was depressed sometimes.
But the way it had gotten, from him going from being an animal who made sure he took care of me, to someone who laid ther waiting for it seems very selfish.
