BPD mother and grandmother giving young child benadryl to keep him asleep

[clarksvoice27]

I don't know what to do. I know my sons mother is using Benadryl or something to sedate my 4year old son. How can I prove it or who should I talk to. I can't take him to the doctor because we have joint custody and I can't talk to his mother about it because she has many mental problems that when confronted about anything that she is doing or my concers for my son have always made things worse and caused more problems for my son. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, bipolar, social anxiety disorder, and is a pathological liar. So bringing my concers about my son up to her is out of the question. I've talked to lawyers, my parents, my doctor, social workers but nobody has been able to help me in the right direction. When I talk to anyone about this they don't believe me or can't give my the help that my son so desperately needs. What can I do. My son is getting worse Pphysically and mentally but she always calls the doctor before I do and tells her lies about me and blames me for any problems or illnesses my son. So when I call they already shut me off before I can speak. I'm afraid to contact DFS because they might not believe me and think I'm looking for problems with no proof because a custody battle is not far away. HELP HELP HELP. This is just one issue. Another issue is she's alienating my son from me. She locks him in a dark closet when he's "bad". Has her boyfriends sleep in the same bed with him. Moved my son 4 times the past 1 1/2 only to cause many emotional signs of abuse in my son. Created distortion champaings against me so bad that cause me to constantly defend myself from for stuff I never did. And even her family know what's going on but only encourage it and participate. HELP HELP HELP.

[tog]

If you have joint custody don't you both have the right to take him to the doctor? If not, be sure you go with her to any doctor's appointment. My SO called their doctor and asked it to be put in their son's chart that any time she made an appointment, he was to be notified. Take your court order to the doctor and demand equal participation. She has probably told them you are an abusive monster so expect to be treated with suspicion until they begin to realize you are not one.

If you genuinely fear that she is harming him, then take him to the doctor on your own. Contact Child Protective Services about him being locked in a dark closet.

What is your custody arrangement as far as your time with him goes?

[livednlearned]

I'm confused.

You have joint custody, but then you say you are heading for a nasty custody battle?

Something important that I learned: you need to pull yourself together. Be the more calm, reasonable parent and it will matter less what bunk your ex tells people. If they cut you off, be assertive. Tell them you are the child's parent and are concerned about the health and well-being of your child.

You do know what to do. You take your kid to the doctor and share your concerns. If your ex has been diagnosed with BPD, bipolar, social anxiety, etc. then explain that to the pediatrician, and tell him or her what you think is happening.

Her family may have BPD in it too, so don't count on them to help you find solutions.

Go out and buy a copy of Richard Warshak's ":)ivorce Poison" to help you understand how to defend yourself against the parental alienation.

[ForeverDad]

She locks him in a dark closet when he's "bad". Has her boyfriends sleep in the same bed with him.

As TOG wrote, contact your local CPS agency and find out what their position is on punishments of this sort.  Do they only discourage it or do they find it actionable?  If the child discloses it to the pediatrician and if it is viewed as a serious matter, the doctor or nurse may be a "mandated reporter" and have no choice but to report it for further investigation.

Her boyfriends should NOT be sleeping in the same bed with son.  Is the residence too small for a separate bed?  Often the courts, CPS and housing codes have minimum requirements and may require separate beds or bedrooms for the children.  Is this actionable as above?  I don't know, but you should find out how seriously this issue is viewed locally.

[livednlearned]

I have joint custody with my ex, and there is absolutely nothing stopping me (or him) from taking S11 to the doctor. A judge will actually slam you hard if you knew there was abuse, and knew she was doping him, and did nothing.

When I was preparing to leave, I did what a lot of people here do -- I stalled. For all the usual reasons, fear of N/BPDx, fear of change, fear things I would not be able to make it on my own. My L told me if I waited much longer, a judge would want to know why, if things were so bad (N/BPDxh's excessive drinking), would I have waited this long to leave?

You are the more stable parent, and need to get your child out of that situation. To do that, you have to do what assertive, stable, competent parents do -- they do what's best for their kids. No judge will punish you for that.

[elm911]

In addition to taking him to his pediatrician ASAP and discussing concerns about iproper punishmant, inappropriate use of medications such as benedryl, and the impact of her diagnosed disorders on him, I would set him up with counseling as soon as is feasible.  A counselor will be able to corraborate your concerns as well as help your son and determine the degree of the damage to him so far. 

Please do not hesitate to speak with his pediatrician about your concerns and follow through with the help he needs.

elm911