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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Silent treatment...  (Read 1330 times)
angel123

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 29


« Reply #30 on: January 09, 2013, 11:25:47 AM »

OffTheTopRope – I used to get those excuses too. . . “oh I didn’t respond to your text because I wasn’t around my phone” or when he realized I was getting really angry at the treatment, he would say “well I was going to call you today”. Really LIAR?

Bb12 –I completely agree with you. They are cowards. When I unleashed everything I had inside of me out in anger yesterday that’s what I called him. I called him a coward and a punk! It felt good. I told him his behavior was not that of a real man, but rather one of a little boy coward punk. I also told him he required more work than my toddler does with his tantrums.

I understand I should not give him a reaction out of anger but you know what? It has felt good! It has felt good to finally let it all hang out and tell him exactly what I think of this behavior without being fearful of his reactions and whether or not he talked to me ever again because I simply do not care. I told him “you wanna see a bully, you wanna see what psychological warfare on a person feels like, well here ya go” and I ripped him up one side and down the other. I don’t mean to sound so vicious but after 2 ½ years, it felt good.

I know I will stop all of it but I needed to get it out. He kept saying please stop saying these things but I didn’t. I didn’t stop until I got everything out of me. It feels good because this time around, I’m not going to be the one who feels guilty for my feelings and the things I’ve said. It’s clearer than it ever has been to me this person is controlling, manipulative and a LIAR. Urgh.

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Surnia
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 8 y married, divorced since 2012-11-22
Posts: 3900



« Reply #31 on: January 09, 2013, 01:38:03 PM »

Hi angel123

I feel your frustration and anger about his tantrums and silent treatment.

How familiar are you with BPD?

I would suggest you this:

How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves

Arguing - don't engage.

So you are not living together?

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“Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand on your sacred ground.”  Brené Brown
Seahorse1
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 278



« Reply #32 on: January 09, 2013, 05:38:49 PM »

The silent treatment is his "gift" for you to work on your self... .  For you to get back in balance... .  For you to remember the person you were before you met him... .  

Or... .  

It is a time for you to be anxious... .  Depressed... .  Stressed ... .  Obsessed... .  

Having done the latter for six months on and off I'm now doing the former... .  

And loving the hell out of it... .  

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