Holiday triggers? Does your BPD push away now?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

He did this last year too.  This year he has already wished me in advance merry Chirstmas and a HNY.  He always just sends text messages on the holidays.  It appears this year I won't even get that.  He says we will do something after January 4th.  Will we?  I am hoping I will say no.  I am hoping that I will have the strength.  I didn't respond to this attempt to control seeing after January 4th.  I know he expected a response.  I know he wanted me to say something like; "Sure, that would be great!  Just let me know when!"  But I didn't respond and now I think he might just try to contact me one more time before that date.  Just to make sure I am under his thumb.  Does anyone else on here get this kind of attempt at control?

[mssomebodynice]

He did this last year too.  This year he has already wished me in advance merry Chirstmas and a HNY.  He always just sends text messages on the holidays.  It appears this year I won't even get that.  He says we will do something after January 4th.  Will we?  I am hoping I will say no.  I am hoping that I will have the strength.  I didn't respond to this attempt to control seeing after January 4th.  I know he expected a response.  I know he wanted me to say something like; "Sure, that would be great!  Just let me know when!"  But I didn't respond and now I think he might just try to contact me one more time before that date.  Just to make sure I am under his thumb.  Does anyone else on here get this kind of attempt at control?

[Newton]

Not just holidays but ANY celebratory occasion... .be it christmas, birthdays, vacations... .

Eventually as we were so enmeshed I dreaded any of these events... .just as she did.

I truly wish you peace and happiness this Christmas and New Year 

Spend time with people who truly care about you and hopefully the New Year will bring strength, clarity and resolve to your decision... .whatever it is 

[almost789]

This is exactly the time mine started pushing me away, and then I broke up with him the first week of Jan.

[mssomebodynice]

Thanks Newton.  I have never spent a holiday, birthday, or anything like that with him.  When I went on vacation the texts were non-stop.  When are you coming home? Bla-bla-bla!  When I got home he didn't see me for another week?  It is so weird!  I have three kids.  They mean everything to me.  I will focus on them as I did last year.  It is just that the minute I am focused elsewhere, that is the time he starts the 'pull' again.  I just so want to be done with all of this!  I want to stop the madness of it all.  Newton, I hope you have a really great Christmas and may the power be with you in the new year.  Thanks for just telling me that you understand.  It means a lot that you aknowledged being able to relate to me here.

[mssomebodynice]

So where are you in the relationship now Almost?  Are you better?  Gosh, I hope things are better for you after a year.

[Washisheart]

All I hear from him are how all these occasions are BS & he doesnt want to be bothered. It works my nerves. He was so bad Thanksgiving I left without him & did something on my own, which I had NEVER done before. It took him so off board he showed up. And was extra affectionate & lovey too

[Newton]

mssomebodynice ... .focus on the "they mean everything to me"... .and try to ignore the "bla, bla, bla"...

... .that noise will still be there in the New Year after you have enjoyed yourself with your kidlets... . 


Washisheart... .good for you!... .looking after yourself! 

[almost789]

No Washisbeart, its not better. Its been push and pull for the whole year and im not doing it anymore. Time to move on for me.

[mssomebodynice]

Almost,

It was me who wanted to know where you were with your relationship right now.  I am happy to hear that you are trying to move forward for yourself.  It gives me hope for myself.  These people are so hurtful.  It breaks my heart to hear these stories but it gives me strength too.  I am hoping to follow along Almost.  I am trying to break away.  Small steps but my mindset has really changed. 

[Seb]

I think I read somewhere about seasonal triggers, and how this can affect pwBPD. My exgf had a meltdown and dumped me in May. I always remember her telling me about a major meltdown in May the year before when she was in Sydney with a girl she was sleeping with. From what I can see, May seems to be a trigger month for her.

[TheRealSully]

Yup.  Mine does this every damn year.  She's nuts from Thanksgiving to just after New Year's.  She's off on her own right now during this time and has a plan to meet with me for her divorce on Jan 3rd.  Only 1 day earlier than your BPD.

[dapperman]

Dear mssomebodynice, I read your post and I have to say it reminded me of my uBPDw.  I too noticed that everytime a major Holiday came around like Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years eve I got the MAJOR COLD SHOULDER from her.  This last Christmas was the worst one I've ever had because I never been treated that bad on Christmas and that was the last straw for me.  I had since moved out because I was tired of the crap and being treated that way... .  crap!.  Because of how I was treated I MAY look at Holiday's different for awhile.  I just wish that we could all enjoy christmas and major holiday's like couples should do and that was all I wanted.  Right now I just have to deal with living in this 1bdr apartment and believe me it's lonely.  So right now i'm going thru emotionally.  Well take care, sincerely dapper man.