The Hidden Blessing

[Lady31]

I am sitting here reflecting on who I am today and who I was in my early 20s.

I had a long on & off relationship with my 1st love in my 20s.  It was apparent then that I was extremely codependent.  The things I tolerated as he broke up with me every few months over the course of 6 years to chase after other women are just plain pathetic and disgusting.  NO WONDER this guy treated me that way!  I let him and behaved like I had no value whatsoever.

People aren't going to respect us if we don't respect ourselves. 

He did not have BPD, just wasn't the greatest of men.   

The hidden blessing in this place I have been in with my now uBPDh - I have grown to see my value.  I have grown to have a back bone!  I have found PEACE in the midst of chaos!

It has been a hard road and I am still on it, but actually it is the best thing ever!  Even when my heart hurts and I am sad, I have PEACE & HOPE for a wonderful abundant life.  There truly is a difference in us when we BELIEVE in who God created us to be, we believe we ARE that person, and even when we are rejected - we have the ability to not take it into ourselves and personally.  No other person or their problems define me - now that is some growth people!

Currently I am living with my BPDh and he is wanting a divorce - AGAIN.  I know, no shock huh?  BUT! I have found that peace that surpasses all understanding.  I am so thankful for the love of the Father, and in the dark places He has met me and taught me.  I have found how to get the healing in my soul, mind & spirit. 

I have to say that even though things aren't what they should be in our marriage - I have found that secret place of wholeness & joy.  I expect amazing things!  Even faced with daily rejection from my H - it does not penetrate my being anymore.  I am FREE! 

There is a way to live in joy and peace - and wholeness - even in the midst of the storm.

Now I am learning to stay in that peace and joy when I don't know the outcome or the answer - or the "next step!"  I don't want a patchwork of wholeness & joy only when things are good - I want to learn to stay in that rest & peace through the whole journey with the trust and peace that it will ALL work for my GOOD.

So grateful for grace and peace that goes beyond the natural understanding.  I am glad this experience and journey is taking me to a stronger place!  I can't wait to see what good things are in store - regardless of what my H does or doesn't do.

Be filled with HOPE for the future guys - it is BRIGHT!

Here's to freedom, and the One who will never fail us. I   my Father.

[Rose Tiger]

Amen! My faith has been so important through this process, too.  So many tears alone in the bathroom saying "God did you see that?"  Sometimes said it standing right next to ex.    Book of Job, he finally starts asking "Why?".  Sometimes there are no answers, simply trust.  Walk out to the end of the branch, ok, did it.  Now turn around and cut it off... .  and trust. 

[Jay08]

What a great post. Well said. You may not be in your early 20's anymore, but the bright side is you didnt put up with more countless years of this and saved yourself some precious time.

And a great lesson of value to be learned. Self-respect is more important than the fear of loneliness. We will all move on one day, and when that day comes the best feeling is knowing you had enough pride to walk away from them, whether you left them or vice versa. Dont beg for them back, and dont go backwards in life for somebody who didnt think you were good enough the first time.

[dancinginthelight]

Definitely a word in season Lady31

Ive been reading my bible today and I felt the Lord saying to me,

"His grace is sufficiant for me" at this troubled time.  I am able, with Gods strength

to carry on, even if I never find out all the answers.

God wants me to know that he has been watching over everything in my life.

I have to rejoice in Him in spite of the broken places.

There are hidden treasures even in the darkness