Texts from uBPD mom

[mlle24]

I got a series of illogical texts from my uBPD mom today. One really struck me differently.  She's said things in the past that made me believe she was suicidal (or at least wanted me to think she was).  She's told me ":)on't bother, I'm not going to be here tomorrow" (which to a normal person might just sound like a normal comment but in any situation with my mom, it's not really that type of simple statement). 

When I was in high school she started her car in the closed garage, I went out and opened the door, so she drove away and didn't come back for hours.

She has told me more than probably 10 times in the last 3 months "if I weren't suicidal before i am now".

Today she sends a text that reads: "2 hour Baptist funeral.  Death is the way out of your troubles... .  to a better place"

To me this sounds like nothing but suicidal... .  I responded after about 15 minutes of trying to figure out what to say with "hmm... .  ". I know it was probably better to have not responded at all... .  but I didn't know what to do. I mean, what should I have done/do?  My therapist would tell me to tell her "I hope you can stay safe". Because the incidents I listed above when she seemed suicidal are not even the start of the long list of times it's happened.

[UpwardAndOnward]

I have a uBPD mom as well, and I have often wished she was not allowed on txt/email or facebook. Just like you said, her texts and comments are far from how a normal person would be rationally communicating. I dont deal so much with suicidal threats from my mom, but she has constant illness and sicknesses. sometimes i am so strong in not responding to her crazy texts or emails, but other times I just cant help it... .  and also feel obligated to give her a 'hmm... ' response. i dont know what to tell you... .  is your therapists response best, is your response, or is no response? makes us crazy... .  

did your therapist suggest that your mom was a BPD or did you figure it through research on your own?

[mlle24]

did your therapist suggest that your mom was a BPD or did you figure it through research on your own?

I have had 2 therapists, and several psychologists in the past.  My first therapist recognized the patterns of behavior in my mom that coincide with BPD.  The second therapist i began seeing to work on DBT skills/etc to cope with the nature of the beast.  So, although I knew something was wrong I didn't know what to call it/that anyone else in the world suffered like I do.  She's never officially been diagnosed, but it's dead on.

[GeekyGirl]

You know your mother better than any of us, but I would continue to take her threats/comments seriously. Have you talked to your T or anyone else, such as the local authorities, about your mother's comments?

[mlle24]

My T says if I believe her, I should call the police. I've called the cops once in the past and it did not go well.  My mom bolted before the cops could get there because she figured out what was going on (I don't remember how). The cops came to our house and after hearing what I had to say, they looked at me like I was crazy. They found her roaming the streets in of our neighborhood in her car, asked her if she was ok. Of course she said yes, and they came back to the house to tell me that since it wasn't a "direct threat", there wasn't much they could do.

Since these things are texts, I could of course use them as evidence, but I just don't want it to come to that. With as little contact as I've been trying to have with her I don't want to ask "are you suicidal", because I don't want to deal with it. I know that probably sounds selfish but everyone who's close to her is beginning to give up. Not just me.

[mlle24]

When I say I don't want to deal with it, I mean I don't want to deal with the emotional blackmail of her empty threats and manipulation.  It's not the first time this has happened and unfortunately I'm sure it's not the last.  I don't want to make molehills out of mountains, but at the same time it's like the boy who cried wolf. If she's crying out for help, she needs to cry out to someone with a degree in the type of "help" she needs. I cannot be responsible for her emotions.

[Justadude]

My mom sent me an email about killing herself. I called the police and had them do a wellness visit. I haven't heard from her since.

[WiseMind]

did your therapist suggest that your mom was a BPD or did you figure it through research on your own?

I have had 2 therapists, and several psychologists in the past.  My first therapist recognized the patterns of behavior in my mom that coincide with BPD.  The second therapist i began seeing to work on DBT skills/etc to cope with the nature of the beast.  So, although I knew something was wrong I didn't know what to call it/that anyone else in the world suffered like I do.  She's never officially been diagnosed, but it's dead on.

Hi   I am in a similar situation but she hasn't gone so far as to threaten suicide to me. My mom is uBPD and my therapist has helped me to understand the characteristics of BPD and how my mom is pretty spot on BPD. I also can commisserate on wishing my mom wasn't on FB. She is constantly posting passive-aggressive statuses. She posts everything with the hope that it will draw attention to her and people will ask her for more. It is really disgusting. I do not engage her. I ignore, ignore, ignore like you would a child.

[UpwardAndOnward]

Hi   I am in a similar situation but she hasn't gone so far as to threaten suicide to me. My mom is uBPD and my therapist has helped me to understand the characteristics of BPD and how my mom is pretty spot on BPD. I also can commisserate on wishing my mom wasn't on FB. She is constantly posting passive-aggressive statuses. She posts everything with the hope that it will draw attention to her and people will ask her for more. It is really disgusting. I do not engage her. I ignore, ignore, ignore like you would a child. [/quote]
Hi wisemind! the first therapist to suggest my mom had characteristics of a BPD was the first and only therapist I ever saw who also didnt know her and see her too. No coincidence there, because I believe she manipulates every T she see's and stops seeing them if they suggest a diagnosis she doesnt "like." Anyways ever since this suggestion, I have been able to feel a lot of relief in the understanding of her illness. Ive only been on this site 3 days and I cant believe how much better it feels to read people that relate to me... Ive never had that!

I cannot relate more to you with the small child behavior. My mom acts like this constantly- and goes to extreme measures to get attention, both on fb and in person. I completely ignore her (which no one that I know understands how I do it) and that drives her even more crazy. From reading on here, I am thinking my mother has combined characteristics of a NPD as well. Is the attention seeking pretty characteristic of BPD?