how to deal with mood changes

[laelle]

I have been on his good side for about 2 months and today I had to go to the unemployment office.  I was gone longer than I told him that I would be, and when I told him I was back he said well im doing something now.  He came back about an hour later and said he was jumping on skype but asked if the kids were being loud (he had a bad night and dont think he feels good)  I said they were being good but we could wait until they went to bed for us to talk because I could tell he was irritable. and I get an "ok np" which is not one of his usual responses.  I get out of the tub, get dressed and come in here and say im here.  He says I told you its ok, speak to you later.  I know that he probably feels a little abandoned because I was gone so long and for me to go to unemployment here to him says I wont move there.  I know I invalidated him by suggesting we wait to talk because he was already feeling abandoned.  I can tell he is not well today.  :)o I just leave him or try to validate him now?

I worry about how he will react to the changes I have to make.

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[shatra]

Hi

   You could ask him how he felt when you were gone so long, and then validate whatever his feeling is

You wrote

I worry about how he will react to the changes I have to make.

Can you clarify what you mean?

Shatra

[laelle]

If I ask him in the mood he is in now, he will just tell me that I am starting drama.  Would rather let him deal with his own issues and me my insecurity than to invite him to start on me.

I am divorcing and have to plan a life in france while my boyfriend is a british citizen living in spain.  Orginally I was going to join him there, but found out that I could not live there legally unless we get married.  I would love to join him but I cant live there legally and my kids must stay in france.  The only way out of the situation is for him and I to marry, but neither one of us are ready for that.  Its a tough situation.