Dealing with family member with BPD

[frustrated101]

I have been dealing with a daughter-inlaw who clearly has BPD.  I can totally relate to the endless, crazy, vile , threatening text messages.  It is so true that you cannot try to respond or you will get pages of more.  What she does to my grandson is so twisted and sick.  I feel so bad for him but I don't know what I can do.  

[frustrated101]

I never encountered anyone like dil.  She is so scary.  I often think she will do something awful to the children.  Since her first outburst six years ago, I have tried not to set her off, but now I see the children getting so damaged.  My son is just as sick for staying with her.  I want to stay away but I don't want to alienate my grandson.  She tells him such inappropriate things and is always telling him that people don't like her.  She can definitely turn the charm on when she wants, but when she feels insecure she attacks like an animal. 

[123Phoebe]

Hi frustrated101 and 

I'm sorry to hear you're having problems with your daughter-in-law.  Has she been diagnosed with BPD?  What does your son have to say about the situation?  Is he concerned about how his wife's behaviors are affecting their son?

BPD is a very confusing emotional disorder, a mental illness, that effects everyone who gets close to them.

Here's a link that might help you to understand the disorder a little more:

Video-What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

And one to help reduce conflict, like the text messages you mentioned:

Video-Tools to Reduce Conflict with a person suffering from BPD

There are a lot of members experiencing the same as you are right now; you're not alone.  We're all learning new ways to communicate (plus a whole lot more!) and accept that this is truly a mental illness.  There's a lot that we can do to improve our own lives!

I hope you stick around and continue to post, it really helps getting some of our thoughts and feelings out there; we understand where you're coming from.

Thanks for joining,

Phoebe 

[Krudula]

Hi frustrated101

A warm welcome from me too. I'm right in the midst of things too with my BPDExDIL, since she and my son separated. I know how difficult things can get, so overwhelming. I'm looking after their son, because my son knows she can't look after him properly. She has been hospitalised recently and is adjusting to her meds.

You are indeed not alone, we all feel for you

Being there for your grandson is probably the greatest gift you can give him.