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Author Topic: Confused as to what I read through texting with s BPD EX  (Read 7533 times)
ricky rick

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« on: January 02, 2013, 07:44:16 AM »

Ok so this will be a short and sweet but I have a question in regards to BPDs in general when talking to them through texting. My ex BPD female when texting me makes certain comments that make no sense and confuse the hell out of me. Is this because they are afraid when talking to us? does this trigger something to where they have issues thinking straight when trying to talk to us? just wondering... .  

Rick
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Rose Tiger
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« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2013, 07:59:27 AM »

Hi Ricky Rick,

Welcome

Can you give us an example of a confusing text?  It's hard to say without seeing an example or two.
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ricky rick

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« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2013, 08:35:57 AM »

Hello rose tiger,

I sent my ex a small christmas gift through the mail this year. Just to be nice.

The gift was some chocolate covered oreo's which she loves. Now granted, you can get these almost anywhere but when it comes to having to have them shipped, they only ship from certain places. so when she received them she of course said thank you but had asked me why i had shipped them from a certain location. I had told her it was because that location was the closest place to her house that ships there. So she responds, oh, so your not living there? I said no im not living there. I told her that nothing has changed as far as where I live or what im doing. She got all defensive and said ok captain crabby pants! As if I was mad at her or something. I wasnt mad at all, just confused.

There are other things that have happened that are just as confusing so i guess im trying to figure out if other people go through this? Is this BPD behavior or something else?
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Rose Tiger
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« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2013, 08:44:12 AM »

How long have you two been broken up?  People with BPD have very poor boundaries, so the gift gave her a bit of a green light to start asking questions, the sort that really aren't any of her business anymore.  That you two are broken up is a bit fuzzy to a person with BPD and the gift may have sent confusing signals to her.

It's hard to say what she found to get defensive about but I like the captain crabby pants.  I'm going to use that with my teen.  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Was this the last contact you had with your ex?
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Seahorse1
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« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2013, 08:46:44 AM »

My first response based on that particular example is that they ( mine was) extremely suspicious... .  

So my interpretation is she may have concoctated a story in her head that you have a new girlfriend or some thing in that city... .  

Mine was so suspicious it was insane
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Seahorse1
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« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2013, 08:51:29 AM »

Thanks for the reminder of the exhaustion of constantly having to answer questions all the time and defend your self over ridiculous things... .  

Eg... .  

Him... .  Why is your phone lit up? Who were you talking to?

Me... .  You... .  you just called me before you walked in the door
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ricky rick

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« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2013, 10:00:10 AM »

We broke up in september. I did the break up. couldnt take it any longer. got to a point where she almost ruined me in every way... .  emotional, phyical, FINANCIAL! Also ive been recycled once. Shes a long story as most are and yes my heart is bleeding but i dont deserve the ~ given to me. As you all know, we are door mats to these people. I dont blame her, I blame her past, her disorder and the fact that she will most likely never get help or get better.

I came to this website and wow! so many of us who have been used and hurt. Its nice to know that there are others out there that can relate to all of this. It helps a lot. I live in Michigan and wish there were support groups on this. I have failed to find any. I live outside the Detroit area so if anyone has any information I would greatly appreatiate it. Sorry, I went off the beaten path here.

Back to the ex,first of all when we broke up i decided to go NC on her. That broke when she found out through a friend that i had gotten hurt and was on disability. I tried to stay NC but she was getting a little crazy with the texts so i gave in out of fear really. once she got her answers to what happened it was awhile before hearing from her again. When i did hear from her thats when i got another confusing text.

She asked me what i was doing. I told her i was going to the movies. she asked me what I was seeing. I told her Red Dawn. ( Parts of it were filmed in my town so i wanted to see it). Shes like, oh, I never would have thought that you would be seeing that type of movie, I always took you for being the so and so type. Isnt that a drama? I said no, its action. She said oh! The confusing thing here is that I dated this girl for three and a half years. we saw all kinds of movies together. And i like all movies. When she said this its almost like she never knew me and my likes or dislikes. I just found it totally weird.
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ron7127
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« Reply #7 on: January 02, 2013, 10:13:30 AM »

Well, Ricky, perhaps  it would be best to go no contact and stop sending gifts... Once I did this, the desire to try to understand wth her crazy responses meant abated over time.
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daybreak
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« Reply #8 on: January 02, 2013, 10:58:45 AM »

Ricky,

At times my whip-smart high functioning BPDGF would make child like comments, especially when stressed.  These comments ranged from the very immature (like a 4 yr. old) to the irrational, that may have made sense to only her... .  it's hard to know.  I would ask her what she meant, and would just get more spaghetti if indeed she would respond at all.  Two plus years later I still wonder what some of her comments meant... .  
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bpdspell
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« Reply #9 on: January 02, 2013, 04:24:42 PM »

Ricky Rick,

Texting is truly a poor from of communication when it comes to intimate relationships. I wouldn't read too much into her texts because she's still a sick puppy no matter how many ways you slice it. As for our BPDex's texting is a passive form of communication that allows them to reach out to us without any real direct commitment. It's kinda like sticking your big toe in a lake before taking a swim. You admitted to dumping her so on her end she knows you're capable of some kind of self-respect and ownership... .  She may miss you but her disorder will render her incapable of making amends because she lacks insight into her behavior. If she were capable of being reflective and compassionate she wouldn't be BPD and you'd two would still be together.

The texting could mean a variety of things: an attempt at a recycle or simply knowing if you still care or are interested in recycling with her. It all boils down to what you want. Time apart may make your heart grow fonder but trust and believe she's still the same disordered person that caused you to make the reluctant decision to end your relationship for good.

What exactly do you want from her?

It's a stroke to the ego when they reach out to us even in indirect silly ways. It's proof that we've been on their minds, perhaps missing us but they do not change. I broke up with my ex as well but he always came up with creative ways to keep the door open. It's up to us to shut that door for good.

Spell
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daybreak
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« Reply #10 on: January 02, 2013, 06:43:33 PM »

Of course Spell is right that texting can be construed differently or easily misunderstood... .  I did not differentiate between texting and other forms of communication.  My experiences were either oral communication or emails... .  and my experiences are common with many BPD affected people.
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ricky rick

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« Reply #11 on: January 02, 2013, 07:16:42 PM »

Thanks everyone for your comments. Ill admit i made a mistake by sending a gift at Christmas time. I knew what to expect i guess. For me, Ive been recycled once already. Im not going through that again. Detaching has been difficult because i know now that its over and i have to move on. Its like morning a death but worse. I know in order for myself to heal and move forward, I will have to completly go NC and never talk to her again. Not the easiest thing as we all know. But when i look at how I was treated and how bad everything was, it makes it easier to go NC. Im sure the drama is far from over when it comes to my BPD ex. I was the only stable thing she ever had. Sooner or later Ill hear from her Im sure. Its too bad I wont be around any longer to pick up the pieces of her life.
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Rose Tiger
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« Reply #12 on: January 03, 2013, 01:19:16 AM »

Hey Ricky Rick,

This article helped me a lot in dealing with my Ex after the break... .  

Leaving a Partner with Borderline Personality Disorder

Especially the part about being boring.  My ex will occasionally text or email.  I'm in light contact for now, the divorce is pending so I haven't gone NC.

Your ex might be contary to keep the contact going... .  you know what I mean?  Be purposely confusing to keep the conversation going.  My Ex could get me explaining and defending like nobody's business.    I no longer take the bait.  Terms like "I know what you mean" and nothing beyond that, no emotional stuff.  Oh, and I don't respond right away, I'll wait some time before responding.  I hear from him less and less as he likely finds other sources for his drama.
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