Im dying here

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Well I guess im back ... .  sheees

I dont know where to start or what to do.ive been on these boards close to 10 months I went past my better judgement tried and listen to x wife of 15 years put my divorce on hold try and work things out this past month.as she asked if we talk some things out .knowing well she had someone else still in the picture shes in a different state away from me and my kids... .  she had said its all superficial with the other and she planned on leaving the whole situation in feb... .  ill see it when I believe it shes been running aroumd behimd his back texting and talking to me everyday telling me she loves me .

Well I tighten the screws a little tell her im kinda tired of playing the game and she needs. A decision she says she doesnt know ... .  im tired should I give her more time.I havent gave her my all was she being sincere. Or am I just overreacting.weve been good we told each other what we want but its not happening fast enough for me

[BP39]

Well I guess im back ... .  sheees

I dont know where to start or what to do.ive been on these boards close to 10 months I went past my better judgement tried and listen to x wife of 15 years put my divorce on hold try and work things out this past month.as she asked if we talk some things out .knowing well she had someone else still in the picture shes in a different state away from me and my kids... .  she had said its all superficial with the other and she planned on leaving the whole situation in feb... .  ill see it when I believe it shes been running aroumd behimd his back texting and talking to me everyday telling me she loves me .

Well I tighten the screws a little tell her im kinda tired of playing the game and she needs. A decision she says she doesnt know ... .  im tired should I give her more time.I havent gave her my all was she being sincere. Or am I just overreacting.weve been good we told each other what we want but its not happening fast enough for me

[Seahorse1]

I see a lot of people posting on here where there SO is involved with some one else... .  

I have not experienced this yet so I don't want to judge as I have not walked in your shoes... .  

I'm working on certain boundaries if I do end up back with my BF and I'm sure one firm boundary would be that another woman could not be in the picture at all... .  

I think we have to be brave enough to set boundaries based on our values and be prepared that we may lose our SO if they cannot respect those boundaries... .  

As I keep reminding my self after many broken promises... .  actions speak louder than words... .  

[waitaminute]

My guess... .  She wants to follow through but it requires decision and commitment. In your experience, was she good at making decisions and keeping her word?

If the other guy is superficial, then it probably translates as"easy". You on the other hand are not "easy" because you actually love her and she, you. So dont be surprised if she can't seem to follow up with action.

You will know when to stop trying. I respect your commitment to your dream. Dreams can come true. But you have read on this board how difficult the pursuit of the dream can be. If you're gonna keep trying, be strong. Don't get lost.

[DivDad]

Blines don't have a whole lot of emphathy. My exBLP was unfaithful many times.  She only repented after being caught.  Repented again after being caught again.  etc etc.

Blines love to be chased by the opposite sex. They are known for not committing to anything. Especially their spouse or partner. 

Marriage and relationships are a means to THEIR end.  A means to their own agenda.

They are so convincing.

They thirve on being the center of attention.   sans you around.

Don't torture yourself.

If they are unfaithful once... .  that is your ticket out of the relationship.  It's something that you can take the initiative on.  Don't be fooled.  Blines are great actors. 

If you stay... .  you will only see repeated episodes.  Don't think that love will win out.

Love is a two way street... .  and Blines are incapable of giving or receiving genuine love.

Get out.

[OTH]

BP,

What do you want? Should your post be on the undecided board? This is the detaching board. Probably not the best place to ask this question if you plan on trying again. 

Why does she have to wait until February if she wants to come back?

How are you doing? Did you and the kids do OK over the holidays? How have things been going at home without her?

[BP39]

Oth .yes ive bounced boards but always made this my home. You and waitaminute know my story from way back in last spring... I let it go went on with my life then I let her see the kids in nov and me and her caught a little fire about eqch other... .  we are in different states 500 miles apart a long long long history 2 kids.and 15 years in this dance.this isnt a gf or bf thing and none of this behavior is new to me besidee having it put in my face last spring and summer... .  pretty much every story on here ive done 15 times over... she didnt see our kids age 11 and 6 for 8 months as I got custody and laid strong boundaries about her haveing this turd around my babys I did not budge and I won she came alone.and we spent time together.

The kids are fine they still love her.its just me and her have to work out our issues.which means me being easy since she is still there in the other state.until I can get her home and lay down firm ones.I cant push her into a its a him or me right now... I can though take myself out of the high school game that WEare playing behind this asss back with the I love yous and our secret meets and talks.im the shes running around with.we love each other no doubht.she only can give what she can even after our talk today about her not knowing its been I love you 3 times since then .I got into an accident and she checked in on me twice... idk sometimes I think can I try with her again knowing the face of this loser was there does he matter not in our honeymoonphase or if we spent an ample amout of time together.I think she will forget about him... .  but one thing she will always be back.I shut her down to nc at all for 3montys this summer.quick yes or no about the kids or its not your concern ... I can fight and diagnose this behavior.but the inner personi have a dynamicand deep bond with as she does me... .  this is why I say im dying the non in me has been battle tested.and at times I cannot countue the fight.

She will be back as sure as the sun comes up... qnd some times my story is too deep for some members ive been dealing with this since some of them were toddlers and in elementary school... .  but I do appreciate everyones and I mean everyones comments... .  waitaminute you kinda hit the nail on the head.  Ty seahorse oth and dvidad.you guys really picked me up out of a bad space.just by replying .y

[BP39]

The people she lives with and works for are going to mexico for a month.a nd her and the turd are going for a week she plans on leaving while the people are away so she doesnt have to face them bc shes coming to painted black and smeared me.plus shes in debt to them true BPD actions

[OTH]

Is it easier with her around for the kids?  I understand you can't make demands. She has to make that decision herself. What keeps the door open for you?

[whatarideout]

Well I tighten the screws a little tell her im kinda tired of playing the game

i noticed your signature reads "i finally see the light-she will never change".

i would have a conversation with myself as to why im willing to put myself back in a toxic situation knowing nothing will change. that's like watching the same movie over and over again but hoping for a different ending.

regardless of how many times i fast forward, rewind, pause or even use different dvd players("tighten the screws", the story follows the same path up until the end.

not only that, but she has been unfaithful to her "superficial situation" by texting you behind his back.

another thing you can add to your list of "unchangeable" behaviours is cheating.

always remember, if they do it with you, they'll do it to you!

[Blazing Star]

Hi BP,

I admit your story isn't familiar to me, but I like some of the comments about shifting the focus to you. Have you done any work around the Whys and Whats of your attraction to someone who struggles to commit to you?

It sounds like you may be feeling impatient for things to move (either way, together or divorce), I imagine it must be hard to be in the somewhat limbo land you are in now.

I relate to the 'wanting it to work', and I do believe there is a certain amount of surrender/radical acceptance needed when this is the case.

Have you thought about your deal-breakers and boundaries when considering being with her again?

Love Blazing Star