Closure for the second time.

[afterdeath]

So i was out Friday night enjoying a night out with a friend. We were enjoying a band when i turn around and low and behold there was my exBPD's office mate.

I figured he was one of the two she may have been messing around with when we were still together. Well he spotted me and his face almost read clear as day: "oh ~".

He approached me and i grabbed him by the shirt smirking like a psychotic joker ready to put a smile on that face of his. He said he needed to talk to me after he went to the bathroom and said it wasn't anything bad about him.

He returned and i just leaned over to lend him an ear. He basically told me he had nothing to do with me and my exBPD's split. I told him i had already figured it out but i thought he was messing around with her too. He said he would never do that especially to me he knew better. He did go on to tell me she was indeed seeing the other guy WHILE she was still with me. He didn't believe it was right about what she was doing/did to me and told me i was a much better man and better off without her. He wanted to clear his name.

He then went on to say i couldnt be mad at the new guy because it was all her. I told him bull___ i can be mad at everyone involved because the ring should've told him to back off. I also told him they could all go f*** themselves because of what they did. He understood my pi**ed off rage and said the new guy was his friend and he doesn't think HE should even be with her because the same things going to happen to him! His words. He said he wouldn't stop being friends with them and i said i really don't care who you're friends with but it's shatty that no one told me what was going on until now.

The moral of the story is TRUST YOUR GUT.

Anyway this set off a huge trigger for me the rest of the night. I immediately started shaking with anger and had to tell my friend we needed to leave. I wanted to hurt the guy even though he had nothing to do with it. We went home and i've been kind of depressed and sickened ever since.

I'm glad he told me to further vindicate my suspicions/evidence i had gathered up to this point but i awoke the next day having a hard time even pulling myself out of bed knowing what my ex had done to me.

He even said that she purposely mistreated me so she could get rid of me.

Now i don't know what rape feels like. But I feel so violated... .  abused... .  raped of life... .  how can someone do that to some one they "love".

I did more reading and i found another website that really made me feel good before that night happened. It was actually a Narcissitc personality disorder page. I know NPD's and BPD's are very similiar and i'm actually having a hard time distinguishing between the two now but i am leaning towards my ex being a NPD rather than a BPD. I don't really know.

Either way i know deep down this had to happen. Ever since discovering for myself she was seeing the other guy i had made leaps and bounds in my recovery... .  and now that i know the truth of what her office mate told me... .  I will finally be able to move on.

It hurts what she did, but i also know those same people she was trying to impress really don't agree with what she did to me. And this poor schmuck is in for a bad time.

In the end I know i was a great person to her and daughter, and every one knew that. I don't need any one else to know i was great to her but it makes me feel better knowing people knew I WAS A GOOD PERSON. As i still am. Not the monster she made me out to be after abusing me.

In the end i'll have to listen to what everyone has told me including her own office mate, and her own mother and sister: "She did not appreciate you, you deserve so much better, and you're alot better off".


Cheers to the rest of you. Hoping you find the closure you need to pass on through this toxic madness.