Do not remain friends after unless you can shut off emotionally. Be warned.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well BPD fam.

I am back to tell you of my "friend" experience i tried with her. I have stated before i would love to remain friends with her as she is a sweet person deep down. Well we tried it, and here was how things went down.

We hung out a few times this week, it was pretty cool. One night we went to our friends bar we used to always go to after i got off work. Had a few drinks, than our friend thought it would be funny to be like "oh you guys are so cute your working things out huh". I made it very clear we were there as 'friends', but she got drunk and kept calling me babe and telling him she wanted me back.

I had a talk with her about how we can only be friends, then i lied so she wouldnt be upset and said "maybe in the future we can see where it goes".

She kept texting me, and it was cool to have someone to talk with throughout the day, but i definetely did not text her like i did in the relationship. She was getting responses very late, sometimes hours later.

Well, my ego got the best of me saturday. Friday night she wanted to hook up and i just left instead. But before i left, i looked at her and said "Can I ask you a question?" We can all guess what the question was going to be, and she knew it also. She said "oh god, i knew something was on your mind". But her cat jumped on me and i took it as an escape route out as i then felt like it was a bad idea

(I was going to ask her why she left me after a year and a half of almost every day together just like nothing ever happend between us, obviously i knew the answer thanks to this website, but i wanted to here the BPD version)

So saturday, i could tell i set something off in her head. No text from her or anything. So i thought i upset her, i texted her 'whatsup' to make sure she wasnt painting me black again. She just said "just got off the ice sorry" 3 hours later. I thought okay she doesnt hate me. But later on that night, she seen her friend texting me and thats when things went badly.

One, she got jealous. Texted me "omg your texting so and so", i said a joke after with no response. I guess she then went off in the party by herself very angrily. Her "boy toy" who is her next victim followed her. Well i hear shes mad at her friend, so i put all the blame on me, but i also made it clear im not her property, were not dating and its none of her business who we talk to. She then said quote "Im still in love with you, i have feelings for you still thats why i wanted to hang out this week". So i got mad, told her im not going to be on her backburner and why doesnt she show her new potential boyfriend what she just texted me.

Well needless to say no response. But i apologized for the text i sent after that which i will not discuss. (about how she left me for another dude), she then began telling me "im depressed, ,idk what my heart wants, i still have feelings im sorry i cant shut it off". Reading that killed me, because it felt so good to hear it, and at the same time reality set in and i know she absolutely does not mean it, even if she thinks she does. I played with fire and got burned. She said she does not want to stop seeing me, and i agreed, but obviously i am going to have to drop her softly. Let her fall in love with victim and slowly dissapear for my own sanity.


I went in knowing the risks. I shut off emotionally until that text on saturday. Thats all it took. I cried a little, because i wished so bad it was true, but i know its not. And as i type this, i choke up. She knew exactly what to say to me to get my emotional buttons stirred up. There was alot more she said to me to cause this but i will not bore you all. She thinks she loves me, but she also is trying to keep me around. There is no good here for me, or her, and i allowed it. For all who try the friends after thing, this is one of those times where you accept the time together can not be salvaged with a friendship. Its done.

[Jay08]

Well BPD fam.

I am back to tell you of my "friend" experience i tried with her. I have stated before i would love to remain friends with her as she is a sweet person deep down. Well we tried it, and here was how things went down.

We hung out a few times this week, it was pretty cool. One night we went to our friends bar we used to always go to after i got off work. Had a few drinks, than our friend thought it would be funny to be like "oh you guys are so cute your working things out huh". I made it very clear we were there as 'friends', but she got drunk and kept calling me babe and telling him she wanted me back.

I had a talk with her about how we can only be friends, then i lied so she wouldnt be upset and said "maybe in the future we can see where it goes".

She kept texting me, and it was cool to have someone to talk with throughout the day, but i definetely did not text her like i did in the relationship. She was getting responses very late, sometimes hours later.

Well, my ego got the best of me saturday. Friday night she wanted to hook up and i just left instead. But before i left, i looked at her and said "Can I ask you a question?" We can all guess what the question was going to be, and she knew it also. She said "oh god, i knew something was on your mind". But her cat jumped on me and i took it as an escape route out as i then felt like it was a bad idea

(I was going to ask her why she left me after a year and a half of almost every day together just like nothing ever happend between us, obviously i knew the answer thanks to this website, but i wanted to here the BPD version)

So saturday, i could tell i set something off in her head. No text from her or anything. So i thought i upset her, i texted her 'whatsup' to make sure she wasnt painting me black again. She just said "just got off the ice sorry" 3 hours later. I thought okay she doesnt hate me. But later on that night, she seen her friend texting me and thats when things went badly.

One, she got jealous. Texted me "omg your texting so and so", i said a joke after with no response. I guess she then went off in the party by herself very angrily. Her "boy toy" who is her next victim followed her. Well i hear shes mad at her friend, so i put all the blame on me, but i also made it clear im not her property, were not dating and its none of her business who we talk to. She then said quote "Im still in love with you, i have feelings for you still thats why i wanted to hang out this week". So i got mad, told her im not going to be on her backburner and why doesnt she show her new potential boyfriend what she just texted me.

Well needless to say no response. But i apologized for the text i sent after that which i will not discuss. (about how she left me for another dude), she then began telling me "im depressed, ,idk what my heart wants, i still have feelings im sorry i cant shut it off". Reading that killed me, because it felt so good to hear it, and at the same time reality set in and i know she absolutely does not mean it, even if she thinks she does. I played with fire and got burned. She said she does not want to stop seeing me, and i agreed, but obviously i am going to have to drop her softly. Let her fall in love with victim and slowly dissapear for my own sanity.


I went in knowing the risks. I shut off emotionally until that text on saturday. Thats all it took. I cried a little, because i wished so bad it was true, but i know its not. And as i type this, i choke up. She knew exactly what to say to me to get my emotional buttons stirred up. There was alot more she said to me to cause this but i will not bore you all. She thinks she loves me, but she also is trying to keep me around. There is no good here for me, or her, and i allowed it. For all who try the friends after thing, this is one of those times where you accept the time together can not be salvaged with a friendship. Its done.

[Gaslit]

That's hard... .  

I think they want the 'friends' label more than the actual friendship. The friends label is their "get of jail free card."

It means they can talk to us and treat us, almost exactly the same as before, BUT, it also means they can do whatever they want, with whomever they want. And as friends, we can't say jack.

The whole, cake and eat it too thing.

It genius! For them. Not so much for us. And of course, they are not really friends, in the traditional normal sense. They're just not good at it.

[GreenMango]

I had a talk with her about how we can only be friends, then i lied so she wouldnt be upset and said "maybe in the future we can see where it goes".

I hope you can see that from this point forward things got worse.  Your words and actions seem to be in contradiction after that statement, along with hers too.  Quick question because I know what it's like to be tentative about a person after being in the wringer for a while with them, but what do you want?

It looks like you are engaging in a game of one-upmanship at this point.  This is the dysfunctional dance, the only way this ends is to take care of your side of the street.  Her side is up to her.

Pinning this all on her is pretty extreme.

[HarmKrakow]

I had a talk with her about how we can only be friends, then i lied so she wouldnt be upset and said "maybe in the future we can see where it goes".

I hope you can see that from this point forward things got worse.  Your words and actions seem to be in contradiction after that statement, along with hers too.  Quick question because I know what it's like to be tentative about a person after being in the wringer for a while with them, but what do you want?

To me it seems he wants that normal awesome day to day frequent contact with a person who puts you on a pedestal and makes you feel good the moment you wake up?