Somebody that I used to know

[Elsegundo]

Tonight, as I was out and about in my neighborhood, same one as my ex wBPD, I realized that the longing that's left is for someone that I haven't experienced time with in months, even within our r/s.  I realized I'm mourning that loss bc the girl with all the push-pull, gaslighting, raging, withdrawing, silent treatment, FOG-inducement isn't for me, and isn't missed.  I felt sad for both of these parts of her.  It's sad that as high functioning, smart, and capable she is, she stopped therapy; but there's nothing I can do to change that-- it's up to her to do her work.  It's not my sad to hold.

Im glad to be turning a corner.  Anyone else been here?

[smartwoman220]

(( hugs))   I coming up behind you.  BUT... .  it feels awesome to be headed in the right direction ! 

[cookiecrumbled]

I am definitely not there, but I am glad for you and it gives hope to those of us still in tears.

[LuckyEscapee]

Love your subject title, that pulls at my heart strings  :'(

They have all the pieces of wonderful, else we wouldn't have fell so hard, put up with so much. But those pieces are scrambled with a side order of broken glass so yes, it comes to a point when enuf is enuf.

I've taken to celebrating far more than commiserating too.

Enjoy your well earned corner

[Tausk]

E:  glad to hear that you're moving forward. it's truly exhilarating when we find those moments not filled with despair over our exes.  

I hate to rain on your parade, but I have found that these good moment pass, and  I have found that the recovery is very cyclical.   I can't control my feelings and some days I'm just back to being a raging maniac. So it's important for me, not so much to try and hold those emotions of freedom, but to remember that I once felt freedom from fear and anger, when I'm again lost in the disorder.  I've been surprised at how angry I've been and how much I want revenge, or how much I want closure, even after days of clarity out of the FOG and disorder.  

But it really helps to remember,  CLEARLY REMEMBER, that I had feelings of freedom and clarity at one point, and I can regain those feelings if I continue to work.  And I have to remember when I'm in the disorder, that I honestly know that the feelings of freedom from anger and fear are where it is best for me.  And that helps me to move through the difficult times when they come back or are triggered.  Recovery and grieving are cyclical, but it's the long term trends that count

P.S.  Clearly the song is a BPD r/s.  I have to admit that in my more angry days I used to sing the song with the lyrics, "sociopath that I used to know."  Sometimes I still do it now, to remind me that I'm better off today free from direct contact with the disorder.

In support,

SP

[almost789]

The title here is so true. Somebody i used to know. Past tense. Ive not seen that person i used to know and never will again because it was all an illusion.