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[KuchiKopi]

My mom and my sister both have BPD.  My sister's lack of emotional and physical boundaries had proven to be a safety concern.  I could no longer have her around my daughter.

My mother also has BPD too.  She doesn't know how to interact without being divisive.  Everything's a comparisson or complaint when she talks to me she complains about my father (her husband), or my sister and I know she does the same to them.  She shares creepy dirty jokes with anyone who'll listen, when I ask her not to she waves her hand at me telling me I'm a prude.  She constantly tells my toddler that, "mommy never lets me see you" and other junk.  She started humming stripper music one day when my daughter took off her sweater.  I got an eye roll. 

She can't stand my in-laws or friends because she's convinced they'll turn me against her.  My daughter is shy and going through a mommy only stage.  My mother guilt trips her saying "oh, but I saw you let [grandpa] hold you."  I wasted my childhood comforting my mother and putting her needs first I don't intend to let her do this to my daughter too. 

My mom constantly compares my daughter's behaviors to my sister.  I remind her not to talk about my sister in front of my daughter but she does it anyways... .    I've increasingly had this heavy sick feeling about it all.  It sounds ridiculous if you didn't know her but it really feels like she's trying to create a rivalry between my daughter and myself.  I'm not insecure enough to be threatened, but I want to protect my husband and daughter from her head games... .   

I've tried so many times to assert boundaries with her. It leaves me emotionally drained and in the moment she gives me that understanding and willingness I so desperately need.  Two days later everything goes back to how she was before the talk.  It just feels crummy because she's groomed my father to be one of her many caretakers preventing her from being responsible for lashing out... .  I'm just afraid of losing my relationship with my father as a result of drawing boundaries with my mom.   

Sorry I was so long winded.  I'm just hurting and wondering if anyone has similar experiences.  How did you muddle through?  How did you heal?

Thanks.

[doubleAries]

Hi KuchiKopi, and 

Hmmm... .  that all sounds pretty familiar. Yep, I'd say you came to the right place!

My mom is a BPD, and one of my brothers is an ASPD (antisocial personality disorder). Real barrel of laughs (not).

We have a lot of really great resources here on bpdfamily.com's--here's an article you may find helpful How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Her Children

I also found this article really enlightening

BPD BEHAVIORS: Waif, Hermit, Queen, and Witch

I assume your mother lives nearby?

doubleAries

[KuchiKopi]

Thank you so much for the encouragement and resources.  Yup she lives about 10 minutes away.  I keep hoping she'll move out of state, but no such luck.

[doubleAries]

Keep hoping! My mom finally moved several states away!  

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members here on the  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

look forward to more of your posts!