what game is he playing

[Depression = 72% of members]

All last week,  I kept saying I was going home. I stopped by the house,  to check on it and make sure that things were in order before I took my son home.  Well, everything was just the way I left it.  I was really concermed about my sons hamster, since he had been there for 2 weeks without food and water.  I figured that he would be dead, and I was thinking that I would have to sneak and replace him.  

Well,  the hamster was alive and well... .and his cage was clean.

this was odd to me, and I mentioned it to my sister,  and she assured me that the hamster had probably just eaten his poop, and that was why the. Cage was clean.  

I told her I thought he did it. She told me no way. If he'd been there he would have called you.

Over the next few days,  every time I was going to go home, something would happen. Friday was the full moon, so my sister begged me to stay. Saturday I met some friends for a drink,  and it was cold to take my son out ( he had already had his bath)and yesterday night I had a flat.

I made it home this afternoon,  around 1.  The glass panels in my side door were broken out from the inside.  The Locks were fine. His favorite blanket and stuff were all still there.  There were a lot of cigarette butts on the porch and some beer cans outside.  He also threw a little plant my son had planted outside. But he did not take his things.

The police officer says that since they have not been able to serve him the papers for my restraining order, he still has rights to the house. And they can't stop him from coming there.

Wow ... .  

But I'm curious to what the hell he wants.  I haven't gotten any calls or emails.  And it doesn't look like he has been staying there either.  

I am very confused and frightened.


I wish I knew what he wanted ... .  

[smartwoman220]

All last week,  I kept saying I was going home. I stopped by the house,  to check on it and make sure that things were in order before I took my son home.  Well, everything was just the way I left it.  I was really concermed about my sons hamster, since he had been there for 2 weeks without food and water.  I figured that he would be dead, and I was thinking that I would have to sneak and replace him.  

Well,  the hamster was alive and well... .and his cage was clean.

this was odd to me, and I mentioned it to my sister,  and she assured me that the hamster had probably just eaten his poop, and that was why the. Cage was clean.  

I told her I thought he did it. She told me no way. If he'd been there he would have called you.

Over the next few days,  every time I was going to go home, something would happen. Friday was the full moon, so my sister begged me to stay. Saturday I met some friends for a drink,  and it was cold to take my son out ( he had already had his bath)and yesterday night I had a flat.

I made it home this afternoon,  around 1.  The glass panels in my side door were broken out from the inside.  The Locks were fine. His favorite blanket and stuff were all still there.  There were a lot of cigarette butts on the porch and some beer cans outside.  He also threw a little plant my son had planted outside. But he did not take his things.

The police officer says that since they have not been able to serve him the papers for my restraining order, he still has rights to the house. And they can't stop him from coming there.

Wow ... .  

But I'm curious to what the hell he wants.  I haven't gotten any calls or emails.  And it doesn't look like he has been staying there either.  

I am very confused and frightened.


I wish I knew what he wanted ... .  

[Justadude]

He feels miserable. He doesn't want anything other than to scare you, intimidate you, and threaten you. Go purchase a web cam at radio shack and get a huge hard drive then when something like that happens again show it to the police.

[Newton]

Have you had an opportunity to change the locks?... .  this seems like a basic for you considering the level of violence you experienced... .  

[Rose Tiger]

That must be unsettling for you! 

Are you staying in the home now or are you waiting until he is served? 

[Surnia]

Swartwoman

So sorry about this! I would be frightened too. 

The locks!

He does not want to take his things. I guess he wants to show you: I am here. I have the right to do what I want. Controlling behavior.

Perhaps you should call again with someone of the DV Hotline. The thing with the RO that could not be served to him... .  is there a way out of this unsatisfying situation?

Take your fear as a sign to act. Changing locks. DV Hotline. Always your mobile with you.

Keep us posted.

Surnia

[smartwoman220]

Hey guys! Happy new year!

I never made it around to changing the locks OR. Sleeping in my bed. I've only been home 2 since December 13.

My landlord is aware of what is going on, and I have made her aware that I am moving my things into storage this weekend.  Ill stay with my sister and her husband For a while until I find something, only because I don't know what he is trying to accomplish.

Justadude: my dad says the same thing you did,  that he wants to scare me.

I think its so stupid though.  I did everything thing I could plus some,  so why do this ish to me.

Why not go out there and lay up with your new women and let me go on.


It takes do much more energy, negative energy at that, to try to terrorize someone.

I feel so bad for him,  but I am getting angry.

[bpdspell]

I don't know what he is trying to accomplish.

Justadude: my dad says the same thing you did,  that he wants to scare me.

I think its so stupid though.  I did everything thing I could plus some,  so why do this ish to me.

Why not go out there and lay up with your new women and let me go on.


It takes do much more energy, negative energy at that, to try to terrorize someone.

I feel so bad for him,  but I am getting angry.

Hey Smart Woman,

Happy New Year!

In addition to having been with someone mentally ill you are also in the midst of a Domestic Violence Situation. I can relate. My ex was BPD (w/NPD traits) and controlling, abusive, and prone to violence. He cheated but always tried to come back with anger, control, and blame. When things got so out of hand I had to stay with friends, avoid his calls, and eventually I had to take control. I called the authorities, got a restraining order and pressed charges.

As for his thinking; his narcissism is fueling his need to control you. He once controlled you and now you have slipped out of his grasp. All attempts to control you through fear are out of his desperation to hold onto whatever strings he has left. In their minds they are obsessive. What used to work on us isn't working anymore and they're willing to go to the extremes of putting fear in you to regain control.

He is playing a game but do not allow your ego to be stroked by this insanity. This is not love or care; this is not someone "missing" you. This is pathological frustration, desperation and a person who is not in touch with reality. His arsenal of tactics are being put to the test. That includes emotional bullying you to tip the balance of power back in his hands. Don't even think this is about love, missing you, or caring. It isn't. It's harassment with the intention to lure you back with fear.

Sometimes BPD's cheat to punish you. That's how their child mind's work. They'll do anything to justify treating you with disrespect and disregard. This is a part of the devaluation process. You have now proven that you aren't pedestal perfect, that you have needs too... .  so now it's punishment tantrum time. The replacements are part of the ~ tests they throw at you hoping that the crap will stick to the wall and keep you in submissive position.

Just remember; you are dealing with a very sick mind. Do what is necessary to protect yourself and be prepared to tough it out because things have already gotten ugly.

Spell

[smartwoman220]

Thank you Spell,  it makes 'sense', but I still don't get it. I guess I won't, but that's a good thing. It proves I'm not crazy ( ) . I literally felt like I was losing my mind. 

Scaring someone into being with you, seems pointless. 

But I guess HE doesn't get that.

My dad is asking for me to pack my things and move back to Michigan.  He says that he's Afraid that he will follow me to my new house. 

That being said, today when I was visiting my friend ( its also one of the places I've been escaping to) he was there.

He turned into the complex behind me. When I got to the stop sign to go right,  he went left.

I was literally shaking. I left and went straight to my sisters.

We called the police, but of course, nothing they can do. Maybe he was visiting friends.

Could be, but it doesn't make me feel good.

His mom also text me last night, just to say happy new year. I thought about telling her, but he is a momma's boy , so she may jump defensive.

Idk... .  I'm tired to night, and just a little jumpy. I never thought we could go from trying to have a baby, to me watching my back.

[GreenMango]

Happy New Year   

It's great you are making strides out of this.  What you are mentioning with his turning up is quite dangerous.  It's pretty common for this to escalate and its not unheard of for situations like this to turn violent even though you haven't been around.

Since he hasn't been served with his RO it is very important you document this stuff and get the proper authorities involved when you do see him.  Please keep yourself safe and take your dads advice to heart.  Its real easy to fall into the trap that now your not physically living together to think its safer and I don't mean to scare you.  When somebody has issues with control and lacks boundaries it makes for a dangerous person.  Being proactive changing locks, callingthe cops consistently so he knows you will follow thru, and protecting yourself are necessary.

[bpdspell]

Thank you Spell,  it makes 'sense', but I still don't get it. I guess I won't, but that's a good thing. It proves I'm not crazy ( ) . I literally felt like I was losing my mind.  

Scaring someone into being with you, seems pointless.  

But I guess HE doesn't get that.

Smart woman,

Yes. It is crazy making to once be in a passionate love relationship to someone becoming your worst enemy and your attacker but as the articles will tell you your BPD (w/NPD traits) was not experiencing the relationship in the same way that you were.  His flawed character has been with him all along and the controlling narcissist was there way before you came into the picture.  I'm sure that his relationship history is pretty eye opening. BPD's and NPD's hide this part of their character particularly well early on in the idealization stage until the moment we get close and they're triggered. Then all the charm is dropped and your left with a bat-~ crazy character disordered control freak who is blaming you for all of his disordered feelings. Your best bet is to get out now and stay out because he's showing you his dangerous side and your intuition is ringing like a five alarm fire in regards to your safety.

You don't need to understand every little detail of what motivates his antagonistic actions. Just know that they aren't driven by love they're driven by control. My blamed his ex's for the nasty breakups and he called them all kinds of hideous names. I now know who the real culprit was... .  it was him all along.

Give this a read: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161524.0

Spell