Things that help...

[really]

Hi guys,

I am a year out and am still struggling with a lot of it... .  

I have just started a 60 day juice fast to try to help my body nutritionally as much as possible, am exercising more now (some injuries have prevented that recently) and I am re-engaging in therapy.   Am also trying to read as much as possible on mindfulness / ego issues.   I am going to start journaling again as well as too often I succomed to contacting my ex and expressing my feelings in emails which only made things worse and I felt hurt when I got abusive messages back or the silent treatment.

I would love to hear from others about some specific things that people have done that have helped.

I am sure that all of the above will help me make inroads on my healing process but if anyone has tips I would greatly appreciate it.

[ambi]

What about some fun?  I have picked up some of my old hobbies.  I make sure I get out of the house with friends.  I'm finding my sense of humor again. 

[Forestaken]

No Contact is the best for me.

I'm going to try meetup, something I found out here.  There was a running group I saw online, so I went by to see what kind of people they were. They looked like a great group of folks.

Take a trip, explore somewhere you X would never allow you to go.

[yeeter]

I joined a basketball league.  It gives me exercise, but also is very social because they are all people I see in the community already.  So a social outing combined with exercise.   

[TeaAmongRoses]

Being accepting of myself. This means relaxing the internal pressure I usually experience of not being good enough, or flawed in other ways. I recently learned about a personality trait: Highly Sensitive Person and found that it explains a lot of my uniqueness that I had thought was flaw: needing A LOT of rest to process stuff other people seem to be able to just handle, being highly bothered by television in the background, and generally super responsive to other people's needs at the cost of my own.

[Whatwasthat]

Restorative Yoga. It's very precise and slow and reaches parts of your nervous system and psyche that are probably hard to access in other ways. It gives me the feeling of 'unwinding' my mind very thoroughly, stretching my body completely and getting my sense of self back on the level.

[Take2]

Increasing my gym workouts to 5 days a week... .    working out before work (where I still have to deal with uBPDexbf) - definitely helps... .  although many days I wish I could to the gym at lunchtime also!   

Also spending time my with almost-5-year-old... .    this kid is THE best... .  and thank GOD she isn't his... .     

She reminds me daily what truly matters in life.  Even when I head home from work feeling completely shattered and hopeless, she turns it around for me... .   

[yeeter]

Also spending time my with almost-5-year-old... .    this kid is THE best... .  

I'm sorry Take2, but your 5 year old is only fourth best.  (My S8, D6, and D4 are #1 through 3, with the order depending on what day it is... .  )

[Take2]

Ha!   to all of that... .      kids rock.  (Well, yours, mine... .  really?  not all of them... .  hahaha)

[yeeter]

They DO!   Absolutely amazing what a hug from a 5yo can do in terms of healing the mind and soul... .   

I tell each of my children every day:  'I love you.  I will always love you'

Such a simple thing, but I'm sure they are going to remember and appreciate it for their entire lives

[Vatz]

Already mentioned this but I'll skip the shallow, negative and narcissistic reasons.

But I LOVE lifting weights. It's the very best. I mean I love the burn I get, and lifting till I am practically blue in the face with fatigue. I also LOVE the feeling I get when lifting a certain weight becomes REAL easy, and I savor it because right after a set I move up in weight never to go back down unless I've been away for long (Something I don't want to ever do again.)

It helps me forget where I am, and where I've been that day. The only thing that matters is the next rep while I'm lifting, and the next set while resting. If there's a mirror, I look at form, lift and move symmetrically, and just plain watch myself. When I lift, my brain is full of all them good chemicals, so I for once I look good to myself in the mirror. But in that moment I don't think "well this is just because I'm in a good mood" or "Well, for once I look good" or something like that. I just think it and my brain doesn't question in.

When I'm at the weights I am FOCUSED. If I got the right music playing I'm hyped and just rearing to go. If I'm listening to the "wrong" music I either just switch out, OR my head just lets it fit with the mood.

When I'm  lifting weights I feel like I'm really just being me, that this is who I am, this is where I belong and it's the only true expression of self-love that I have. Yup, lifting is MY version of "self-love" when I think about it. Sure, I love games, and sometimes a good book is stimulating (boy there are some books that leave me with dry mouth I get so into reading them.)

This is something I feel that helps. If I do it enough, for a long enough span of time, like a year, two years, three years then it might actually just SHOW that the gym is where I've been. It'll be my biggest accomplishment. It's my goal, it's my big mission. I even signed up at a site where I can talk to support groups with motivation and technique, etc.

Anyway, kind of a long-winded response, but I felt REALLY enthusiastic about posting this one.

[Blazing Star]

Getting in touch with my Joy again, sounds simple, but at one point I was at a loss how to do this, so I wrote lists of things that used to make me happy, and started doing them. Now I have a little book full of Happy Lists, sometimes merely reading the lists makes me feel happy!

[maria1]

Turning my phone off for whole days. Not going on this site for whole days (my latest goal!). Reading (not enough). Walking on my own (NEVER done that before). Clearing out my disordered house.

Spending time with my children in a different way to how I did before. I think i never properly enjoyed it before and not just because of BPDex but because I've been grieving the loss of the dream of 2.4 kids happy ever after family. Now I like what I have.

Just being with friends and making new friends helped me reconnect with myself. I think we need to get to know ourselves. I'm just about to read a book about connecting with my inner child. I think that's what we are all trying to do in our recovery from what I see on here.