Paranoia?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Something came to mind today about my exBPD. He always thought that anything that happened to him was in some way unique to him. That he was under a black cloud, so to speak. Things that to us we know as just normal little bumps of everyday life, were to him NOT normal. Like he was cursed or something! It could be as simple as getting a flat tire or something getting lost in the mail. He would go on and on about how these things ONLY happened to him.

Anyone experience this with yours? Is this just a sign of paranoia?

[sadblueeyes]

Something came to mind today about my exBPD. He always thought that anything that happened to him was in some way unique to him. That he was under a black cloud, so to speak. Things that to us we know as just normal little bumps of everyday life, were to him NOT normal. Like he was cursed or something! It could be as simple as getting a flat tire or something getting lost in the mail. He would go on and on about how these things ONLY happened to him.

Anyone experience this with yours? Is this just a sign of paranoia?

[2010]

Yes. It is a part of developmental arrest. According to Object relations theory "there are two major positions: the paranoid-schizoid position and the depressive position. The earlier more primitive position is the paranoid-schizoid position and if an individual's environment and up-bringing are satisfactory, she or he will progress through the depressive position."

When a child does not suffer through the abandonment depression (learning with sadness and despair that he exists outside of others,) he keeps the objects deep inside his psyche- splitting them into part time objects; good and bad. Those that reward him are good and those that frustrate him are bad. Because the objects are split, the anxiety about the swinging pendulum of rewarding and withdrawing causes paranoia and eventual hermit like behavior of isolation from people that may trigger these internal feelings of good and bad. The paranoia is also a response to whether or not he feels he can control these outward markers (triggers) of internal conflict.

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paranoid-schizoid_position

[catnap]

To me just part of their always being the victim.  If you were to have responded with a similar story, somehow his would have been the worst experience.  They can not see outside of themselves to realize/empathize that the same things happen to other people because they only care about themselves. 

[redberry]

So insightful as always, 2010.   

Mine did the same thing.  Always acted as if day to day bumps in the road were so overwhelming and only he experienced them.  Everybody was out to make his life hard.  Now, it is true that he had more than his fair share of problems... .  But HE CAUSED 90% of those problems.

I could give a thousand examples... .He planned to have a party at his place one night to watch a soccer game.  Well, his cable went out during the day and the cable company couldn't get it turned back on for at least a day or so.  He ranted and raved because the cable was out for his little party.  Embarrassed, anxious, angry... .  Certainly not good, but he acted like it was the end of the world and, as usual, pointed out how these things only happen to him.  His life is so hard, nobody understands, and on and on... .  What he neglected to say was that his cable bill was overdue.  Multiple notices, and the cable company was more than lenient.  He didn't pay it for months, spent the money on a golf outing.  so he ruined his party and had to pay a reconnect fee that he couldn't even afford.  Another "unexpected" expense when he's broke.  Mean cable company.  Woah is me. 

[catnap]

redberry, your cable story reminded me of an incident with son's exgf.  She had to have cable, he said I can not afford it, already paying the rent and utilities with no help from her though she had promised to pay half.  So she had cable installed, then got furious when he refused to pay the bill. 

[RedRightAnkle]

I feel like he was like that every once and awhile... .usually when justifying why he was being cranky. He was all pissed off on my birthday cuz he "had a bad day" -

-He didn't get to school as early as he wanted (probably because he slept in)

-He was late for work (because he waits til the last possible second to leave, his job is on the other side of town, and then he gets caught in traffic)

-He didn't have money to buy me a present (even though 3 days before he bought himself 3 books)

There was other random stuff. But my ex was more... .schizoid paranoid.

He didn't like to eat food someone else would prepare in case it was poisoned (except he could eat fast food just fine :/ ). Every time we were outside my house and a random person would walk by, he would STARE that person down until they were out of sight. We would be walking and suddenly he'd whip a knife out and act like he heard something. He didn't trust anyone of course because everyone was out to get him. He admits to being paranoid. It was a little scary.

[Clearmind]

   2010

As children, and given we have a half decent childhood, we learn a healthy detachment from our primary care givers and learn to cope with small disappointments. This is important as life is full of disappointments and only get bigger and bigger as adults.

My 6 year old god daughter was distraught that her little friend was sick and couldn't come to her place for a play date. Her mother explained calmly that she was sick and that she had to understand that - that's it's not always about her.

Borderlines however are subsumed by their care giver at a young age. They have not learnt about disappointment and blame their intense feelings on externals - the mail man, us, work mates - whoever they perceive as bad at the time.

[jhan6120]

My ex was paranoid all the way through the r/s. It was just hard to catch because it was mixed up with all the other BS and drama.

She thought she heard her ex boyfriend's motorcycle outside her building (in NYC?); she said she was getting hang-up calls; a run of the mill internet-based credit card fraud had her calling the FBI, That kins of stuff. Lots of FUN!

The paranoia increased as she went into a psychotic episode at the end of the r/s. Go figure, The two go hand-in-hand.