Does a high stress job make the symptoms of BPD worse?

[Mistified247]

Hi All,

As I am gradually working my way to a better place, there are a few things I wanted reinforcement on to get on with my life, knowing that there was nothing else I could have done. One of the open questions is whether a high stress job made the symptoms of my ex's BPD worse? Is this possible? I was looking back on all the terrible things that went on, and thought that her behaviour got even worse when she changed jobs to longer hours and higher stress. Could this be related, or is it a coincidence? Has anyone else had a similar experience? I always thought that it took time for the smoke screen to lift of the BPD traits, so after around a year of a relationship they began to show. Her family also broke apart in the third year, which was around the time that I was already beginning to tire and stress about the relationship.

I remember during the breakup, when she was begging me to stay, she even offered to change jobs. Then I randomly jump and remember other parts of the relationship.  I remember when I was extremely upset about something (her relationship with my family), she simply dismissed my feelings and angst, and told me to 'man up, and stop being so pathetic.' That's hardly the words of someone who truly cares for you... .  Yet for some reason, I just keep thinking about the day I broke up with her, how upset she was, how she showed me photos of the good times to get me to stay. Ironically in relation to all those photos, there was a bad memory linked to it.

Sorry to digress and thanks for listening.

Mistified247

[Rose Tiger]

It seems to me that a person with BPD feels more comfortable with something to be stressed out about.  Family breaking up is probably harder than usual to deal with, a death in the family can really cause the disorder to tailspin.

As the relationship progresses, the resentment against the partner builds and builds, doesn't matter the job, the weather, the stock market.  They can't stop associating your 'badness' with their feelings of angst.

We the partner try to analyze what went wrong, what we could of done to help it be successful.  There really is nothing we can do from stopping the disorder from playing out.  On the staying board, the goal is to detach from them and build a life aside from them because they can't be emotionally supportive.  You must remain emotionally grounded for them.  Everything is about them and it's very lopsided.  It's a very lonely position for the non to be in.

[mitchell16]

My BPDGF has lived in some kind of stressful thing all the time. She gave new meaning to mountain out of a mole hill. Some of the things she would tell me she was stressing out over, I would just think inside myself, Really. But I then started relizing that they cant live in a calm, stress free enviorment, everything has to be the end of the world to them. And it always became an excuse to get rid of me. Mine was alway imagning something was wrong with everything.

[daybreak]

Many are extreme "workaholics" and are virtually driven.  They use work to stay busy or self-medicate so to speak.  It's a coping mechanism they use not to deal with or think about their lives and personal issues and/or lose control.

[hithere]

I have read other threads about this on the forum.  Yes stress seems to always make BPD worse and with my exBPD she created 90% of the stress herself.

[SWLSR]

Yes it does they usally go through extremes on this they are either heavily into there work or not at all wanting a job.