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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: What Are Your Thoughts On BPD Women Who Try To Break Up Marriages?  (Read 637 times)
cheaptrick
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« on: December 30, 2011, 01:58:13 AM »

Assuming that it takes two to tango, this is directed at BPD predator females who go after married men for instant wealth. 

Do you think they lack character? Have remorse for the victims spouse? Why I posted was that my business partner who went thru this same thing, allowed himself to stray/cheat on his wife and his diagnosed BPD/BP mistress tried to get him to throw his wife out of the house,marry her, step into the wife role, started making plans on gardens on their property, and started planning everything without any interest in him oustide that she would take care of him. He noticed that she moved way too fast, wanted money for bills, wanted to stop working to be a home wife, wanted her daughter to have a dad, and on and on. He saw the red flags, didnt allow her to move in after her pushing him, and she suddenly dumped him and found another guy withen a week and moved in with him instead. He saw her at a mall around Christmas with her knew target and her daughter, and he said they looked like a family that had been together for many years. He knew the guy and knew he had been married as well,so perhaps she wrecked his marriage too (both their faults in all cases with breaking up marriages). He is back with his wife who has forgiven him, but I guess she had flings too. Oh well. my thoughts on a women who will use their hyper sexual appeal (BPD), to take another womens hsuband and try to take the house he built with his wife, pretty shallow. i dont see where BPD people break up marriages on these boards, but i do see where they cheat often when married. So, i know BPD causes them to be shallow or lower class, but I would assume these attempts at home wrecking would have been a red flag too, especially if she showed no empathy for what she had done to his wife. I asked why he went after her and almost gave away his marriage and he said they had a rough patch, this BPD girl started hitting on him. (She is a therapist too!) and eventually the sex with her was beyond addictive. Apparently BPD are good at that thing, but I asked him HOW she got that good to begin with. He had a DUH moment of clarity!

So, do BPD women routinely do this?   Do they ever feel for the spouse when they do this? I know men do the same, but this is his story and its about women with BPD in this post. What do you think of these types?
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Willy
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« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2011, 03:02:58 AM »

Its a little different than your story, but I heard many times a woman with BPD likes to triangulate with married men. Its truely BPD heaven. They can triangulate, and being the mistriss reduces the fears of abandonment (and intimacy). Ideally, the married man maintains her in their love nest and pays her bills.
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marbleloser
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« Reply #2 on: December 30, 2011, 07:26:16 AM »

Wow! I'm currently this guy. Have been in an loveless, lacking true affection, marriage for 20 years. I always wanted my wife to love being with me,love holding my hand,etc.,, but she never did.My self esteem had suffered greatly.So, I had had enough of loneliness, and then along came a woman who loved me,loved being with me,loved holding my hand,talking,sex. Everything I had desired over all the years. We made plans to marry after my divorce(she was married at the time too). She would drop whatever she was doing just to be able to see me for 5 minutes. I had NO IDEA what BPD was.Never even heard of it.

Long story short,she ends up in jail for theft (something I never saw coming) and I find out ALOT about her past history from her friends and acquaintances,most of whom will have nothing to do with her now.

(Full disclosure: I'm going through divorce at the moment and I'm still talking to the BPDgf. Part of my dependance and scared of being alone problem I know)

As far as wealth goes,she knows I don't have any,but I'm sure she wants to be with me to "get away" from her immediate family. I should have seen the signs when she wouldn't even have much to do with her own daughter. I was (and still am) ripe for the picking. I now know though, that I have to work on my own issues.

She did tell me afterwards,that she felt sorry for my wife and wanted to apologize to her,but she never did. She apologized profusely to me.

I've heard that she's done this before. It's the need to be taken care of,I think.The "survivalist" in them.

I also take reposnability for myself.She didn't do this alone.I was more than willing and actually "looking" for someone. Doesn't say much about my character,does it?
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MaybeSo
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Relationship status: Together five years, ended suddenly June 2011
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Players only love you when they're playing...


« Reply #3 on: December 30, 2011, 10:14:04 AM »

My father left me and my family when I was 5 to be with a younger woman he was having an affair with, he left my mom and 4 kids to be with her. This other women is clearly personality disordered. She is still in our lives, my dad and her have had a rocky r/s for over 30 years now. She not only did not apologize or have any compassion for the family she helped destroy, she actually plays a victim role that my father has accommodated for all these years. From my earliest memory, my talks with my father , when I would be granted some time with him, revolved around this poor other woman, how we should feel sorry for her, how we need to bend over backwards to be nice and accepting of her, if we are just nice enough to her, she will like us and be happy. Well, I was five when this started so I tried very hard to make this woman happy because i feared might loose my dad forever if I didn't. Well, of course this woman is mentally ill (NPD/BPD) and vile and I could not make her happy. Not once did this woman or my father ever want to talk about how painful it was to have my family break up, there was no curiosity or compassion toward me or my siblings or my mom. We were treated like the enemy no matter how polite or accommodating we were.  so, does this woman lack character? Well yes of course, she is personality disordered... .that is a characterological issue. And my father was grossly codependent and his codependence was very painful and actually led to his emotional and physical neglect and abandonment of his own children.  truth be told it was my father and mothers codependent traits that did the most harm. If the had both been stronger individuals ... .this sick woman would have never been allowed entry into this family, and allowed to wreak such damage for so many years.
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Riggins4210

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« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2014, 12:55:38 PM »

Yes, many do. I am a married man with a beautiful wife, and two beautiful children. The BPD woman that pursued me once went off on a tangent about how disgusting it was that married men cheat - yet, she asked me for an affair and when I said no she constantly said she could have me. Really? The answer is still no. Ultimately, she was trying to turn me into the one thing she truly despised the most - she wanted me to cheat so she could validate or rationalize why I wasn't worth it. It's truly the most screwed up pathology I can imagine. All of this happened years ago and I thought I could still be a friend - but of course - that's not possible.

In many ways, it's like dealing with a five year old child - someone who is truly hollow inside and constantly trying to fill a hole with continuous attention and validation. I hppe not all people with BPD are like this, but the reality is that it's simply not worth it to wait and find out. If it's a family member - then it makes sense to try and help - to a point. But, if it's someone that has no blood ties - and someone who doesn't think they have a problem or isn't willing to get help - then bail. Cut and run. It's not easy, but eventually, you'll get to a point where you're able to recognize the severity of her problem and not you, or anyone for that matter, can help her if she can't help herself.
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Trent
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« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2014, 02:24:56 PM »

Its a little different than your story, but I heard many times a woman with BPD likes to triangulate with married men. Its truely BPD heaven. They can triangulate, and being the mistriss reduces the fears of abandonment (and intimacy). Ideally, the married man maintains her in their love nest and pays her bills.

My BPDex did this.  She lived for 2 years in the love nest while the married sugar daddy (30 years her senior) paid her bills.  When the wife said to the man, "it's her or me", the man chose my BPD ex and then they married.  Later, the man cheated on her too.  Poetic justice I suppose.
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