no direction?

[wowjer]

I do not know if this is the right place to post, but I have had a question about my uBPDexw that leads me to wonder if it is part of the disorder. 

My now ex wife who left yet again for another man 5 months ago has always had a problem with deciding any sort of future work.

I was with her for 10 years *on and off* and have 2 kids with her.  When we began dating, she was in college and I was working on my graduate degree.  Since she has never been able to decide on any sort of future profession. 

In 10 years she has gone through wanting to be a fashion designer, respiration therapist, xray tech, art teacher, paralegal, emt/paramedic, car sales, nurse, midwife, and on and on.  Now, she has this thought that she is going to be a personal trainer/yoga instructor.  It doesnt matter to me now as we are no longer together.  I just always thought it was quite odd.  I find the personal trainer thing entertaining though because she has only ever been to the gym 2 times in her life, she doesnt like to exercise, and has only ever done yoga a few times when we were together.  She has been serving tables for 12 years and always talked about NOT wanting to serve tables, but she could never decide and stick with a goal.  She always found problems with everything that she thought she wanted to do and then quit. 

Has anybody else experienced this or could she some light on this possibly being part of the disorder? 

[afterdeath]

i attribute that to her having no clue about self identity ... they need to emulate someone to fill the void of their own self knowledge ... they do not know who they truly are.they are almost like copycat ninjas

i was amazed at how easily and rapidly my ex could change and mimmick someone else's personality and become that person to fit in... .  disturbing

or she just hasn't found her calling to what she enjoys and is good at?

[FoolishOne]

I concur... .  my dBPDw began smoking when she started dating my replacement (at the time).  Amazing how they'll adapt and accommodate to become the "perfect" mate.  I remember when she met, she suddenly became a baseball fan (since I play baseball)... .  and I recall many other adaptations to her personality to make herself more attractive to me.

[seeking balance]

Many non disordered people change work fields.

Specific to BPD... .  jobs invariably produce stress... .  stress makes people dysregulate.  So, dysregulated behavior tends to lead towards firing... .  which reinforces the severe shame pwBPD feel.  To avoid the shame and abandonment a career change is the coping method of choice perhaps.

That would be my 2 cents on it.

[wowjer]

I have thought about this more.  From what i can obtain in my own analysis (which has been wrong), there is NO IMMEDITATE gratification in any other field.  Serving allows her to fancy herself up, have simple rules to follow, and receive TIPS.  I met her when i was a server before i went onto something bigger and being a server is a whole world of living as a 20-24 year old.  Nightlife, party, drinking, tips, cash money, no responsibilities.  However, now we have 2 kids and she DREAMS of living the same life. 

Damn i feel bad for my kids.