A step in a new terrible direction.

[romancandle]

So one of my worst fears came to fruition last night. My partner in frustration with our toddler started screaming and cursing at him and then took his drink and slammed it on the dinner table in front of him and then threw it across the room splattering it all over the dining room.  She then proceeded to tell me she is tired of being a parent and that I better enjoy being a single dad because she is done and left for a while.

I have dealt with a lot of abuse both physical and verbal from her in the past (feel free to read my past posts), so much so that I have become very desensitized to the behavior directed toward me.  But, I absolutely will not tolerate how she acted towards our 2 year old last night.

I took care of him and calmed him down (he was really scared after that) and after he went to bed I tried to talk calmly with her about it.  It ended up being an even bigger mess.  I told her how I felt and how I would not stand for her putting our son through that.  She tried to displace blame for her behavior on me and our son saying I didn’t help out enough and that he was ungrateful (he’s only 2!).

After all of this she became even further dysregulated and barricaded herself in the room.  When I eventually managed to see her she had been cutting herself and was a not talking to me.

I just don’t know what to do.  She kept telling me I was being a dick and judgmental.  I told her that I was going to be honest with her about my feelings(for once) because what had transpired earlier with our child was terrible.  I told her that I was concerned about the screaming and the violence and that she kept saying “I am sick have having a child” right in front of him.  She ignored me expressing my feelings and called me more names and eventually we went to sleep.


I just don’t know what to do.  I will not accept her taking out her depression/anger/frustrations on our innocent child.  To me a 2 year old can be very frustrating, but screaming profanities at them, saying you are sick of “having a child” and are “done with them” to them is not an adequate response.

Does anyone have any advice?  This is my biggest nightmare.  I worry all of the time that she is going to imprint this anger and violence in him and he will grow up to have it too.  I know that sounds terrible of me to say, but it is what keeps me up at night and is always in the back of my mind.  I want him to grow up in a safe nurturing environment, not some stress ridden ticking time bomb situation.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Somewhere]

jmho -- call CPS.  (Child Protective Services -- or whatever they call it in your area.)


You need the help AND the documentation.

You have a duty to protect the child first.

[Rockylove]

I know how hard this is and you absolutely are correct in thinking that this will eventually give your 2 year old some very disturbing messages about himself and the world around him.  He is in a very formative stage and needs to feel safe... .  and you need to provide that if his mother isn't able.  Has she been diagnosed?

I've been a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate for children) for years now.  I've seen how devastating it can be for children to be reared in a dysfunctional environment and the aftermath is far worse than you can imagine.  Please... .  if you do nothing else, go to your local Social Services agency and ask for advice on handling this situation.  I can only give you limited advice as I'm not YOUR child's legal advocate... .  I just care.