Descriptions of the Mentally Ill on the News

[mikmik]

Am I a hypocrite?

I will write things, and spill and spew on this board about my dd19 and all the struggles of BPD.  I know it is the point of this board... .  I

HOWEVER, when I listen to all the political folk, newsmen, experts, gun advocates, etc, refer to the mentally ill as

Kooks, nuts, savages, crazy, etc, I get SOO angry.  How dare they be so cruel.  No wonder we all want to hide and not come out to seek help for our kids.  Only I can call her those things... .  

Does anyone else feel the same way?  Does this make you want to hide further, or is anyone sparked to take a step forward and demand treatment for those suffering for any mental illness? 

mik

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[griz]

I am right there with you Mikmik.  I even flinch a little when I hear someone say things like, what are you mental or sick in the head.  I know they think of it as a joke, so I say nothing but it always hurts a little inside.

Griz

[Survive2012]

I have the same feelings!

And, when you ask for help, all the family is treated as "wrong". It seems we have done something to "deserve" this.

It is so very sad for all the mentally ill people and their families. It is so unfair.

Survive

[lbjnltx]

No Mikmik,

I don't think you are a hypocrite.  You come from a place of frustration underpinned with love, compassion and knowledge... .  

The public comes from a place of ignorance and judgement.

 

[qcarolr]

No Mikmik,

I don't think you are a hypocrite.  You come from a place of frustration underpinned with love, compassion and knowledge... .  

The public comes from a place of ignorance and judgement.

 

And great fear -- that someone they know will be the next victim of violence

The other thing that comes to my mind is most of the violence with guns are young men (17 - 25) -- delusional, hallucinating, not being adequately treated or self-treating with drugs and alcohol (often mixed with the rx meds if under psychiatric care  ). I also have  gut feeling that many of these young men HAVE been exposed to psychiatric interventions, loving parents-teachers-etc. When I think back on all the guys close to DD over the past 10 years, most all of them fit into this descripton in some way. No wonder she wants her little girl to be 'toughened up' to face this harsh world. Clash of titans - my perspective of loving kindness vs. her's of fear based discipline. She practices this with the dogs too, and well, most others in her life. Very manipulative and in her mind totally justified to be 'safe' in her world. Trust NO ONE.

Also need to look at the emphasis on media's impact on mental illness - a lot about this in the news as well. IMHO, genetics plays a very big role in 'causing' the mental illness, and potential for how it plays out in an individual's life. Lot of people are exposed to video games, movies, music, etc and manage to get through their 20's intact and become contibuting members of the world. It is quite impossible to legislate away all these risk factors. How do we 'think outside the box'? Well, have to find ways to manage our fears first. How do we facilitate this? One person at a time - if everyone took an interest in one other troubled person, what would our world look like?

So here is my vent on this for today. Looking forward to hearing what others have to say.

qcr  

[griz]

qcarolr:

You just reminded me of something my dad would say to me when I was little (he is now 87).  He used to tell me "When you put your head on the pillow at night to go to sleep and you know you did at least one thing nice for someone else that day, than you had a good day".

I never forget that, every day of my life and it is funny because those of us who suffer are the most likely I find to do this.  I think we are just more compassionate. 

Griz

[almostvegan]

Those of us in this special club who live with mental illness know its not funny at all.

I too get upset when I hear people say " you need some Prozac " or something along those lines.

Thing is I don't think people really intend on being mean or cruel. They simply are ignorant. But just as we would never make a racial or sexist slur in " polite company" anymore, maybe in 20/30 years society will be more understanding about how hurtful this is too. Maybe one day saying "he's just kookoo" will be as un-pc as using a racial slur.

We can hope right?

We never know what others are going through. I try to always assume the person I'm talking to is going through a rough time. That way I am more apt to respond to them with kindness and understanding.

Peace always

AV

[twojaybirds]

I call people out and corrrect them everytime I hear it... even in line to strangers (if it feels safe.)  I'ss say, things like,  I dont think they are crazy but may have a mental health concern"  or something like that.  I find it shuts most people up. 

[mikmik]

I agree with all the straight-forward replies to this thread.  It is painful to live this every day, and we are indeed a unique club, and we have paid our dues well in advance.  It is the uninformed who drive the media, and push us into the dark.  All from fear, as most things are.  But, does that not call us to come into the light, so to speak, and rally our cause?  What stops us?  I am one of those who is "stopped".  But, as of late, find myself, speaking a bit more honestly about my dd19.  Not fully, to be sure, but more and more so.  I have found in doing so, that there are so many, who we work next to, who we socialize with, who carry a burden, not so dissimalar to our own.  Mental illness touches most everyone.  And we are all looking for allies.

mik

[griz]

I am just learning to speak up and speak out.  I fully admit that I hid what was going on out of embarassment.  How horrible of me and I feel so quilty knowing that so many times I told lies because I was embarassed to say my daughter suffered from a mental illness.  Even as I write this the tears are welling up in my eyes because I so hate myself for this.  I think back to when DD first started and I would meet with teachers and school and I would be so upset.  Even though my experience with DD's school was often one of compassion and understanding I always felt like I had a big sign over my head that said I was defective.  When I look back at this I realize that if DD had a physical issue and I had to meet with the school I probably would not be upset at all. 

I am slowly learning to accept and be okay with what is.  I do not lie anymore. I don;t make up stories to cover up the truth.  The other night I was at a meeting where a few people know that DD has been going through a rough time for the past two years.  One of them came up to me and inquired how she was doing and I thanked him for asking and said.  She is doing okay, somedays are good, somedays are not good but I also briefly explained that she has been dx with BPD and that we are doing all we can to help her.  He told me he had never heard of it and it was pretty amazing that I could see the geniuine caring in his eyes.  When we left he said to me if there is anything I can ever do call me... .  even if you just need a cup of coffee. 

Griz

[momontherun]

I have had a few friends with mental illness when I was a teen but didn't recognize what it was at the time just that they were different from everyone else and never really thought about it. When someone would act irrational we would say "oh just take a chill pill" which was an alert that we felt they were going too far.

Now I see the other side and its very personal, I get very offended with the "jokes" and try to rationalize it as their uncomfort with it.  I do see more and more people speaking out about their own struggles and more tv shows addressing mental illness. The interview with Charlie Sheen on the Dr Oz show was very enlightening to me and was astounded seeing many people in the audience nodding their heads recognizing most of his sx's. I didn't really get into watching Dexter (too far for my taste) but am looking forward in the new one coming out soon - Do No Harm. I think these shows are a way to start educating people that don't want to hear about it or don't think they can relate.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Eclaire5]

Yes, I too get quite offended when people with mental health issues are depicted that way in the media. The problem with BPD is that it’s not even recognized the same way other diagnoses are. When people are diagnosed with an Axis I disorder then they are considered mentally ill, however, with a personality disorder, they are not since it is a “character flaw”. Are you kidding me?  Maybe the other personality disorders fall under that category, but we all know too well how pervasive and detrimental BPD can be. Many of our children will be able to barely function on their own, just like people with Bipolar, Schizophrenia or severe clinical depression, but they are still not categorized as mentally ill unless they have an Axis 1 diagnosis. 

[almostvegan]

There should be a law: no producer/ director may make a film or show about mention illness until they spend a week in one of our homes! Hollywood can NEVER do justice to the hell we live with.

I guess the only way to eradicate ignorance is to speak out about our loved ones. Maybe one day the stigma will be gone. Here's to hoping.

AV

[lbjnltx]

Yes, I too get quite offended when people with mental health issues are depicted that way in the media. The problem with BPD is that it’s not even recognized the same way other diagnoses are. When people are diagnosed with an Axis I disorder then they are considered mentally ill, however, with a personality disorder, they are not since it is a “character flaw”. Are you kidding me?  Maybe the other personality disorders fall under that category, but we all know too well how pervasive and detrimental BPD can be. Many of our children will be able to barely function on their own, just like people with Bipolar, Schizophrenia or severe clinical depression, but they are still not categorized as mentally ill unless they have an Axis 1 diagnosis. 

Sad... .  and true.  In plain TEXAN... .  that is jacked up!

[griz]

AV:  I think that is a marvelous idea.  What if there was a way to do this.  There is a company that does documentaries and they are based in New York City.  I wonder if we could some how get some kind of funding to pay for the production.  I think I am going to look into if we could write a grant even though we are not really an organization... .  or are we (anyone know the answer to that).

What if they really spent time with us and maybe even with our loved ones.  The world would see us in a totally different light.

Griz

[vivekananda]

I think if they spent some time participating in this website, that should give them insight enough. I don't think they would come into our homes and our lives and not try to be 'balanced' and see both sides. So often our pw BPD is so persuasive that unless there is the experience of years with them, it would seem to an outsider that they really aren't that dysfunctional. I think we would be disappointed as they applied their judgements upon us. In short, I wouldn't trust them - unless they were parents and had someone with BPD in their lives and they were as experienced as we are in coping with it.

I would prefer someone did a PhD in what it means to be a parent of a child with BPD.

I believe the media referred to by mikmik are populist. They are about using emotive language and being emotionally manipulative in order to influence the general discussion by diverting attention and clouding the issues. And yes, here in Aust I have noticed the tenor of the discusion in USA and felt offended when some jerk referred to the 'loonies'. I could exactly how he was trying to cloud the issue - it's easy to do from a distance.

Vivek    

[almostvegan]

I was only half serious ... .  But it is a great idea.

[mikmik]

almostvegan,

Sometimes the only half serious suggestions lead to the greatest things happening.  And Dear Griz, if you could get some indy film maker to take this on... with honesty and compassion... .  it could be great.

mik

[lbjnltx]

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=188609.0

[jojospal]

Whenever I'm on the computer and come across such language in reference to Mental Illness, I take the time to write in my feelings about it. One newspaper columnist even responded back to me with a bit of an apology, and afterwards, I noticed a big difference in his  subsequent columns whenever an issue with MI hit the news.He educated himself, as I had asked him to do.

I think I wrote to him that we don't call black people n's anymore, or Irish people Mics, ( He has an Irish name)- why do the media get away with calling a large group in our society, nut-balls, psychos,and crazy? People with Mental health issues and their families struggle every day to make it in this world. The name calling perpetuates the stigma, and thus stops people from seeking the help that they need. It hurts too.

I love the internet and every news network has a comment section or an e-mail.

[mikmik]

jojoapal,

You go girl!

mik

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[vivekananda]

That's my jojospal! With good people standing up for what is right in this world - we'll get there 

thank you jojo,

Vivek    

[mikmik]

Regarding the film to give light to BPD, there was a documentary on Public Television called Refrigerator Mothers, on autism.  It was so enlightening and so full of honesty and compassion and truth.  But, in so many ways, pwBPD are not as loveable as pwAutism.  If they could see the glimpses of our kids, and how this horrible monster takes them over... .  maybe that would be the start of getting some serious $$$ behind research.

[Reality]

Yikes!  Up here, it is a bit different.  You don't hear the silly comments so much; however,people look at you with shock if you mention BPD or other issues.  I almost feel sorry for them.

Reality

[radioguitarguy]

Mik Mik... .  you are right on the money! Because it's not a medical issue that can treated with an antibiotic, it's not understood by a good percentage of the population. We have some very dear, well educated friends who tune right out when we bring up our DS 28. They either don't want to know about the hardships he's facing or they're extremely uncomfortable with the topic of mental illness. I've heard, as I'm sure you have too along the way, "C'mon, mental illness, what a croc! They say their brains are wired differently? What a bunch of crap! Those whack jobs just use it as an excuse. All they have to do is stop thinking that way and act like the rest of us and they'll be fine"! Sound familar? Why would anyone want to educate themselves about mental illness unless it's touched them personally.

Sadly I continue to see how the insurance companies refuse treatment for mental illness. Luckily our son is on Medicaid, so his therapy and meds are all taken care of. But I remember a couple of times spending hours in the hospital's ER "crises intervention" seclusion rooms with him waiting hours for a social worker to plead our case to the insurance company. Your almost treated like an outcast... .  an embarrassment. If your an adult with a mental illness and have no insurance... .  forget about it... .  the psychiatrist, social worker, or the ER staff can't do a thing for you... .  and if you're homeless, you're released back to the streets. Keeping in mind that the reason you don't have a job is usually because you can't hold onto one because of your MENTAL ILLNESS! Sorry mikmik, you just happened to strike a nerve.

RG

[cfh]

RG

I've had a bad day so I'm emotionally drained but you are so right!  Such ignorance of MI and its impact on everyone's lives is horrifying.  And if you don't have the money to pay for treatment you are out of luck. 

So frustrating!

[lovesjazz]

I agree that people look down on the mentally ill. I have very critical family members who I wont even discuss our ds with. I stick with people who understand. Yet in a way I understand my family since ds has done so much to hurt us.

In fact, I can detect some mental illness in some of them. They dont know I teach NAMI family to family course. How sad is that!