Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 12, 2020, 01:04:06 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
Ambassadors: formflier, GaGrl, Ozzie101, Swimmy55, zachira
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Poll
Question: As one who read the book, how do you rate this book?
Excellent - 18 (81.8%)
Good - 3 (13.6%)
Fair - 1 (4.5%)
Poor - 0 (0%)
Total Voters: 22

Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: The Buddha & The Borderline - Kiera Van Gelder  (Read 20527 times)
Randi Kreger
DSA Recipient
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 134

Author of the 'Essential Family Guide to BPD"


« on: June 24, 2010, 12:49:11 PM »

A good friend of mine wrote this book.

It is a very funny book. It is coming out in August 2010.

It offers a really good look inside the emotional instability of a BP--very different from Get Me Out of Here in that it is a cross between Bridget Jone's Diary and Girl Interrupted (that was part of my review). Kiera has an MFA in writing and it shows.
Logged

I had a borderline mother and narcissistic father. Author of stop walking on eggshells, The stop walking on eggshells workbook, the essential family guide to borderline personality disorder, and the upcoming book stop walking on egg shells for partners
liteknight

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 37


« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2010, 04:52:56 PM »

The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder
Author: Kiera Van Gelder
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company (October 14, 2013)
Paperback: 264 pages
ISBN-10: 157224710X
ISBN-13: 978-1572247109




Book Description
The Buddha and the Borderline is a first-person account of one woman's struggle with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and her eventual triumph over her symptoms through dialectical behavior therapy and Buddhist spirituality.

About the Author
Kiera Van Gelder, MFA, is an artist, educator, and writer diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. An international speaker and advocate, she is featured in the documentary Back from the Edge: Living With and Recovering From Borderline Personality Disorder. She currently lives in Massachusetts at a Buddhist meditation center.



I just finished reading a book called "The buddha and the borderline" written by a woman who recovered from BPD. It was honest and witty and helped me feel more compassion toward my BPD ex and was a good influence as part of my healing process.

The book is about her journey thru BPD but more importantly its about a person's journey towards healing that translates to the rest of us who are struggling with post relationship fall out and our struggles with the healing process. It opened up a few doors in my mind and in my heart and helped me to let go of a lot of the anger and resentment that i had toward my uBPDxgf. And inspired me to really look at my "___" in a new way and what I need to work out to make healthier choices for my life in the future.

It  didnt inspire ANY feeling of hoping to return to the relationship. No false hope. I liked it more than the "Get Me Out Of Here" memoir.

The other helpful thing was it help illuminate some of the BPD-like traits that I picked up after being in a long term relationship with my BPDx.

Anyway - just wanted to share something I found helpful in my recovery process.

Thanks - LK
Logged
damask
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: together almost 20 years, married 10
Posts: 536


« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2011, 11:45:26 PM »

Hey, I got this book, based on this review.  I get tired of reading all the informative stuff of what is wrong w/my BPDh, how I can help my BPDh, how I can help myself cause I'm w/a BPDh... .soo.  I got this book.  Liked that the Buddha was involved w/the title, and that it is a story told in the voice of a woman who recovered from BPD.

It is a great book, you're right!  She is a very good writer, never a dull moment.  I am enjoying waiting to see how each moment unfolds.  It kind of makes me sad, cause my BPDh is undiagnosed, and not seeking help.  Plus, it is such a state of constant turmoil they are in.  Gives one quite an insight.  Thanks!
Logged
chinadoll

Offline Offline

Posts: 4


« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2011, 08:12:50 PM »

I appreciated this book a lot.  It really helped me to understand the lived experience of someone with constant, never ending emotional dysregulation.  For those of us on the outside, we may have an expectation that someone with BPD should be able to regulate themselves.  WHat I got from this book is that they do not know how.

It made me develop a lot more compassion.  I also appreciated the courage of the author to share the intimate details of her struggles.  I liked the portrayal of both her humility and strength.  I recommended this book to no fewer than half dozen others and we all reported that it was very helpful.
Logged
tiredmommy2
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 2284



« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2011, 08:21:50 AM »

I loved this book as well.

I was getting a little bit tired of the boring clinical books, so I ordered this one.  It was very well written & informative, yet so witty, funny, entertaining & just plain raw at times.  The author spared no details of her private struggles & I found that refreshing.  I walked around sleep deprived for days because I just couldn't put this book down!

I finished this book with a better understanding of what my d is dealing with & would recommend it to anyone dealing with a pwBPD.
Logged
Stacy Pershall
Professional Member
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 3

Author of Loud in the House of Myself.


« Reply #5 on: April 27, 2011, 01:14:55 PM »

I'd just like to say how much I love this book.  Kiera rules!
Logged


This website is designed to support, not to replace, the relationship between patient and their physician.
damask
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: together almost 20 years, married 10
Posts: 536


« Reply #6 on: April 27, 2011, 01:58:56 PM »

I read your book also, Stacy.  You also rock!
Logged
Moorpark

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Married
Posts: 10


« Reply #7 on: July 26, 2011, 12:13:56 AM »

I just read this book from cover to cover a few weeks ago.  It was excellent!  She describes in detail how and why she feels.  This helped me to realized I'm not the only wierd one out there.
Logged
MaybeSo
Distinguished Member
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Together five years, ended suddenly June 2011
Posts: 3680


Players only love you when they're playing...


« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2011, 05:06:12 PM »

I am about 1/2 way through this book and I do find it to be well done.

Selfishly... .I am hoping a book will be authored by a less 'traditional' pwBPD soon... .like a male instead of the stereotyped female,  someone who is high funtioning, not sucicidal, can hold down jobs okay, is not cutting etc. but has struggling with the impact of this disorder nontheless.  I think BPD has many faces... .and I'd love to see a success story with someone who doesn't meet all the classic traditional signs of what the main stream media seems to think of as being 'borderline'.  Though I do not want to take away from this book at all... .any enlightened education about this disorder AT ALL is so welcome and so important.
Logged

Sadforson
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 237



« Reply #9 on: August 06, 2011, 04:22:16 PM »

I just finished this book.  A brilliant painful insightful tour of the world through the eyes of someone suffering with this disorder.  Funny too.  Very insightful and very helpful.  In the end she doesn't overcome her borderline tendencies as much as grow to understand herself as larger than her emotions.  Highly recommended.
Logged
puglover
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Loving my self!
Posts: 174


« Reply #10 on: January 08, 2012, 03:37:22 PM »

This is a great book. I found this book allowed me to have a lot more empathy for my ex bf. Definately recommend it. This book is what has inspired me to seek out DBT therapy for myself. Smiling (click to insert in post)
Logged
swampped
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Inlaw
What is your relationship status with them: Married 45 years
Posts: 358



« Reply #11 on: January 18, 2012, 09:25:06 AM »

This book changed the way I look at uBPDdil, her struggles, her cycles, and what my DS is dealing with in trying to maintain a relationship with his 3 year old daughter.  A wonderful insight into the disordered thinking, and the day to day pain of a pwBPD.  I found it very helpful personally, and have shared it with others.  An excellent adjunct to the "technical" books about BPD.
Logged
seeking balance
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
What is your relationship status with them: divorced
Posts: 7147



« Reply #12 on: January 18, 2012, 09:39:33 AM »

This book is compelling as a story, but on a deeper level - truly shows how even a person who does everything right and know what to do and not to do can still struggle.

I found the line, "a life worth living" to be very powerful and can be applied to anyone's life.

I would recommend this book to anyone who has a pwBPD in their life.  As a story itself, I found it quite good and am considering recommending it to my book club.
Logged

Faith does not grow in the house of certainty - The Shack
bpdfamfan
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 537



« Reply #13 on: May 23, 2012, 09:49:29 PM »

I rated this book "excellent"

Absolutely loved it.

I considered letting my teen read it but decided against it due to some sexually-related content.

Still think it's a great, worthwhile read  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
Logged
exbpdgf
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
What is your relationship status with them: divorced
Posts: 145



« Reply #14 on: June 17, 2012, 08:47:32 PM »

I just read this book last week and I loved it! I'm about 5-6 months into post-breakup with uBPD. I did not see it until it was over and now it is so obvious. There has been so many hurtful actions after the breakup that left me hurt and angry. Her friends reached out to me, but when they told me things  (usually painting me black or some form of dishonesty), I'd get angry-then I'd look like the crazy person.

This book really helped me get some compassion for my uBPD. I have a better sense of her pain and frankly with my own background (lots of trauma), I'm amazed I'm not BPD too. A sort of "there but for the grace of god go I" moment. So after reading this book, I find myself waaaay less angry and way more compassionate (and convinced I did the right thing in leaving)
Logged

ontherox
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 72


« Reply #15 on: October 12, 2012, 01:43:57 PM »

I thought this book was terrific, it_
Logged
momma

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Married
Posts: 10



« Reply #16 on: November 02, 2012, 01:32:05 PM »

I found this book extremely honest and well written. It helped me to understand and empathize with my daughter more. I read it about a year ago just after we found out our daughter had BPD. I liked it because it gave me insight into what goes on inside the heart and mind of a borderline. After reading it I passed it on to my daughter and she instantly felt a connection with Kiera. She said it made her feel less alone to know that others felt what she was feeling. I would highly recommend this book.

C
Logged
simenora
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 88


« Reply #17 on: December 06, 2012, 04:21:14 PM »

OMG what an incredible insight this has given me into the intensity of my child's feelings. It has made me understand that rather than cure the disorder, our kids(and us) have to come to terms with it and learn to cope with its many challenges. What an epiphany! Anybody else read/reacted to this book and found it helped to understand their child?
Logged
Esperança_Hope
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: married
Posts: 506



« Reply #18 on: December 06, 2012, 05:06:07 PM »

Pretty good, Simenora Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

As we do with life without realize it

I understood learn to cope with chronic illnesses is the same. My DS31 became my best "teacher".

Many of us get better persons after grieving, acceptance and change

Esperança
Logged
griz
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: married
Posts: 860



« Reply #19 on: December 07, 2012, 12:04:40 PM »

I almost feel over when I read your post.  About two weeks ago I was in the bookstore just browsing and I came across a book on Budahism.  I had always wanted to learn about it so I bought it for myself and have been reading it.  Yesterday I was in my therapist office and I told her that Marcia Linnahan should not be taking credit for DBT because Budah discovered it years ago.

I wish my DD could embrace this way of thinking.  To be mindful, to be a peace... .

Griz
Logged
cfh
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Married 30 + years and struggling under the strain
Posts: 771



« Reply #20 on: December 07, 2012, 12:59:22 PM »

Ordered it from my library about two weeks ago... .can't wait for it to come in!
Logged
LearningToAccept
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 59



« Reply #21 on: December 08, 2012, 09:32:06 PM »

Buddhism and Advaita (Hinduism) are incredibly powerful philosophies, trully life changing. They teach us how to look within not without.  I am currently reading Radical Acceptance - Embracing Your Life with the Heart of the Buddah by Tara Brach. I will put the OP's book on my wish list. Thanks for the suggestion.

Learning
Logged
vivekananda
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: married
Posts: 2354


« Reply #22 on: May 15, 2013, 02:50:45 AM »

I just finished reading the book. I thought it was excellent. It was beautifully written, it was a wonderfully authentic story of hope and possibility and it had lots of good learning in it about ways to encourage recovery.

I think it should be essential reading for any parent with an adult child with BPD. It provides an insight that will benefit any parent in understanding what their child could be experiencing.

The book encourages compassion for pwBPD, for those who love them and for those beyond this circle.

I found the book very moving,

cheers,

Vivek  
Logged
qwaszx
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 259


« Reply #23 on: May 15, 2013, 10:54:47 PM »

great book, a lot of insight:D makes me wonder hows shes doing now
Logged
PrettyPlease
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 275


WWW
« Reply #24 on: May 11, 2014, 11:05:56 PM »

I just finished this book, and have no trouble giving it 5 stars.

In my opinion the author is honest, witty, insightful, and writes extremely well.

I agree with many previous posts -- this book taught me a lot about what life as a borderline is like. It was amazing to have a detailed description of the other side in situations that I've lived as the 'non' partner.

It made a strong impact on me in terms of re-emphasizing how incredibly hard it is to recover from the condition, even when there are personal and professional helpers and the pwBPD is self-aware, accepts the condition, and is self-motivated to change.

In other words, I think it's effective both as a way to understand and feel more compassion for a pwBPD, and as a way to extend one's Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post) list to help avoid getting into a destructive loop with a BPD person.

Logged
Narellan
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1080



« Reply #25 on: May 11, 2014, 11:40:52 PM »

I'm going to get this book. Thank you x

On a side note my ex BPD was Buddhist raised.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
Logged
JoeBPD81
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 627



WWW
« Reply #26 on: March 30, 2017, 05:18:52 AM »

I need some advice. I'm looking for a book for my GF to read, that would give her some optimism about her own BPD, some light at the end of the tunnel.

Most reviews talk about it being great for a partner, but what about for the people suffering themselves?

She is hightly functional, and has a lot of insight about her disorder, but she struggles to see a reason to keep living, and feels she is just a burden and a curse for everyone around. Periodically she falls into a pit of darkness and makes plans to orphan her kids, because they "would be better off with anyone else". These kids would then fall into the hands of an abusive alcoholic father, or an abusive BPD or NPD grandmother. Mi GF is the most caring and dedicated mother I've met in my life, fighting her BPD with every parent duty.

When in group therapy she felt really pesimistic, seeing the behabiour of other people and thinking how we must see her, or how she would be in the future. It did more harm than good. As in "if this is all life has in storage for me I might as well kill myself now". She tried a couple of times before being a mom. And thinks about it constantly.

I need to know if this book would be triggering or validating/ giving some hope, as to telling her she can have a life worth living.

Please, help.

Thanks
Logged

We are in this together.
JoeBPD81
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 627



WWW
« Reply #27 on: April 09, 2017, 04:25:54 PM »

Well,
I read the book myself and I loved it. I think the writer was very brave and I felt nothing but admiration for her while reading. It didn't wake me up as my GF talks to me a lot and I know how she feels, she gives me those kind of reports. Anyway, it was great to read it, it gives some hope, but nothing unrealistic.

I gave it to my GF and she's liking it so far,even if it is hard to read when it's too close to home. I'll tell you when she finishes it... .
Logged

We are in this together.
JoeBPD81
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 627



WWW
« Reply #28 on: November 14, 2017, 05:47:24 AM »

I never came back to talk about this.

My Gf read the book and loved it (she also hated it). But she usually refers to it as a turning point that opened the door to understanding she is not alone. And also to accept that my reaction to BPD was not one of rejection.

The clinical and self help, step by step guides... .Are great, but a personal story has some force that those other books lack. I've been recommending this book across the boards.

For many people here whose pwBPD is male, I would love to have a similar book writen by a man, as I see in my experience that it is a disorder with a very different response depending on gender. Even if the pain is the same, society expects different things from men and women, or we are taught so, so the result is that shame and guilt, and pain are expressed in different ways in women and men. But that's another matter.

A 100% recommended.
Logged

We are in this together.
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Links and Information
CLINICAL INFORMATION
The Big Picture
5 Dimensions of Personality
BPD? How can I know?
Get Someone into Therapy
Treatment of BPD
Full Clinical Definition
Top 50 Questions

EDITORIAL DEPARTMENTS
My Child has BPD
My Parent/Sibling has BPD
My Significant Other has BPD
Recovering a Breakup
My Failing Romance
Endorsed Books
Archived Articles

RELATIONSHIP TOOLS
How to Stop Reacting
Ending Cycle of Conflict
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Values and Boundaries
On-Line CBT Program
>> More Tools

MESSAGEBOARD GENERAL
Membership Eligibility
Messageboard Guidelines
Directory
Suicidal Ideation
Domestic Violence
ABOUT US
Mission
Policy and Disclaimers
Professional Endorsements
Wikipedia
Facebook

BPDFamily.org

Your Account
Settings

Moderation Appeal
Become a Sponsor
Sponsorship Account


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!