My long story in short form... . (about my uBPDw)
I have spent most of my time in the staying board. I have beeen married for almost 5 years and my wife and I have no kids. It just been a rough road for me... . Long story short I am just tired of the abuse emotionally, spirituality and a few times physically. I have tried to changed myself, but I can no longer allow myself to be offended and hurt. I am also afraid there has been to much damage done. I have been in counseling for myself, my wife in counseling, and we on our second marriage counselor(she bailed on the first). I am a fairly religious person(marriage to death), but now feel there are exceptions to every rule. I have talked to several priest(some know my wife) that have told me to leave. My first counselor told me to leave and our first marriage counselor said there was something wrong with my wife and we would never have a normal marriage(even if my wife gets more counseling, meds and therapy. Just this past week my personal counselor finally said there was little hope at least for what I wish to have(with is far more simplistic of what I wanted when I said I do several years ago).
That being said my wife how no idea how hurt and screwed up this are. We meet with the marriage counselor again in about 2 weeks. I am trying to get myself in order before that point. No sure if I will let my wife know at this point out not. Although I know life is going to really suck of the next couple months, does anyone have suggestion on preparing for this?
Hello Mike,
Welcome to the leaving board. I'm so sorry that it has come to this point. You've got some tough decisions to make but there's no way to be fully prepared when deciding to exit. I think it all boils down to being ready to get up from the table because you're full. Leaving is an emotional decision requires a shift in your awareness that things will not get better. The Leaving board is about gradually learning how to detach from this experience and hopefully never have it happen again.
It's not an easy decision to leave someone with BPD. You will feel the FOG: Fear, Obligation, and Guilt. You will want to backtrack. But if your wife is truly BPD there is nothing in your power that you can do to fix that. She needs to fix herself and learn how to cope with her mental illness. The odds are a long shot because most people who suffer with BPD are not willing to face their inner pain.
You have no children and that's a serious plus in my opinion. There are people who have created families with their BPD's and their stories are hellish. You can walk away from this knowing that you gave it all you can and knowing that you gave your wife your best.
Keep posting and keep reading but more importantly start learning how to take better care of yourself.
Spell
